Kathleen Juhl

Insecurity. Ironic, really because the word says “in” “security”, as though the very essence of security has wrapped its loving arms around me, rocking the all of me gently in its embrace. Ahh, now that feels so much better, so much freer and so much easier. So now whenever I feel that creepy, tummy grabbing time stopping gnawing ache in the pit of my stomach, I will think “in” security”! I am fine. I am protected. I am safe and exactly where I am suppose to be, in perfect harmony with the universe and my purpose. One foot gently in front of the other, one slow easy breathe in, one slow easy breathe out. Repeat as desired. If I only had this wisdom in my youth; perhaps I did, only the other voices where so much louder that I ignored its sweet soft serenade until the others were heard and answered.

Insecurity dropped in the minute it was suggested that I share my path, my bio, so as to give those that do not know me a sense of who I am. Sounded simple enough before I started typing! Fortunately, Tom and I have our “flip it” process so my insecurity easily became that warm “in” “security” feeling that is my core.

Growing up my family nicknamed me “Nurse Nancy” and “Judge For the Defense”, while my husbands (ok, I have had 3, one ex, one deceased and one long suffering) have said I should have been a lawyer as I never lose an argument and remember everything at the precise moment necessary to provide them with enough rope to hang themselves. On the other hand, I am the original, give the guy another chance friend and the person you call when you want someone to really listen and hear your heart. The city of Chicago, specifically Little Flower Parish on the south side was my childhood hometown. Raised in a lovely Irish Catholic community, I developed the prerequisite sardonic wit tempered with a deep compassion for all things dark and lost.

We were a small family filled with all the drama and dysfunction of any family worth its salt and it was in that context that I learned so much about myself and the world. My dad graduated from the University of Notre Dame in 1942 and that campus, in particular, the Grotto, was my second home. At a very young age I knew that I would attend St. Mary’s College across the road and dreamed of being married in Sacred Heart Church, now a Basilica. In the pre-Vatican II days you could only be married in your parish church so that wish was always met with a smile and pat on the head because my home parish was 90 miles away. There was never a doubt in my mind that both wishes would be fulfilled. Looking back I laugh at my innocence and sing a song of gratitude for my knowingness and faith. Women were not accepted to ND when I was a young girl, so the campus of St. Mary’s held my path for uniting with that powerful energy of Mary representing love, hope, protection and compassion. Joyfully, time reflected that dreams do come true because in 1977 I graduated from St. Mary’s and in 1975 I was married on the campus of Notre Dame in the beautiful Sacred Heart of Notre Dame church that was so often a childhood sanctuary! I loved the quiet, the history, the smell of the candles, the dripping gold, the creaking wood floors and implied promise of salvation. My soul resonated with these qualities calling out my very life’s purpose.

How was it possible to dream that a girl with good school skills, not great; of average means would attend such a demanding and prestigious school? How did this girl with passable looks and tentative self confidence even imagine that she’d find someone to marry? I don’t know, I didn’t think, I didn’t plot and plan, rather I just believed.
Deep down, I mean deep down inside all of us is this kind of knowing, an intuition, a gift if you will, that is waiting for unwrapping. Too often we are so busy that we forget to stop and listen, to silence the noise and melt into the possibilities of our truest self. Sure we all read the books and go to see Eat, Pray, Love; but do we allow ourselves the few moments of self reflective bliss that will lift the veil of self ignorance? If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands-yes it is that simple-“if you know it” being the key phrase. It matters not what you do, who you are or how you look, all that matters is “if you know”, you are ___, then clap your hands. Perhaps sadness and anxiety have roots in the dark despair of not knowing who we truly are or in the equally disconcerting arena of being in conflict with that basic truth. How lonely it is to be out of sync with yourself. Functional yes, happy maybe but connected to the all of all, knowing that you are finally at home within yourself, within this one human experience probably not. I wonder about these kinds of things frequently and I have since I was a child. Clearly I did not easily find other such ponderous soul mates while in grammar school as these types of discussions would have been atypical. However, I do remember my dearest childhood friend, Maureen and I raising a few eyebrows at the rectory with our “modern” ideas!

My family moved the summer between my sophomore and junior year in high school affording me the opportunity to make myself over, so to speak, to shed the skin of elementary school and let the new more vulnerable Kathleen emerge. At sixteen my friend and I belonged to a teen group exploring the concepts of “I’m OK, You’re OK” and I knew I had found my happy place-understanding how we tick, how we communicate and how we come to think about and interpret the world around us. On fire, I would walk to the South Bend library and read about reinca ation, Hatha and Kundalini yoga, the natural laws of man and any self help book I could find. As I read, there was that familiar sense of knowingness again, an odd intuition that all this would interconnect at some distance time in my future. How? When? I did not know then and sometimes, as the years revealed, I did not listen either! Ahh, but that is my judgmental side rearing its ugly head. Sometimes I forget what I have already learned – all things happen in the right order, at the right time and for the perfect reason whether I am consciously aware of that reason or not, but I digress.

College and graduate school brought about a passion to assist those who had lost or never acquired the gift of speech and language, the ability to communicate either verbally, in print or to function within the unspoken rules of society. (Oh yeah another childhood nickname was “Chatty Kathy” so life without some form of communication was a pain beyond my comprehension). What an honor it has been to serve and learn from my students and patients. The step from speech therapist to clinical hypnotherapist was a very natural one for me. I had spent years helping people communicate “outside” of themselves and now it was time to assist with the inner dialogue; the most important conversation of all between conscious and subconscious, self and dreams. As I meandered down this road of unraveling the secrets for creating happiness, I learned that quieting the mind, relaxing the body and opening the heart were key tools for effective self awareness, hence my attraction to meditation, hypnotherapy, Neuro-linguistic programming and metaphysics. Clearly the marriage of all these elements would be a powerful way to understand myself, manifest my life’s purpose and serve humanity allowing me to clap loudly in response to “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands”.

Finding the process to easily and effectively blend what I knew to be natural, safe techniques into a system that would assist me or anyone, create that sacred space where honest communion between body, mind and soul could transpire became my passion, my mission. Fortunately my son’s path intersected with this calling at the perfect time. Together, representing two separate generations, dramatically different childhoods and totally unique personalities, we created The Path delineating the four elements Dream, Heart Centered Belief, Super Cleanse, and Energize necessary for self realization and a “how to” process to manifest anything. I believe, the better you know yourself, the more likely you are to attract to you what you truly desire with the least amount of resistance in the shortest amount of time. If you find that you are not having success then perhaps one of the four experiences above will assist you in correcting the problem. I know they helped me.

What else can I say? The years have flown by, filled with marriage, births, moves, laughter, wins and losses, friends, success and second guesses, divorce and deaths. My layers continue to fall away chiseling a clearer view of my evolving self until death when I shall lay down my tools and rest. Until then I am a magnificent work in progress humbly learning as I go and sharing along the way. Smiling “in”-“security”. Can you hear me clapping? I am HAPPY and I am lucky enough to know it. I wish the same for each of you and would be honored if my life’s experiences and work are stepping stones along your path to fulfillment.

Enjoy. Smile. Believe.