Jim Manton

She was a messenger sent from heaven. I’ve found that these messengers aren’t very subtle, and the message is almost always the same: “You’ve got something in you that still needs healing, bub. Wake up!

I met her eight years ago in my first ever coaching clinic, a three day workshop for people considering a coaching career. I had just left the corporate world and was still uncertain if not insecure about becoming a coach. What would my former colleagues say?

We were assigned a role-playing situation in which she, playing stranger sitting next to me at the airport, and I, playing a coach, strike up a conversation that results in a coaching engagement. Oh lord, how I hated role playing back then.

It went something like this…

Her: “Hi, headed to St. Louis?”

Me: “Yes, on business. You?”

Her: “Me too. I own a manufacturing business, and we’re backlogged on some orders for our biggest customer. I’ve got to smooth things over or we’ll lose them. What about you?”

Me: “I’m a coach. Most recently a Fortune 500 president, my experience includes blah, blah, blah.”

After listening to me go on-and - on, she breaks her role playing and makes a gag-me gesture pointing a finger to the back of her throat.

Her: “Just *!#$% stop, ok? When are you going to find out about me? How can you ever help me if you don’t stop telling me how great you are? I could never work with someone like you.”

Rather direct feedback, wouldn’t you say? It was not only direct, but it was something I needed to hear. What a gift. I love the way it all works. She was a perfect messenger. I doubt anyone else in the workshop would have been as triggered as she was by my egotistical performance.

Recently laid off after 25 years of hard work and loyalty, she had had her fill of arrogant, self-centered senior executives who she blamed for her situation. Funny, I’m pretty sure she felt better just getting that off her chest, but I couldn’t say the same.

But after recovering from that embarrassing scene, I woke up. The messenger had done her job. By seeing how she was victimizing herself by blaming some faceless senior executives for her plight, I could see how I was victimizing myself. I saw that I was being held back by clinging to an old identity. That was the moment I transitioned. I let go of the past and stepped into the future.

My new future was created as soon as I had the courage to say “I am a coach” based on absolutely nothing. My past accomplishments were irrelevant. It’s called taking a stand. Don’t believe it? Try it yourself. Declare who you are, commit to action immediately, never stop improving, and never stop believing. Think about it. If you truly commit and never stop improving, what could stop you from succeeding…other than yourself?