Are You Capable of Leaving an Unsatisfying Intimacy when You Realize the Relationship Isn’t Good Enough?

I once heard someone describing her wish to separate from her partner in the following words: “I’m in the departure lounge at the airport… there’s some waiting before take-off…there might even be some delay…”. She already knew she should separate, but still hesitated about doing it and decided to delay and postpone the moment. I must say to her credit that she found a very original way to talk about it. She’s already made a decision to leave, yet postponed the execution until sometime later. How “later” she didn’t say. What could be the reasons for her indecision? * Is she still in love with her partner and therefore doesn’t leave? * Are they living together and she doesn’t know where to move to (or doesn’t have the money)? * Is she afraid to be alone? * Is she a person who always hesitates “for ages” before making a decision – or before a decision is made for her? * Is she someone who sees herself as a victim, who sees her life as a continuous struggle, who believes she goes through life suffering, and therefore no matter what she does – even if she’ll eventually leave – her life will not turn on for the better? You don’t know. It is almost impossible to get into the head of another – even when we at times think we know the reason behind their decision (or indecision). You might not know the true reasons even if she herself might tell us why she postpones the separation: she might know what she’s talking about, but she might also be unaware of the true reason(s) which drives her to delay her departure. At times you wish you would have understood. At times you wish you could have helped her make a decision. You think you know what’s best for her! She’s a good friend of yours and you want her to have a wonderful life. You might even know – from anecdotes she told you – how miserable her current relationship has been. But you also know how miserable her past relationships were. And you wonder: * Is it because of her that her relationships always sour? * Is there anything in her personality which drives her to harm and sabotage her relationships? * Is it that she always makes the wrong choices about her partners? * Is it that she behaves within a relationship in such a way that pushes her partners away from her – be it that she is too demanding, too moody, too “loving” to the extent of suffocating her partners, or just too submissive to the extend of not being respected and adored? Your guess is just a guess. Since as much as you think you know your friend, you don’t really know her well enough. So, talking about her relationship, she says she feels as if she is in the departure lounge at the airport… there’s some waiting before take-off…there might even be some delay… Getting up the courage to make a decision and move forward isn’t always easy. And while she waits you also wait, patiently or impatiently, to see what her next move will be. If and when.