The Top 10 Tips for Maintaining Healthy Boundaries in Communcation

1. Monitor the "communication culture" of your home and your work.

Is gossip the norm? Is sarcasm and insensitivity the norm? If so, it's time to take a stand and to shift to a higher level of sensitivity and respect.

2. Allow the people who will be affected by the decisions that you make to have a part in giving you feedback about your decision before your decision is final.

This may mean that if you have already formed a decision, that you would "un-form" it in order to get the feedback of those involved. Failing to share your decision-making process with others can make them feel disrespected, unimportant, or abandoned.

3. Shift what you are doing if a situation makes you feel that you are communicating from a child role or from a parent role.

Excellent communicators maintain an adult/adult equality in their communication style with their peers.

4. Listen carefully for any "victim mentality" leaking into your speech.

When you notice it creeping in, stop and repword whatever you were saying, using the language of responsibility. "I was too sick to call my mom" can be changed to "I was sick and I made a decision to wait until I was feeling better to wish my mom a belated happy birthday."

5. Stop gossiping.

It breaks down trust. Trust is the most important ingredient in successful relationships and successful businesses.

6. Honor your spouse and your children by limiting the amount of time that you are on your cell phone when they are in the car with you.

This can become a sacred zone for deepening family intimacy if you make the changes necessary to set boundaries. No one ever said, "I wish I spent more time on my car phone" when they were on their deathbed.

7. Follow through on your declarations of what you say you are going to do.

People will view you as dependable and trustworthy. If you have a pattern of changing your mind at the last minute, others will think of you as "flaky" and "full of hot air."

8. Share negative emotions only in person or on the phone.

E-mails, answering machine messages, and notes are too impersonal for the delicate nature of negative words. What feels like a bomb on paper may feel like a feather when delivered in person.

9. Speak to family members with more respect and courtesy than you speak to anyone else with.

Almost everyone speaks with their spouse, children, siblings, parents, etc. in ways that they would never dream of speaking to their co-workers. If you make efforts to reverse this tendency, you will be more likely to experience the kind of relationships that you are hoping to experience.

10. Refrain from stating the obvious.

If someone has gained weight, lost weight, gotten a haircut, or grown or shaved a beard, they are probably sick and tired of everyone bringing it up. nnnn