Raphael Cushnir

Two Questions That Can Changer Your Life

Six years ago my wife at the time attempted suicide. It was one of the worst days of my life. After receiving the news, I drove to the hospital with sweaty palms and a racing heart. Yet, at the same time, without denying or minimizing the severity of the situation, I was also radiantly happy, at home in a state ofrnabiding love.

Tornmany this seems inappropriate, perhaps even impossible. And I would’ve felt the same way, before coming to know, firsthand, what the essence of love really is.

For me, love emanates from the core of life itself. It’s a dynamic, primal force, the universe’s urge for inclusion, for union, for the dissolution of that which separates. But here’s the amazing part – it requires absolutely no cause whatsoever. Nothing is necessary to bring it about, and nothing can take itrnaway. Love simply is, and it’s up to us whether we want to choose it.

Consciously, most of us would give anything to experience this endless, transformative love. Yet unconsciously, we turn away from it all day long. Why we do that, and how to reverse that behavior, is the topic of all my talks and workshops atrnschools, prisons, churches and retreat centers. It’s also the message of my two books, Unconditional Bliss: Finding Happiness in the Face of Hardship, and the brand new Setting Your Heart on Fire: Seven Invitations to Liberate Yourr Life.

Inrnthis brief space I’d like to share the heart of this message. Not as an expert or authority of any kind, but instead as an observer, a questioner, a voice that calls you to assess your own experience.

Inrnmy experience, bliss comes to us when we’re in a state of expansion. This means we’re open, receptive, flowing with ourselves and our surroundings. For some of us this happens when we sing, or see a great film, or play with our children or walk in nature. The point is that we’re available. And the more available we are, the more delightful our experience.

Unfortunately, however, we’re often anything but available. Instead we’re in a state of contraction. Contraction is a mental, physical and emotional reaction to anything we don’trnlike or want. From small annoyances like a rotten apple to great tragedies like the death of a loved one, we touch the pain of the moment and instinctively recoil from it. There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s completely natural. In fact, all of life is a great dance of contraction and expansion.

The problem is that it’s almost impossible to fully un-contract unless we’re aware that we’re contracted in the first place. And when we remain contracted, long past the experience that brought it about, we’re living in a state of resistance.

Resistance is the key. Becoming aware of our resistance allows us to let it go, allows usrnto experience whatever we’ve contracted against. This is acceptance. And as soon as we make it through to acceptance, we’re free to expand once more and reap the benefits.

But letting go of resistance isn’t so easy. As much as some parts of us want to let go, other parts want to hold on for dear life. This is where the two questions come in, two simple questions designed to bring us fully, radically into the present.

The first question is What is happening right now? It’s what we ask whenever we’ve become aware that we’re contracted, always focusing first on the sensations in our bodies. We focus on our bodies because that’s where all feelings occur. The more we ask the question, the more natural and automatic is becomes. Inrnfact, it begins to occur at a level deeper than language.

The second question is Can I be with it? To be with something means accepting it fully, no longer fighting its undeniable reality. Once we do that, once we’re willing to feel everything that this acceptance may bring about, we’ve laid the groundwork for renewed expansion.

Irncall this process of inquiry Living the Questions, in honor of the great poet Rainer Maria Rilke. Living the Questions is simple, straightforward, and doesn’t require you to change anything about your beliefs or your lifestyle. Irnencourage you to try it for awhile and see what happens. Try it in a traffic jam, during a fight with your friend, when your head is aching, or when your checkbook’s overdrawn. It requires persistence and real courage. The rewards, however, are extraordinary.

Just by asking and answering two questions we go from being a spectator of life to truly living it. We’re there, one hundred percent. And, more often than we’d ever expect, so is joy, fulfillment and love.

***

Raphaelr Cushnir was recently featured in O, The Oprah Magazine. His first book, "Unconditionalr Bliss: Finding Happiness in the Face of Hardship" (Quest, 2000)was twice nominated as Best Personal Growth book of the year. His new book, Setting Yourr Heart on Fire (Broadway), has just been released. It has been endorsed by Sharonr Salzburg, Byron Katie, Lama Surya Das, and Tara Bennet Goleman. In addition tornhis spiritual work, Raphael is also an award winning screenwriter and filmmaker. His film, "Sexual Healing," was nominated for two Acer Awards and won Grand Prize at the Houston Film Festival. For more info: livingthequestions.org

http://www.livingthequestions.org

Coming Soon

BOOK ACCOLADES:

How Now: 100 Ways to Celebrate the Present Moment (2005) was a Winner: Best Spiritual Books of 2005, Spirituality & Health magazine

Unconditional Bliss: Finding Happiness in the Face of Hardship (2000) was nominated for the Books for a Better Life Award