6 Scriptural Misbeliefs of Christian Codependency

The following 6 Scriptural misbeliefs form the basis of Christian codependency. They show how inaccurate Scriptural beliefs contribute to codependent choices. The cure is an accurate understanding of what the Bible says about ourselves and how we are to value ourselves compared to others in relationships. Here are the 6 Scriptural beliefs:

1. The belief that it is your responsibility to help other people. We do need to share our resources and care about the needs of those around us. Scripture definitely supports sharing, caring, helping, giving, and loving. The question is how far should it go? There has to be a balance that involves caring first for yourself so you have something to give to others. 2 Corinthians 9:6-11 reminds us that our giving needs to be from choice rather than compulsion and that it needs to come from our abundance.

2. The belief that God rewards self-sacrifice and giving no matter what the motivation is. God will reward self-sacrifice and giving when it is from a right motive. God looks at your heart more than your outward actions. If your giving is to be seen by others, to get praise, to earn love, to prove you are worthy, or is out of compulsion, it is a wrong motive.

3. The belief that you are unworthy to receive God's love and must earn it. When you truly understand that you are loved unconditionally by God and don't have to do anything else to earn his love, you will rest in him and not feel compelled to gain his love by works; you will instead seek to live in a way that pleases him because you love him. It feels different because the motivation is completely opposite.

4. The belief that you shouldn't say no and when you do, you feel guilty. You have the right to say no to anything. God gave each of us choice and stewardship over our lives including our time, bodies, talents, resources, and emotions. You have the responsibility to use these in a way that maximizes what God gave you. In order to do that, you have to be able to say no to the things that you don't want in your life.

5. The belief that you shouldn't be happy when others are hurting and unhappy. We need to have empathy for those that are hurting but we can have that empathy while we are living our own lives. Each of us experience difficult times at different times. We don't have to feel bad that we aren't in a bad place when others are. We just have to be considerate about what we say and do around them, in other words, use wisdom.

6. The belief that a husband loves his wife by not saying no and that a wife submits to her husband no matter what. A husband loves his wife by caring for her in a loving way. That love should involve unconditional love and sacrificial giving, but it also needs to involve boundaries. A wife submits to her husband as a part of a loving and mutually caring partnership but she doesn't give up the right to be a person and exercise her right to speak her mind which includes saying no when she needs to.