Jeff Brown

Let me continue with the story. Shortly after hearing this life altering information from my counselor, the healing was intense and profound, yet not complete, of course. The emotional scarring that came from years of conditioning would take years of conscious work to heal. But just the knowledge—actually, the answer being addressed directly—pulled from me (always there, just waiting for someone tornpoint it out) began my healing in earnest. Nevertheless, it was such a personal, psychological, healing revelation, as if a 2000 cc dose ofrn"everything's all right" passed through my veins and cauterized myrnwounded heart and soul.

The bottom line here is that we must begin to heal ourselves inrnea est (with considerable effort, with considerable growth) before werncan reach the intuitive voice and begin to work toward mastering itrnand, more importantly, begin to help, heal, and assist others. (The intuitive voice is a main feature of my book Give and Grow Yourself Rich [See excerpt below under "Free Articles and Book Excerpts."]).

For what greater worth does our existence have? Being pretty? Slim? Muscular? Rich? Popular? These things are of the self, self-serving and affecting only a party of one.

At times, after spending days without sleep, watching the clock move until it brought birds and sunlight, and after acquiring my new, empowering intuitive voice, I listened. I listened carefully, respectfully. I was to leave my home, my family and friends and go solo to a city hours away to eventually leave my “safe” job and venture out into the unknown, the world of entertainment, or more specifically, standup comedy.

At this point you may say, what was he thinking? But it all makes sense, especially now—years later. The intuitive voice was leading mernaway from home to help me grow and get out of my comfort zone. For ifrnyou don’t in your life, a child you are and a child you will remain. Irnwas alone, on my own with no negating voice coming from family orrnfriends. I had to stand on my own. Sink or swim. I was going into standup comedy. Alone.

Now, to show you how much the negative voice had entered my head and tied me down, how inactive, inert, dead of heart, emotion, and soul Irnwas, I will convey a story that will enlighten as to why going into comedy was essential, imperative for my emotional, experiential, well being. Remember that this is simply an example to enable you to see the importance of personal growth through getting out of your comfort zone to do the unthinkable, if need be, but not the impossible, to greater personal power and strength.

In junior high, I was given some papers to give to another teacher who was teaching a class. All I had to do was knock on the door, walk in and drop the papers off. However, seeing the room full of students stopped me dead in my tracks. I turned, went outside and placed the papers under a bush and went to my next class. A while later, I was called into an office to speak to the two teachers involved. As they asked me questions, I did what I normally did when confronted. I said nothing. Because I had been conditioned to not respond to a parent who marked me wrong no matter what I said, I sat silent and still. Taking neutrality and the consequences of my inaction— and usually a lesser emotional thrashing or penalty—over saying the wrong thing (or the right thing?) and getting beat up about the emotional ears more thoroughly.

Now, in order for me to overcome myself, a self that had been driven into the inner depths of my being, I had to begin by getting in front of people as often as I could to pull my self outward so that I could function more successfully in my personal and professional relationships. Maybe I didn't quite put it into those words at the time, or any words for that matter, but I knew I had to do something tornovercome a debilitating shyness that was hampering me in every aspect of life. Over time I have come to the realization that at the core ofrnany success (family, work, community) is the ability to communicate and function well with other human beings. All of us need to, even if wernrationalize it as not being so.

I had much to over come. I was introverted, shy, depressed, suicidal, angry, and suffered from remorseful hoplessness. I WAS A MESS! But it was MY responsibility to clean up the mess. SOLELY AND ONLY MY RESPONSIBILITY.

So to overcome this being driven deep within, I had to come out. In a BIG WAY.