“What to Do When We Feel Angry with Someone for Being Sick”

A young lady came to me who has gone through a hard time with her husband having cancer and she is very angry. Here is what I told her.

Sometimes loved ones try to leave us, but we are so busy with what we need to do in order to keep our loved one well that we become hyper-vigilant and never feel our feelings. This is very common.

Later all those feelings become anxiety and stress which leads to our inability to sleep, enjoy life, and be happy. We are always waiting for the next thing to happen… because we were always listening for our loved one in case they need us in some way.

Then We Become Numb

We become numb to our feelings, numb to our life, and we also get angry at everyone in our life because we are angry at the world. We are angry at our loved one for trying to leave us, angry at God for allowing this to happen, angry at life for all that has taken place, and angry at ourselves for feeling this way.

So we push everyone away and everyone runs fast. Because we are really angry and thus they don’t want to be around us. But we put on a happy face and show the world that nothing’s going on… while deep inside we are coming apart at the seems.

The truth of the matter is we need to feel our feelings and allow those feelings to be expressed. But sometimes it’s so ingrained in us to hold in our feelings after so many months of trying to nurse someone back to health… that we don’t know how to let it all out.

What Can a Person Do?

How to Release Feelings

Getting in touch with our feelings takes some doing. We can watch movies that let our feelings out like “Brains Song” and other sad movies and start to cry and let it all out. Or do some anger work by going out and throwing rocks against the fence or screaming into a pillow, or screaming in our parked car at night.

Or wadding up tissues and throwing them across the room while screaming. All of these and more help to defuse all our pent up emotion that needs to come out. One will feel drained after these sessions but it’s all good… and it’s all important.

In Addition, Use a journal to Write Out Everything

Also, writing out all our feelings is important, but it’s no substitute for feeling our feelings but it also helps. Writing out everything, every feeling, every thought, every single thing that comes to mind helps to defuse all of our pent up emotion.

Forgive Ourselves and Others

The next step is to forgive ourselves and everyone else. The hard lesson of going through this illness with a loved one was put into our lives so we could learn and become stronger. It’s really up to us… and what we choose to do. But those who choose to forgive, forget, and move on with life are the truly strong and powerful people. Everything else will only hurt our mind and body.

How to Forgive

How do we forgive ourselves and others when we have no clue how to forgive? One way is to imagine every single person as a newbo
baby and know that they are only doing what they need to do in order to move through life. They are helpless, they are loving, they are waiting for someone to love them… and that also includes YOU.

See all of this in your mind’s eye over and over again for days until something changes. It will take time but it does work. Eventually, you will want to forgive them because in their heart they are just a little child.

Meditation Retreats

There are also silent meditation retreats and they are super important for healing your soul. I’ve had many people go to these retreats and come back completely different.

Here is a link to a Free 10 Day Vipassana Meditation Retreat - http://www.dhamma.org/en/about/vipassana

You will need to look at this link on your computer it’s not very mobile friendly - and sign up for a retreat in the future. Don’t put yourself on a waiting list people always go to these retreats… and even the food and lodging is free.

All Will Be Well!

Many Blessings to Everyone

Dr. Paul Haider