Sue Plumtree
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Article
What is Non-Love and How Does it Impact on Your Life?
The first time I heard the term non-love was about five years ago. The context, at the time, was limited to a particular person and to a particular situation. The situation was simple. I had been calling my Mum every single day for over ten years. It was an expectation I had put on myself after my Dad died that this is what I should do. After so many years it became one of those habits that remained unquestioned but, because of changes in my circumstances, eventually became a
May 26, 2009
Article
Understanding Love
Most of us love the way we love, full stop. We rarely wonder if the way we express it actually is experienced as intended, that is, whether it actually works for our partner or not.nnI believe it is important to think about it because this can cause much pain, confusion and resentment.nnLike most people I learned to express love from my parents. It was their unshakeable belief that they knew what was best for me and that it was their duty to save me from making mistakes and s
May 26, 2009
Article
Why Are Personal Boundaries Important?
I was brought up to always be friendly, agreeable, charming and cheerful. My parents believed that my very survival depended on people liking me and this was, clearly, the way one gets people to like them.nnI grew up, got married and, over the years, developed a variety of friendships of varying degrees of social âappropriatenessâ and superficiality. nnI worked as hard as I could at all these relationships. One of the approaches I had developed was to avoid conflict at al
January 9, 2007
Article
What's Wrong With Having Expectations?
If you ever wondered why your life looks and feels the way it does (not good) then it might be worth your while to look at your beliefs and expectations. Generally speaking, our expectations are based on our beliefs and the main problem with this is that, using the iceberg analogy, 90% of our beliefs and expectations tend to be hidden from our awareness while we tend to regard the remaining 10%, the ones we are aware of, as valid and realistic.nnThe problem with expectations
November 29, 2006
Article
Why Do We Feel Lonely?
Many people think that solitude is the same as isolation. That is not the case. Solitude can be strengthening. Feeling isolated is the worst of experiences. We believe no-one is interested in us, wouldnât mind if we are there or not. In my opinion, this is sheer torment.nnPeople who are isolated tend to think it is the other personâs fault for not coming over to see us or telephoning us, even if only sometimes.nnWhen I felt isolated a learned a lot about myself. I started
November 28, 2006
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