What's Approval Seeking Got To Do With Business?

We are conditioned from birth to seek approval, it's in our bones, our muscles, every cell of our bodies.

At a recent seminar I attended it was likened to an addictive substance and I thought it was a brilliant analogy to highlight the power it has over us. So to share it with you, imagine that approval seeking is an addictive chemical substance that we are spoon fed from a very early age. It wasn't done intentionally to harm us, it is just part of the way our society functions.

It didn't take long for us to feel that we just couldn't survive without it, in fact, not having approval can prove to be torturous, so we make sure we get our regular fix. Most of us are so absolutely addicted that we have no idea that it is at the root of so much of our thinking and our behaviour. It just is part of who we are.

So why am I writing about approval seeking? “What's that got to do with my business you may ask?” - well, it has absolutely everything to do with your business.

You are the heart of your business, and so if you are operating from a place of seeking approval rather than providing value, for example, you are leaving money on the table and shortchanging your potential and present clients. I know that might be a tough pill to swallow, but I am choosing to offer you value here rather than seeking your approval!!

Since awareness is the key to changing any behaviour, you can't change what you don't know, as Dr Phil says, I am sharing with you the top 3 areas I see business owners sabotaging their success by operating from that approval seeking place:

1. Sales - If you are addicted to approval seeking, whether mildly, or severely, it is going to affect your sales for sure because if you are more interested in people liking you than you are in helping them in their transformation, you are more likely to not ask for the sale because that means you have to talk about them giving you some money and they might not like you for that.

When you are in business, you are in sales. And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. There isn't a business on this planet that doesn't involve selling something. And when you are selling something, you are going to get people that say that awful “no” word to you sometimes or often, depending on your conversion rate. If you’re not hearing that word in your business, I would have to suggest that you aren't asking for the sale. And if you aren't asking for the sale, then you’re denying your potential clients the benefits of your services and products, of the transformation they could have in their life.

2. Quality of service - The need for approval, or to be liked, loved and appreciated, can also affect the quality of the service you offer. This depends on your service. So if you are a coach, for example, and you opt for “not wanting to hurt your client's feelings” rather than empowering them to step up and reach their full potential by being honest and truthful, following your own intuition and inner wisdom, well you are doing them a disservice.

3. Lack of marketing – so many heart based professionals love what they do and are absolutely brilliant at it too, and then give up because they daren't do the marketing it takes to become successful. They are so afraid of being rejected at a networking meeting, or not being liked on Facebook, or sending out a newsletter and seeming pushy, or giving a talk and noone liking it or making a fool of themselves, or holding a teleseminar and noone showing up which would equal not being liked of course.

And I know this is a tough decision to make, I’ve been there and I am there on a daily basis. We are all human and we all have this addiction for approval, society has brought us up that way. So there is a constant stretching out of our comfort zone that is necessary when we are serious about wanting to help others and grow our own businesses.

It is heart breaking to see how many just give up because they are so afraid of the disapproval. This is a powerful addiction, so powerful that it can stop us following our purpose and passion.

Take back the power, approval is something that is made up, we don't NEED it. Yes, it's great to have it and feel it from other people, nothing wrong with that. But when it gets in the way of you serving your clients in the best way you know how, then there is a problem.

So I invite you here to become aware of just where your approval seeking or fear of disapproval is holding you back in your business. I haven't met anyone yet who doesn't suffer from this in some way, shape or form.

When you recognise it, embrace it and acknowledge it for what it is, old conditioning that worked in it's day, and you can let it go. Those days are over now, you can make the decision to “face the fear and do it anyway” as Susan Jeffers says in her book.