Barry and Joyce Vissell
(Barry Vissell, MD and Joyce Vissell, RN, MS)
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Relationship experts Expert
Barry and Joyce Vissell Quick Facts
- Main Areas
- Relationships, Personal Growth
- Best Sellers
- The Shared Heart, Models of Love, Light in the Mirror, and Meant To Be
- Affiliation
- The Shared Heart Foundation (SharedHeart.org)
Articles by this expert
SelfGrowth articles and saved writing connected to this expert.
Article
Opening To Your Life Partner
In our book, Meant To Be, thirty-three year old Kat Trueblood describes herself as tired of dating. It was the spring of 1989, and while visiting a friend near where she was living in Colorado, she picked up and started reading a copy of our first book, The Shared Heart. Unable to put it down, ...
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The Shiny Pen: Taking Responsibility in Relationship
For a relationship to be healthy, both partners need to be willing to take responsibility for their own part in an argument. This is sometimes very difficult to do. It is always easier to see your partner’s fault than your own. If you’re angry or defensive in a situation, look deeper and you will find your part. Joyce and I sometimes tell the following very humbling story in our workshops to illustrate mutual responsibility:
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A Mother's Final Gift
[We are excerpting one last time from our new book, A Mother’s Final Gift: How One Woman’s Courageous Dying Transformed Her Family]
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"The 3 Stages of Life"
Joyce and I love watching our two-year-old grandson, Owen, just as much as we love spending time with our first grandson, almost eight-year-old Skye. When they were new babies, their dependence was obvious. Because Owen is younger, I will use him as an example. He would not have survived for long without the nurturing and protection of our daughter, Mira, and her now-husband, Ryan. (They got married here in our home last month!)
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"The Gift of Rejection"
Rejection can hurt. Perhaps a person can be rejected by a friend, partner, boss, sibling, parent, co-worker, someone you work out with at the gym, or even your grown child. Scientists are discovering that the hurt of rejection can be actually recorded within your body.
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"Workaholism: A Growing Problem"
In a couple’s counseling session, Dolores accused her husband, Perry, of workaholism. His immediate response was, “Yes, I’m a workaholic.” Joyce and I were surprised at the actual pride revealed in his voice. He continued, “I’m a creative man, an entrepreneur. I thrive on juggling many projects.”
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"The Golden Key to Happiness"
Several days ago we attended the Cultural Awareness Program at Mt. Madonna School where our grandson is in first grade. His grade of ten adorable students reenacted a Buddhist story from Cambodia. In this story a single mother has three grown sons. She is very conce ed that her sons do not help her or anyone else, and care only about money. She confides this conce to her beloved sister and together they come up with a plan. The mother draws her three sons together, shows them a treasure chest, and says, “When I die, you can open this chest.
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"The Gift of Helplessness"
I love being outside and physical activity to balance the counseling, workshops and writing, which I also love. I enjoy walking the dogs with Joyce, mowing the lawn, fixing things, gardening, doing anything to be outside. Some folks like to sit around when they are on vacation. Not me. Multiday river trips are my favorite vacations, as well as backpacking in the wilde ess. Of course I value stillness. Each morning, Joyce and I sit for 10-20 minutes, trying to meditate, sometimes successfully. We know it’s important work, even when our minds seem too active.
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"Finding Your Perfect Partner: 2 Key Ingredients"
Sharing your life with a loving partner is very rewarding and meaningful. Barry and I met at the age of eighteen during our first year of college. Many people our age met someone in college or in their home town during a social event and got married by the time they were twenty-two years old. That was often the norm for the sixties and early seventies. But now that is far from the norm. There are many people of all ages wishing and hoping they could meet their life partner. And hardly anyone gets married now at age twenty-two.
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"Separation as a Powerful Relationship Tool"
For too many people, separation is a prelude to divorce. Taking time apart from a loved one is often thought of as the end of the relationship. But after 53 years together, and helping to guide thousands of couples, Joyce and I view separation as a sometimes vital necessity in a relationship that could very well end without separation.
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"Be a Miracle"
Miracles happen all the time. You probably know someone who has had a miracle happen to them, or maybe a miracle has happened to you. I know a woman whose cancer tumor disappeared ove ight after she and several others stayed up all night praying. The doctors said there was no medical explanation for this. I feel it is a miracle how I met Barry at the very young age of 18, and that we have been able to be deeply in love with each other for 53 years now.
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"The 2 Parts of a Successful Relationship"
A successful relationship has two very important components: learning to love yourself first, and then learning to love another person. Too many people ignore the first part, then wonder why it’s so hard to love another. It’s like expecting to water a plant with an empty water pitcher. Or trying to put on your child’s oxygen mask when the airplane cabin pressure drops, but passing out from lack of oxygen before you can get it on.
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