Why Do You Keep Taking Him Back?

When breaking up becomes a monthly (or weekly) event, do you take him back repeatedly asking yourself, "Why am I doing this?" You're not alone.

Let's begin by understanding the stereotypical male & female.

Most little girls are raised with a baby doll in their arms, a play bottle to feed them with...little dishes to eat out of and tiny purses to take along on shopping trips. We are raised as the little future caretakers of the world. We feed stray dogs, cuddle each other's children and dream of the perfect "family man". We can bring home the bacon, kiss the boo-boos, play the maid...we can do it all.

Most little boys are raised with toy cars, video games and an endless supply of dirt. As a child most have never played with a doll, taken care of another little life or even taken thought to another's feelings. Most boys are raised in their own bubble, only knowing what they want and manipulating those who can give it to them. (Please be reminded that I am speaking about boys & girls in general and that not ALL children are this way).

When we grow up, our personalities go with us. By the age of 15-20 most of us girls have already been in love several times. True love, babies and a home of our own consume our thoughts and fantasies. Most boys have only been in BED several times by that age. Many girls believe that sex equals love whereas boys believe sex equals sex.

As life will have it, many of us girls will find a man to fall in love with and at first, it is usually all we could ever ask for. He's charming, romantic, courteous, attentive, cuddly, thoughtful...need I go on?

This is how we want it to be forever...then the inevitable happens. Life.

He has little quirks you can't stand. Maybe he snorts when he laughs or chews with his mouth open. Maybe he's a little TOO friendly with your friends, or even with your mother. Maybe his breath is bad and he hates brushing his teeth.

Then there's the extended family. His oldest sister hates you. His parents are alcoholics and begin asking you for money. You find out he has an ex-girlfriend that he's still "close friends" with. A million different scenarios can play out in any relationship. It's kind of like playing the lottery (or buying a box of chocolates)...you never know what you're going to get.

He starts ignoring you for the tv. He only notices you're gone when he's hungry. Sex is only something you do during commercials. The magic is gone. So what did you do? Did you calmly talk to him and tell him how you feel? Did you get mad and yell? Or did you simply spin your head in a circle and spit pea soup at him? Ok, you broke up...kicked him to the curb...man-trashed him. Whatever you call it, it's over.

Three days later he's on the phone with you or worse, he's at your door. He's talked his way back in. You give it another chance...or two...or three. Why? You are the nurturer, the caretaker...you just can't stand to see him cry.

As we talked about in the beginning, the focus is on the relationship, with both of you. You're all about each other again. All those old feelings come back. Problems and pet-peeves are set aside...for now.

If you keep finding yourself on this type of ride, it's time to get off. Give him a chance or two, but after that you just have to see it for what it is. If he screws you once, shame on him. If he screws you twice, shame on you.