LEE Baucom
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Article
Can A Separation Save Your Marriage?
In the past few days, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones announced they are separating. Reportedly, the reason for the separation is to “take some time apart and work on themselves.” The 13 year marriage has endured Douglas’ throat cancer and Zeta-Jones’ diagnosis of suffering from Bi-Polar Disorder. The same report also notes that there has been no legal action. Which raises the question: can a separation save a marriage? That is a simple “yes, it can.” The more compl
September 6, 2013
Article
Why Connection Is Easier To Heal Than You Think. . . And How To Do It!
Jill and Steve were similar to lots of other couples I have seen. Each was deeply hurt and angry with the other. Neither felt loved or cared for. Both felt deeply disconnected. But Jill still dragged Steve into my office, hoping for a change. Steve was sure that nothing could be done, telling me “it just isn’t meant to be. If it were, we would not always be so hurt and angry.” While Jill was hurt, she was still hopeful that something could change -- that there was some solut
August 20, 2013
Article
Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps
“So, how DO you save your marriage?” asked the frustrated voice on the other end of the call. “Eric” had been working to save his marriage for some time. And it seemed that no matter where he looked, all he saw was conflicting advice: “fix your communication,” “make her jealous,” “use reverse psychology,” and lots of other “gems” out there. But it left Eric no closer to saving his marriage than when he started. “Why is it so hard?,” wondered Eric. I had to agree. Since I crea
July 24, 2013
Article
Save Your Marriage: End Limiting Beliefs
“What can I do?,” cried Sharon, “I can’t do anything! I don’t even know where to start! I want to save my marriage, but he refuses to even think about it.” And with that, Sharon launched into a discussion that lasted at least 25 minutes, telling me why nothing could be done, why her marriage was a lost cause, and how she was useless. After several attempts to slow down the avalanche of hopelessness, I finally got Sharon’s attention: “Okay, so there is nothing you can do. Thi
July 24, 2013
Article
Save The Marriage Rule 3: Love Follows Action
It is an old story, retold several times a year in Hollywood, many times in books. Two people meet, fall in love, and feel the pitter-patter of their heartbeats forever. They always have that love-sick look in their eyes, even when they are apart. That is proof that they are the right people for each other. Or at least Hollywood --and novels-- would have us believe it! And that one myth is more destructive than almost any other about love and marriage in our culture. Myth.
August 30, 2012
Article
Rule 2 for Saving Your Marriage
However it happened, you find yourself in the middle of a marriage crisis. You may not have even seen it coming. Maybe you did, but you were pretending not to notice. Or maybe you saw it coming, but couldn't do anything about it. Your first reaction is likely shock. You feel that gut-wrenching grab in your stomach, the cold sweat of fear gripping you. That "punched in the stomach" feeling floods your body with adrenaline, pumping you into an all-out fear response. If you ar
August 20, 2012
Article
I Am Tired and Sore (And What That Has To Do With Saving Your Marriage!)
I admit it! I am tired. I am sore. I have discovered muscles I didn't know I had, and ones I didn't know could hurt! Here's the thing: for years, I have been a trail runner. I love being in the woods, seeing the changing seasons, and running with my Yellow Lab, Sunny. We have a blast! But then, winter hit. It was cold, but worse, it was wet -- very wet! And it never stayed cold enough to freeze the ground. And it seemed that on every running day, it rained. Well, as much as I
April 14, 2010
Article
Is It REALLY Possible To Stop A Divorce?
Marriage is a relationship of balance. . . and a balance that is easily upset these days. Unfortunately, the solution many people choose to deal with the situation is to divorce. I say "unfortunate" because the vast majority of people enter into getting a divorce with a very optimistic view of the consequences. In fact, people underestimate the cost, the emotional toll, the length of time, the energy, and the consequences for children. So, they blindly head down the road to
December 7, 2009
Article
What Feeds Extramarital Infatuations?
Yet another person sitting in my office, trying to explain why his marriage was doomed for failure, and his "new love" was right! "Greg" is a good guy. He is successful, nice, well spoken. . . by all exte al accounts, he's got it all. His wife of 18 years stays home and raises their two kids. Who would know that Greg is ready to "chuck it all," as he told me? You see, part of Greg's job requires him to travel internationally. He loves the new places he gets to see, and for
April 24, 2009
Article
Top Ten Ways To NOT Save Your Marriage!
Here it is! My Top 10 Ways to NOT Save Your Marriage! These are the mistakes I see day-in and day-out. Avoid these mistakes if you want to save your marriage. Commit these mistakes at your own risk! 10) Do nothing! Don't worry, the crisis (problem, situation, incident, threat, etc.) will pass! Ah, the old "bury your head in the sand approach!" The reality is, it is very unlikely that the crisis will simply pass. Let's be honest: over time, this strategy builds up more and m
March 4, 2009
Article
Seasons Of A Marriage: Change Happens!
I love to trail run. I love the exhiliration of running through the woods, feeling the ground beneath me. I'm usually just behind my yellow Lab. I don't live in what anyone would consider to be the Mecca of trail running. But there is this one trail. . . I figure I have run it over 600 times. It is my standby trail, about 7 miles long. After that many runs, I know what is coming, and exactly where I am. I don't have to think about it, I just go. My mind calms and I think of
December 11, 2008
Article
A Thankful Attitude Can Save Your Marriage
In the United States, it is around Thanksgiving, a time set aside to be thankful. For far too many people, it really becomes an opportunity to eat a big meal, watch a little football, and take a few days off work. Too bad! What an opportunity to set aside a time to do what we should always do: focus on that for which we are thankful. In fact, the latest research on our health and our ability to thrive shows that those who are thankful and express gratitude live longer, have
November 24, 2008
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