Dave Shields

Colleagues and people have asked why I work with couples. I always say, "I love a good challenge!" When I was starting as a therapist, 32 years ago, the research on therapy success was good for all populations, except for couples. Therapists weren't faring well when attempting to help couples recover in their relationships. I was in love and planning for a marriage that would endure the highs and lows all marriages go through. I wanted every great tool available, and so I devoured all the available research I could find on relationships and marriage.

I had immediate success with couples. Why? First, I love marriage! This may sound simple, but don't waste your time with a coach or therapist who doesn't have a 'deep in their gut' commitment to the institution of marriage. And I don't care how deeply wounded the relationship is. I've seen relationships resurrected that others thought were long dead.

Another reaso I had success early in my career with couples is my intuitive ability to strip couples down to the bare essentials while in session. We'd start out talking about finances or an affair, and, before you know it, I'd have them talking from the "Underbelly." The couple would talk about the fear of losing the other; not trusting that their partner would truly be there when they really needed them; lost dreams, and more. Soon a couple who hadn't shown affection for years were crying and holding each other. Breakthroughs like these are common, when, as a therapist or coach, you're unafraid of taking couples into the "Underbelly."

Then came along John Gottman's research in the mid-'90s. I swallowed up his data and started using it immediately. It integrated smoothly with my style. I would describe my style as a hybrid Gestalt- Somatic-Intuitive model, along with the concrete Gottman exercises. Later, Susan Johnson would come along with EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), which is what I had been doing all along, except she ties most couples conflict to unresolved attachment issues from childhood. The Gottman-Johnson models are the only two proven models for marital therapy. I'm still amazed at how many therapists continue to use unproven models in couples therapy. I'd be remiss not to mention one of my mentors, Daniel Wile. Dan has been writing marriage/couples therapy books for a long time and has a style that I would say is akin to my own. He also has a great sense of humor, pokes fun at conventional approaches to therapy. He's an outside-the-box thinker. I love that!

By the mid-'90's, I felt called to reach a wider audience. I joined Indiana University as adjunct faculty and started teaching couples' skills courses. My wife is also a psychotherapist. We joined together and started presenting to other professionals at local and regional conferences on couples/marriage counseling. In addition to that, we’ve created and facilitated many couples retreat weekends.

In our practice, Kenosis Counseling & Coaching Center, we have grown to 16 psychotherapists and coaches. I’ve personally brought on very talented therapists and taught them my style of couples counseling. Our practice has a reputation regionally as one of, if not the best, counseling practices in the Midwest. Our couples' therapists are ready to help right now.

For couples who have a good relationship and want to step up to an extraordinary one, we have couples coaching packages available now.