Who Is Your Life About?

I remember many years back a counselor I was seeing asked me what I was doing for my birthday? In those days, my life was so busy, I scheduled almost every waking hour. I listed the activities that I had scheduled feeling in a celebratory mood. He asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks, “Linda, who is your life about?” My mind slowed to a ‘hum’ as I felt that question settle in for a moment.

“My life is about ME?” I responded. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks that even on my birthday, the one day that was supposed to be mine to celebrate as I choose, I was still doing everything for someone else. Not one activity that I listed was what I wanted to do.

What an epiphany moment! I knew then that I was a “pleaser”. A pleaser is a person that attempts to make everyone else happy and in the process, ends up feeling unhappy. No one could live my life for me, and yet I was attempting to make my life about everyone else. Wow, what an awareness.

I started to notice that I would say ‘yes’ automatically when things were requested of me. It took practice to tune inside to what I really wanted before I would answer. In fact, to break the habit, I found it necessary to say ‘no’ for at least a minute just to give myself permission to do so. And during that time I could feel into what I really wanted for myself. What was my true answer? I was also coached to feel into whether my answer was 100% ‘yes’ before I said, ‘yes’? Or as it was said by a friend of mine, “Is it a full-body ‘yes’?” Do I feel that ‘yes’ all the way to my toes? Or is there a part of me that is still not sure it would be a good choice? If I couldn’t say a ‘yes’ with my whole being, then the answer was still ‘no’ until I felt clearly aligned to say ‘yes’.

With the ‘pleaser’ pattern being such an automatic response, I have asked that same question, “Who is my life about?” often to check in with myself. I have learned to take responsibility for my one and only life, and choose my own happiness.