10 ways to greater love

If you truly want love then you have to consider how you approach love. Make your relationship last with these 10 loving tips.

1. Find a way never to criticize – even the type that is believed to be constructive. Instead think of ways to help and support and just do it. Always have the mindset that there must be good reasons why they behave in the way they do.

2. Absolute compatibility is a myth – but think about it – would you really be happy if you were exactly the same? Variety is the spice of life, so look upon the differences as adding the vim and zip to life and your friendship/relationship.

3. Find ways to be close – find things to do together. When you feel yourself slipping away give yourself a slap and remember to find ways to include your friend. After all the foundation of a relationship is friendship and doing things together - may be not all the time but enough to remember the connection.

4. Games add spice but not the blame game. This is one game that results in people never wanting to play again or putting up so many defenses that there is no game. Break down defenses by using the language of ‘I feel.”

5. What are the goals of a relationship? Yes relationships have goals and the greatest goal is to be more intimate and to do things that foster intimacy.

6. Hard bargain – the healthiest relationships are not about calculating an exact exchange – there will be times when each gives more or receives more – keep up the giving and the gracious receiving as much as possible.

7. Another goal to is to reach the deepest form of love. The deepest form of love goes past the heady passionate time. At that stage some couples think the relationship is over and give up. Ironically if the couple continues, they may reach the land of the deepest love.

8. Focus on the positive. Focus on the goals. Focus on the joys too. Leave the negative out of the equation – in fact treat it as a blessing in disguise and an opportunity for you to do more and develop more. Remember every time you complain is a wasted opportunity to focus on the positive and for you to do something constructive. Focusing on the negative is detrimental unless you treat it in a positive way – a way for you to do more and give more.

9. Listen Up. If you have ever taught young children you will know that getting them to listen is one of the challenges of teaching. It can be the same in a relationship but you need to start with yourself first and think about do you really listen with your ears and your eyes in your relationship? If you think you are always right then you are in need of a listening tune up. In fact, it is more positive to listen without any judgment of who is right or wrong because if you do, you are keeping scores which is detrimental in a relationship.

10. Sharing likes. Some people hide their needs. Ironically you should let your partner/friend be aware of your likes – perhaps that is a better way than saying needs. Treat your likes as a way of sharing who you are.