Why is it So Hard to Ask for What We Want in Relationships?

I know that I have been guilty of falling into the trap of not asking for what I want in previous relationships. I always thought my partner would believe that I was too demanding, needy, or I just thought I could handle it myself. However, I was as wrong as ever. Asking for help and accepting the help of others actually opens the lines of communication and intimacy. If anything, it helps build the bonds of the relationship.

You are probably thinking this sounds a bit weird, but that is not the case at all.

Here are a few ways of telling others what you want:

1. The most important thing you must do is figure out what you want and how to go about getting it. There are many people that don’t know how to ask for what they want. Additionally, there are many people that don’t know what they want generally. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner for something. In a healthy relationship, he will want to give it you. He will want to make you feel good in every possible way.

2. When you ask him for something, ask him in a way that he can understand. Tell him what you are feeling and what you expect out of certain situations. Select a time that you both have some free time without any distractions. Tell him what you are requesting and the reasons for the request. He should not get upset with you unless you are asking for something unreasonable.

3. Be clear with your request. Don’t beat around the bush. I know many couples that do that because they are afraid of how their partner is going to react. If that is the case, then perhaps you should rethink the relationship. He is your counterpart; therefore he should understand your needs and wants.

Remember asking for you want will get you where you want to be in life. If you insinuate something, chances are that you are not going to get what you want. Take life by horns and take control. Remember something that my grandfather always told me: “The answer is always no until you ask.” I live my life by that principle. If I want something, especially in my relationship, I will ask for it. Once you can master asking for what you want, your self-confidence will increase and your daily life will be easier. Eventually, you will be able to apply those principles to everyday living.