10 Tips for Handling Strained Relationships During the Holidays

This is the time of year when many people feel stressed and not wanting (needing) to be with family. All your bad feelings come up as you remember how past holidays went. Remember your thoughts just last year?

"I'm never going to do that again!"

"I can't believe those are my relatives"

"Why was I so stupid to think they would change?"

Past hurts rage as the memories spin around in your head.

How can you make this holiday season different? How will you act and how will you feel after the Holidays are over? Implement the tips below and you'll be amazed as to the change you'll make in yourself. When you change yourself, you'll notice a change in others. It's funny how that works! What would be different in your life when you bring a bigger and better person (You!) to any relationship?

Below are 10 simple tips to make this Holiday Season worth remembering in a good way.

Tension. Notice the tension inside of you as you think about your visit with family. On a piece of paper, write down how you feel. Just a few notes will do.

Planned Outcome. Think about how you'd like to feel when the holidays are over. On the same piece of paper write your answer down.

Choices. Accept that life is filled with choices. Do you choose to keep control of your choices or will you allow others to make your choices? I suggest you be in charge. You'll feel so much better internally. Just knowing that the choices are yours to make will grow your confidence and self-esteem.

Intentions. Before leaving your home or before your guest arrive, write down your thoughts about the different people you'll be seeing. Remember you can only change yourself. Don't try to change others (that's losing position). Stay focused on your goal.

Values. Stay true to your values! Everybody has values, yet most people don't really know what they are. Write your values down! This way you will know what they are and be more likely to walk in the strength they give.

Boundaries. Create boundaries for yourself. Personal boundaries are the guidelines, rules or limits that you create about what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around you and how you will respond when someone steps outside those limits. Also be sure that you don't go into other peoples boundaries. That too is losing situation.

Expectations. Create your own expectations of the event. But remember, while you can place expectations on yourself, you lose if you try to place expectations on others.

Avoid Assumptions. Notice when you're in conversation. Are you or other people assuming what the others are thinking? Do you and they really know the facts? Assumptions do get people in trouble.

Language. Notice your language. Language is the basis of just about everything, love and on the opposite side of the spectrum, war or an argument. Remember that language is more than words. Be aware of body language also.

Awareness. Notice what's really going on in the room and inside your body. If you notice a change from feeling good to something that just doesn't feeling right, be aware and take action. Maybe change the subject or just move on and talk with someone else. When you're aware you'll notice your energy level. Are you energized or is someone or something draining your energy? Get away from draining situations.

Remember, it's all about choice, awareness, action, and learning from those actions. What you did in the past didn't work. It's time to try something different. These 10 tips make a great starting point for making this holiday season the best you've ever had!