Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
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Do Something Selfish Today
Why help others? Okay, we know we are supposed to because our culture and religions tell us to. But we aren’t necessarily good at following those rules. So, why help others? It will make the world a better place. But so would driving less, not using so much plastic, etc, etc, etc. We know that but it still doesn’t necessarily make us do any of those activities. So, why should we help others? A very basic, selfish reason is that helping others makes us feel good. Have you ever reached out to someone who needed you? Do you remember how you felt after? We tend to feel happy and fulfilled.
Therapy?
How do I know if I need to go to therapy? A common question, often answered with “I must be crazy if I have to go to therapy!” So, the first thing I want to say in response is that you do not need to be crazy to be in therapy. In fact, I do not see crazy people in my practice. Crazy people see things that aren’t there and hear people who aren’t there. There is usually a chemical imbalance that needs to be corrected with medication.
Assumptions
I was interviewed for a new web site where I was asked what is the number one problem in marriages? With little hesitatio I answered, “assumptions!” Because we assume that we know our partners, we assume that we know what they are thinking. Know one thing for sure, if you are assuming, then assume that you are wrong. We do not know what is happening in someone else’s mind. No matter how close we are, we stand an excellent chance of getting it wrong. Let me share some examples. I know this couple that had been dating for a few months.
Happy Valentine's?
Happy Valentine’s Day! Valentine’s day has always struck me as an odd day. If you are not involved with someone, you need to hurry up and find someone so that you are not alone that day. If you are with someone, you must show your undying love by sending cards and chocolate. All because society says so. What is so special about February 14th? Who decreed that this is THE day for proclaiming love? If you are in a relationship where you are only shown love once a year, you have bigger issues than a box of chocolate can fix. Unfortunately, that is what happens.
Priorities
We are told in our society that we should always put ourselves first. I was told in all of my training, we always need to put ourselves first so that we have energy to then take care of others. Then I became a wife and mother. I discovered that I couldn’t always put myself first. There were many times my kids’ needs came first, or my husband’s did. Occasionally even the dogs’ needs did.
Anxiety
Anxiety is a major issue. Over 40 millio Americans suffer from some form of anxiety. One in four people world-wide will suffer from anxiety at some point in their lives. So, if you are suffering from anxiety, you are not alone! But the good news is that are things that you can do to help yourself feel better, more confident, more relaxed! I always suggest to people that I work with to go to their family doctor and get a full physical. There may be an underlying physical condition. Once that is ruled out, it is time for us to get to work. It is important to breathe.
The Value of Doing Nothing
Sometimes the most valuable way you can spend your time is to do nothing. Now, all of you type A’s are jumping up and down and exclaiming that is not possible. Ah, but it is. We tend to spend so much time running around, that we do not realize how stressed we are. The more stressed we are, the less clearly we can think. Also, the more stressed we are, the more damage we are doing to our bodies. When we are stressed the hormone cortisol comes pouring out. Cortisol is designed to help us in “flight or fight” situations.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness. That can be a very tough concept. When someone has hurt you, should you forgive them? Do you want to forgive them? What happens if you choose not to? What happens to you if you chose to forgive? I have worked with many couple where there has been infidelity. This is a very difficult area. We do not want to forgive when we have been hurt and betrayed. We often want to lash out back at our partner who has so wounded us. The betrayal of the marriage vows is no small injury. The marriage can recover, but it takes a great deal of work.
Blessings
How often do you stop and count your blessings? Once a day? Once a month? Never? We need to be aware of how much we have to be thankful for. Can you stand up every morning without pain? What a blessing! Do you have two legs to stand on? Do you have a roof over your head and food in your refrigerator? Do you have a refrigerator? Look at all of your blessings! Do you have people in your life who love you? Do you appreciate how special that is? I recently met a woman who lost her husband of 25 years very unexpectedly on Christmas Day.
Ouch! He doesn't like me!
A very common dilemma that many people face is that we want people to like us. We may even do things that we disagree with, just to be sure that people like us. We talk about this happening with children, but, unfortunately, this is usually something that we do not grow out of. Why is it so important that people like us? Well, it feels good! It does not feel good when people do not like us. While there are some people that do seem to thrive on getting people all agitated at them, Simon Cowell comes to mind; most of us are uncomfortable with this.