Tammy Davidson
Free
Author of Survive Infidelity HQ and Relationship Advice Expert
Tammy Davidson Quick Facts
- Career Focus
- Professional Blogger, Writer
I will start quickly and say everything I'm not so everyone knows where we stand. I'm not a counselor, or perhaps a mental health specialist, or perhaps a counselor, or perhaps a physician. I'm much like other women, a betrayed woman, but one that has come out the other side, is now over the worst of the pain.
I manage a site which started as a blog, sort of outlet for my own experiences. And then I kinda shaped it into a website, which now became a resource site for those trying to survive infidelity.
You can visit my website at http://www.surviveinfidelityhq.com
Articles by this expert
SelfGrowth articles and saved writing connected to this expert.
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Warning! Marital affairs can seriously damage your emotional health!
The profound and powerful emotions, experienced upon discovering a marital affair, can cause significant emotional damage to the person experiencing them, if they are not handled properly. How can you handle the strong emotions triggered by a husband’s infidelity? Closing down and effectively shutting out anyone who can help is not the answer.r
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4 Steps to recovering your self-esteem after the affair
Time has passed and it is now after the affair. You have spent some time thinking about your feelings, trying to put your negative thoughts aside and making an effort to understand your emotions. The initial shock is over, your husband’s cheating is out in the open and people now expect you to take some action. Resist attempts to rush you into making decisions; this is still your life, and whilst you are understandably emotionally rocky, your brain still works, you can think for yourself!
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When he is having an affair – Dealing with the Hurt and Pain
Your world has just splintered, everything you took for granted is up for question now; you have just discovered your husband was having an affair, and the hurt is unbearable. Those first few moments when you find out that the person you love is a liar and a cheat, that he has been holding someone else in his arms, that he has betrayed you; those first few moments are the worst.
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Positive thinking can help you to survive infidelity
Banishing negative thoughts requires replacement with positive thoughts, which is possible with practice. Learning basic breathing exercises and focusing on the act of breathing, may seem basic, but with regular practice is effective. Negative thoughts needed to be identified, written down, and focused breathing techniques used to distract the mind. For some women this negativity is life threatening, and counseling or psychiatric help may be the only solution.
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Believe you can change your life after the affair
Building self-confidence is about looking back at what worked and looking forward to what could work. You have survived an extramarital affair, it may not feel that way right now, but tell yourself enough times that you are a survivor and you will start to believe it. This is what is known as self-affirmation. It is what is practiced when you replaced negative thoughts with positive ones.
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Why you should avoid destructive emotions!
Affairs in marriage bring out the absolute worst in people, and make for good newspaper copy! Finding out that you are married to a cheating husband, is likely to trigger anger. Nobody would deny the right of a betrayed spouse to feel anger, but it is important that one be careful as to where that anger leads. The newspapers may make headlines out of anger and its consequences, “betrayed wife torches cheating husbands Ferrari” but generally speaking it is not a productive route to take.
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Banish negative emotions, a strategy to clear your mind
The first weeks after discovering their husband’s extramarital affair the wife will experience a mindless jumble of emotions. For some those weeks pass in a blur and they cannot remember much about what they did, let alone what they said. This is critically important, and no decisions should be made during this period of time or long lasing mistakes may be the outcome. Women undergoing this confusing and stressful time must think first and foremost of themselves.
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Emotional betrayal and your feelings
Rage, it is perfectly normal to feel angry, at your betrayer for having an extramarital affair, at yourself, at his friends who kept the secret, at your friends who did not warn you, at the world for letting this happen! It is not, however, alright to take that rage out on your children, nor should rage be allowed to take over your life.
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Is he cheating on me? Why?
For most women who find out that their husband was cheating on them, the first question they ask themselves is, how could this happen? You may not have had any idea that your marriage was in trouble, or maybe you had asked yourself, is he cheating on me, and dismissed the notion as foolish, ridiculous, and unthinkable. Now, faced with the harsh reality of infidelity, and once the initial shock has passed your head will be full of these questions, which you may or may not get answers to.
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Emotional Affair is worse than a Physical One!
The idea of your husband or wife being physically intimate with another person is one of the worst aspects of discovering a spouse’s infidelity. The images replay in the betrayed spouses’ minds and the feelings of disgust can run deep. However, one can argue you can at least fight sex! The deep connection and sharing of hopes and dreams implied by a husbands’ emotional affair; his reliance on another woman for his emotional needs is far more of a betrayal of trust, as it calls into question the wife’s role in the relationship and is far harder to fight.
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Emotional Affairs, What’s All the Fuss About?
There are two quite different beliefs as to what is an emotional affair; the one believes it to be a workplace friendship, the other believes it to be the single most dangerous threat to a marriage possible. These two viewpoints do not fall neatly into gender camps, but there is a commonality between those on one side and those on the other. The deniers tend to see themselves at the center of most interactions, while those who accept that emotional infidelity is a real and potential threat have heightened empathy and see relationships as involving several people.
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How do emotional affairs happen?
Once you at least partly accept that, for a lot of people, the workplace is the source of many an emotional affair; you may want to know how to avoid getting involved in one, or maybe you need to identify if you are close to the edge of an emotional affair, without realizing it? Few married people are comfortable with the notion of infidelity, and yet, they can allow themselves to get dangerously close to someone, whilst kidding themselves that they are not being unfaithful because there is no physical intimacy.
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Favorite Quotes & Thoughts from Tammy Davidson
Surviving infidelity takes work, but it can be done, relationships can be healed.
Contacting Tammy Davidson
You can reach me via email or visit our Survive Infidelity Forum