Ramone Smith

I remember years ago when I bought my first self-esteem book. It was “Maximum Self-Esteem” by Jerry Minchinton and I would cover the book jacket with my hands as I read it on the New York City subways. I felt embarrassed and thought that other people would judge me and come to an erroneous conclusion that I suffered from low self- esteem. I hind sight I was partially wrong in that equation because the very act of me hiding the book only confirmed that my self-esteem was in need of repair because I was more conce ed about what strangers would think about me. Fortunately after concluding the book and several others I stopped worrying about what others thought of me and began to unabashedly read the books in public with the covers exposed. It was a clear sign that my self-esteem was improving and I learned a very importantly principle from those books that have served me well to this date;

‘My opinion of myself should always be higher than anyone else about me. Whether it is a complement or critique, others opinions of me should be subsequent to my own self opinion.’

In sharing this personal growth experience I am urging the African American community to explore the benefits of self-esteem and other self-help books. It is true that no other race or ethnic group has a monopoly on attaining and maintaining high self-esteem. Nonetheless because of our unique history as Americans and the fact that too many of us still lag in areas of education, employment and social mobility, it is a good suggestion to check out other philosophical options on ways to live our lives.

This approach is especially important because studies confirm that with few exceptions, most people end up just like their parents. If your parents were middle class then you are more likely to stay middle class or go up. If your parents were poor, you are more likely to be just as poor as your parents. Similarly, if you derive from a single parent household, then you are more likely to have children out of wedlock. If your father has a history of prison recidivism, then the odds increase that you will follow that path.

I derive from a single parent house hold and my father did have a history of periodic jail time. I was well on my way to recreating the next generation of the baby mama drama, repeat arrest guy form the hood. An older brother counseled me and raised my conciseness. He said that I had the potential to do great things and that I did not have to follow in my parents footsteps. Later on I learned through self-help readings that I am responsible for my life and through my decision making process I can take my life in the directio I desired. The obscure yet hinted lessons were even though my parents loved me, they were woefully unequipped to address their own baggage. This was due to the ineffective problem solving mechanisms they learned growing up. Subsequently they unconsciously passed them down to my brothers and I. You can’t teach what you don’t know.

Self-help readings showed me alte ative ways of thinking that included effective coping strategies designed to help me self-actualize. In addition most books are written by people just like us that have faced all kinds of adversities and successfully overcame them. This ranges from dealing dysfunctional family members, surviving alcohol and drug abuse and achieving self-love through increasing self-awareness. Personally I think Oprah Winfrey is one of the most inspiring self-help stories in recent history. There are few individuals born into the challenging circumstances that she was and go on to become one of the world’s most powerful and influential personalities.

Here are some of the practical areas of the human condition that self-help readings can address:

• Self-Acceptance: Self-help books can teach you to accept yourself which is a vital component to self-growth.
• Confidence: Self-help books can teach you to become more confident by helping you focus on your assets not deficits.
• Understanding: Self-help books can give you the knowledge to help you understand who you are and why you are this way
• Personal Touch: If you cannot afford a coach, counselor or therapist, most self-help books are written in a way that allows you to identify with the issue and intended goal.
• Motivational: If the author can overcome the stated problem than so can I
• Non Judgmental: Self-help books don’t judge you the way religious material sometimes can. The only mission is to get you from where you are to where you want to be.
• Informative: I guarantee you will be exposed to information you never were before
• Gateways: Very often self-help material is a passage way to other self-enhancing skill building materials and opportunities.
• No Need to reinvent the wheel: no matter where you are on the planet, most human beings have faced tremendous challenges and overcame them. The wise ones leave blue prints in the form of writing books to show us how to do it. In fact most human problems are so commo I bet numerically they will only total about 20 or 30. Identify how other successful people did it and we can follow suit.

I feel that the African Americans community can gain immense insight from various forms of self-help material. In most cases, that knowledge/skill attainment can mean the difference between living a fulfilling self-loving life or one t hat is wrought with the misery of negative consequences from one bad decision after another.

I firmly believe that human beings by nature are always looking for inspiration. It is how we are wired to survive and thrive. Reading and buying into the methodology of how others have done it can make the transition to your authentic self a little easier and a lot more fun.