Dorothy Hayden
LCSW
Free
Sex Addiction Therapist Expert
Dorothy Hayden Quick Facts
- Main Areas
- psychology, sexuality
- Career Focus
- psychotherapist
- Affiliation
- Post Graduate Center for Mental Health
Dorothy C. Hayden, LCSW, is a psychoanalyst and sex addiction therapist located in Manhattan, New York. A graduate of New York University,she has been treating sex addicts and their partners for 15 years. She has recently released an e-book, "Total Sex Addiction Recovery-A Guide to Therapy" and has published 40 articles about sex addiction and 50 posts about Internet Porn addiction.
Articles by this expert
SelfGrowth articles and saved writing connected to this expert.
Article
Control Your Destiny: See "The Addict" as "Not You"
The True Self is Reality. It sees the activities of the Addict as being what it is: a fantasy growling for what it compulsively seeks: immediate gratification in the form of physical pleasure. Sex addiction is fueled by a fantasy of being how you never thought you were in your youth together of a fantasy of the power over women you've always wanted to have. Do you see how the Addict Self always lives in the past?
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What's the "Hook" in Sex Addiction?
A sex addiction is a habitual response and a source of sexual gratification or emotional security. It is a way of coping with internal feelings and exte al pressures that provides the Addict” as “Not You”">addict with predictable and consistent immediate gratification, but that has concomitant costs. Eventually these costs may outweigh the subjective benefits the addiction offers. Nevertheless, people continue in their addiction as long as they believe it continues to do something for them.
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Caution! 37 Things Your Sex Addict Tells Your Real Self
The True Self is capable of objectively observing the Sex Addict Self because it's not obsessively preoccupied with getting it's neurotic needs met. Psychoanalysts call this the “observing ego” and it is considered a sign of maturity. Proponents of Eastern spirituality call the True Self “The Witness” because it's essence is conscious awareness of the inner workings of the mind.
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Sex Addiction Is NOT a Moral Issue!
Sex is surely one of the most powerful of all human experiences. It can drive people to the pinnacle of ecstasy or it can spiral others to the depths of self-loathing and despair. Sexual expression is meant to tie, or connect, to our core sense of self. Sexual energy is part of our life force, our energy for creative and productive attainments, and the source of our passion for life.
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Who Are Sex Addicts and What are They Looking to Find in Sex?
Who are sex addicts and what are they hoping to find through their compulsive sexual behavior? Sex addicts are people who, afraid of real, intimate relationships, repeatedly and compulsively try to connect with others through highly impersonal, non intimate behaviors: masturbation, empty affairs, frequent visits to prostitutes, voyeurism, and the like.
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Internet Porn Addiction: Not An Easy Nut to Crack
I've been sitting in a room talking to addicts for 25 years. All kinds of addicts. I've participated in the enormous struggles of alcoholics to get sober, cocaine, heroine, methamphetamine, food, love, nicotine, sex...all kinds of addictions. My conclusion, culled from clinical experience, is that internet porn is THE primary addiction and is, by far, the hardest to kick. My intention in comparing my uncle's cocaine addiction that robbed him dry was to show you that the biochemical dysfunctions of a cocaine addict are exactly the same as those of a long-term porn addict.
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A Case Study of One Sex Addict's Recovery
Steve is a professional musician. A man in his 50's, virile yet sensitive, he is sexually compulsive around fetishistic sex. Since his early teens, Steve had masturbated nearly every night before going to sleep. As he matured, his need for masturbation increased until he was masturbated five or six times a day. He found that if he did not act on these urges, he would remai "horny" all day, which would make him restless, distracted, and irritable.
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Sex Addiction as an Intimacy Disorder
Attachment patterns have to do with how the infant is tended to by his/her primary caregiver, typically the mother. This means that when an infant is upset, or dysregulated, the "good enough" mother soothes the infant thereby regulating his/her nervous system. This kind of consistent tending to and soothing not only assists the brain in forming its regulatory capacities but also encodes or patterns the nervous system to respond appropriately under stress. If a baby is soothed while under duress, that baby will grow into an adult who can soothe himself while under stress.
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Men, Sex Addiction and Depression
My work over the last fifteen years as a psychotherapist treating sexual compulsions has brought me into contact with men - and more men. They come to my consulting room wearing the mask of shame, humiliation, and confusion. Often, after a period of therapy, they come to a common link among them: they are depressed. Empty and suffering from a disorder that, for men, can be as hidden as sexual deviance itself, depression in men is hardly spoken about. It is women who are depressed - it's a women's disease -- with depression occurring four times more often in the fairer sex.
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The Mystique of the Dominant Woman - Addiction to Pain
A number of years ago, in conjunction with my work with treating sexual addiction, a number of masochistic or submissive men began to come to me for help. The clients I saw did not seem immature or inferior. In fact, the reverse seemed to be true. They were successful by social standards: professionally, emotionally, and culturally, in marriages or out. They were frequently individuals of inner strength of character, possessed of strong coping skills and an ethical sense of individual responsibility.
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The Psychological Underpinnings of Sex Addiction
The diagnosis of sex addiction is the same as every addiction: loss of control and continued behavior despite adverse consequences. Sexual addiction differs from other addictions, however. Our sexuality reflects unconscious conflicts, longings and wishes of which we are not aware.
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A Behavioral Modification Approach to Treating Sex Addiction
“Brainlock”, a four-step self-help guide for treating OCD is a book written by Jeffrey Schwartz, M.D., a physician who spent most of his career treating and doing research on Obsessive/Compulsive (OCD) behaviors. His has developed a four-part program self-help program that can be used for any unwanted compulsive urges, desires and behaviors.
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Contacting Dorothy Hayden
dorothyhayde 1231@gmail.com