Women – Change and Starting Over

Could you do it? Have you ever thought or fantasized about it? Tell the truth have you ever sat and imagined what your life would be like if you sold all your belongings and moved to a brand new life? Where would you go; to live near a beach, to the desert, to a small quiet town from the city or a foreign country? Sounds a little extreme doesn’t it and probably not for everyone although I do know one person who has done this and lately I am hearing rumblings and reading about an increasing number of people who are considering it, doing it or at least talking about it.

They say that people usually change when they finally get so fed up they are forced to. Well, this economy has certainly provided enough incentives and opportunities for that but I think there is something more to it. We have all spent so much time being and doing what we were supposed to do, what we needed to do and what we were expected to do we lost our authenticity along the way. We have been programmed to be sensible, reasonable, safe, and responsible and now Change of any kind is uncomfortable, if not feared.

When I was in real estate selling “to be built” condominiums to people who were downsizing from large homes it was always an interesting transformation to watch. The buyers who visited me were excited and interested in a different lifestyle and convinced they were fed up with landscaping, pools and being chained to maintenance. Most felt they were finally ready to genuinely explore what it would be like to live in a condominium so they could travel and be free to explore their dreams. And even though they were truly interested and felt they were ready there would always come a point when they would realize they would have to let go of a LOT of their possessions and their current lifestyle. And when it eventually came to the point of no return, and that point came many times during the process of the build, second thoughts would occur; maybe it was a mistake, what if they didn’t like it and the growing realization of just how much stuff they would have to part with would eventually make the decision all too real. Which things to keep and which to sell or give away and the anxiety and stress levels increased exponentially with date of completion. Now some chose to return to a single family home but most found, once they settled in, they loved the carefree lifestyle, the freedom and the opportunity to truly enjoy whatever their passions were. Many bought additional condos in different states for weather, favorite sports or to be near different family members at different times of the year. To be honest, most of the people who found it the easiest to embrace this new life had started the process by downsizing to a smaller house for a few years before purchasing a much smaller condo.

This is very much like the process we encounter when we are faced with other types of changes in our lives isn’t it?

You get to a point where you stop long enough to actually think and ponder and you say, I’m in my late 40’s or 50’s; is this where I want to be for the rest of my life? Is this all I want and is this all there is? Is there something else really exciting out there for me to do, try or see? Now we are all different. This was clearly demonstrated to me during my years in the real estate business showing probably thousands of properties; one man’s nightmare is another man’s dream come true. But what is important is that even if you don’t want to join the circus or climb Mount Everest you don’t want to wind up sitting in a chair regretting what you didn’t do! Life is not so short any more. We have been blessed with additional quality time and it’s an opportunity for us to explore our “someday dreams” and make them a reality.

So how do you go about deprogramming yourself? How do you get to that place where you can, if not start over at least embrace and welcome change? Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

First you need to carve out a piece of quiet relaxed uninterrupted time for yourself. (Now there’s a change in itself, right?) Take a travel book or magazine and look through it until something or someplace intrigues you. Spend some time daydreaming and fantasizing about living there. What would the weather feel like? What would your new digs look like? If it’s a different occupation think about what you would do on a typical day. Your dream muscle might be a little weak at first but like any exercise program with practice you’ll be dreaming big in no time.

Change takes practice. You will want to start small. Take a small risk every day or so; nothing too scary but definitely something out of the ordinary. Take yourself to dinner or lunch at a restaurant you’ve never been to. If you live somewhere other tha
Arizona, stop at a park on your way home and read a good book under a tree for a little while before going home.(If you live in Arizona the park will have to wait until winter!) Go to a movie by yourself, take a jewelry beading class or anything new that interests you. Just try to ease some change into your life.

Take time to look at your life and how satisfied you are with all the areas in your life. You can’t change anything if you don’t know what it is you want to change. Find a couple of areas of your life you’d like to focus on. Take action. Research an on-line course, buy a book on the subject or join a meet up group with people who share your interest.

While you’re reviewing your life make sure to remember all the amazing things you have accomplished over the years. You have survived much and have skills and talents you may have forgotten to appreciate. Be patient with yourself and take small and consistent steps.

As Carl Brand wisely said, “Though one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”