Addicted to Ambivalence?

Some days are harder than others. Today seems to be one of those, for me: no energy, not wanting to jump on my planned tasks. One curse of being a therapist is my tendency is to look for reasons. And so I reviewed some of my recent decisions and actions, and non-actions, and found myself looking at the questionnaire I wrote a while back: "Are You Addicted to Ambivalence?" I posted it for your own exploration.

My answers revealed that I am feeling uncertain about a couple of recent smallish decisions. And that began to rumble deeper indecision and self-doubt in general. I am viewing my whole life through the small window of the past week. NOT A GOOD IDEA. For today, I'll take my best advice and lower expectations and toss my to-do list, slow waaaaay, down, and simply be deliberately kind to myself and those I encounter. And that is a decisio
I can feel good about.

Are You Decisive or Ambivalent?

No one feels confident about what to do all the time, but some are more decisive than others. Review the following 20 questions, thinking about how you approach making decisions. Each moment offers us a choice that takes us to a next step, whether it is building daily habits or making big changes.

Give 0 points for each YES and 5 for NEVER, with graduating scale of 1 to 4 for the gray areas.

1. I am excited when starting a new project but seldom complete the ones from before.
2. I am admittedly impulsive, often regretting what I have purchased, agreed to, or done.
3. I seldom give 100% attention to a project--I answer the phone, delay, or sabotage my progress.
4. I often wonder if I made a mistake by choosing my current (or recent) career .
5. I envy or admire many other people’s habits and choices: most seem smarter or braver than mine.
6. I listen to Drs. Phil or Laura and secretly would love someone like them to just tell me what to do!
7. I sometimes blame society, my parents, partner, wife, and/or kids for my not being happy.
8. Deadlines help me sometimes, but too often I give up and say the goal didn’t really matter.
9. People close to me would be surprised at how indecisive I can be.
10. I have much to be grateful for, but regret how I may have blown my chances for a much better life.
11. I often daydream about living a very different life: adventures, successes, sex, risks, then sigh.
12. I feel like an impostor when people admire me or compliment my achievements.
13. I pretend to be more confident tha
I actually feel about the strength of my relationships.
14. In looking over my life, I see how I’ve blown opportunities by hesitating.
15. I frequently start a new diet or health routine with extreme rigor, and then blow it within a week.
16. I dislike many personality traits (unhappy, depressed, worried) I display much of the time.
17. I often think that if I just lost weight or had more money, most of my problems would be solved.
18. I hate my money situation, body, job, marriage, home, or car, etc., but feel powerless to change it.
19. I have no idea how to really approach a major change or project. I don’t even want to know!
20. I’m not sure I answered these questions the way I should have. (It’s okay to redo them!)

How to grade? Well, 100 obviously some kind of problem, but am not sure what…. The grading is not intended to make you feel bad, I want to encourage you to address the underlying issue of constant dissatisfaction and self-doubt. Take the test in a week and see if the numbers change. Sometimes a quiz helps us to motivate ourselves. Or to accept ourselves and the lives we have managed to create.

If you believe that you are more likely to make worthwhile changes if someone you trust advises you, then seek a life coach or therapist. Life is too short to be living in uncertainty and regret. www.cynthiawall.com