When Making The Right Choice Goes Wrong

Quick: stop reading right now and write down your top three core values. Do it now! . . .

How hard was that? How long did it take you? Did you have to stop and ask yourself, "What does he mean by 'core values'?" Did you have to stop and think, confused by a long list of things that seem very important to you? Did you find it tough to choose the top three, or did you just write down the first three values that popped into your head? It doesn't matter to me (at least not right now) what your top three core values were: I want you to have the experience of stopping whatever it was you were doing (obviously, reading this article) to think about it. The more difficult you found this exercise to be, the less thought you've given to your core values recently. What does that indicate?

There's a good chance that, if you haven't taken the time to explore your core values in a while, you may not be aware of the principles that are driving your decision-making. Would you trust your GPS to guide your driving if you haven't updated its software in years? Yet, your core values determine many more important choices in your life than when to make a left or right turn in traffic. Let's review (for the sake of argument, I'll call it a 'review') how your core values function in your decision-making process.

Your core values are those principles that you use, often subconsciously, to evaluate your choices: that is, to determine the relative value of one choice over another. Is it better (that is: more valuable or more advantageous) to select this possibility over that possibility? Does this seem obvious? Now consider this: almost exclusively, people make their choices based on what feels right to them, rather than what makes better sense to them. The most confrontational question you can possibly ask another person is, "Why did you do that?" Asking them 'why?' immediately puts them in the position of justifying (rationally) a decision that was probably made emotionally. When it happens to you, you'd probably have to admit (at least to yourself) that you don't really have any rational justification for your choice, it just 'felt right.'

When you make a decision, you subconsciously engage your core values. That suggests that, if you want to determine what your core values really are, you should look at the decisions you've made over the past week or so and ask yourself what reasons you had for making each of them. If you can be honest about it, your collected reasoning will show you what's really important to you (your values). In this context, the old saying makes sense: "Your actions are shouting so loudly that I can't hear what you're saying." Your choices, based on your core values, will cut through even the smokescreen of self-delusion and rationalization that you may use to cover up bad choices (and poor values) with good reasons.

I hope you're able to see the importance of making your core values explicit. Knowing these values and keeping them in your conscious mind not only helps you to make your decision-making more rational, it also serves to keep yourself aligned with your chosen purpose and goals. Here's something else to consider: people (wrongly) think that your core values determine what you do in the present. It seems as though your core values should guide your rational decision-making process, choice by choice. However, since most decision-making is not rational, but emotional, in fact, most of the time, when you make most of your decisions, you're not engaging your reason at all. From this perspective, your core values determine, not your present choices, but your future choices. The more you align yourself with consciously-chosen core values, the more likely your emotion-driven future decisions will be informed by those values.

Are you finding it difficult to achieve the ends for which you think you want to strive? Perhaps its because your present choices are being driven by old values (those 'old tapes' that people often talk about). Those old and often-dysfunctional values will continue to infect your decision-making process until you're able to replace them with strong, consciously-chosen core values of a different sort. Here's where coaching can be a great help to you. When you engage the help of a coach to discover your core values, you have a better chance of getting out of the always-present trap of self-delusion. Then, once you've determined your core values, you need to review them ofen — even daily — to make sure that they've sunk in to the deeper levels of your awareness. Only then can they serve to take charge of your decision-making process and keep you aligned with the purpose and meaning behind the person you really want to become.