Are You in a Sexless Marriage?

Are you in a sexless marriage? I’m a sex therapist in Orange County, CA and I assure you, you are not alone! About 25% of all marriages are “sexless,” meaning that the couple has sex fewer than one to two dozen times a year.

Sometimes marriages naturally go through dry spells. A partner might be sick, be pulled by care-giving demands, or absent due to military or other job obligations. But when couples go for a year or longer without connecting in the bedroom, there’s a problem.

What causes a sexless marriage? Many couples stop having sex during the last part of pregnancy and during the first months they have a newborn. They struggle with finding time, but also with feeling sexy when there’s an infant in the house with all the demands of parenting. Other couples struggle with sex from the beginning. One partner may have been raised in a very strict religious home and can’t let enjoy sex, even though they’re married.

There can be serious issues that get in the way of a couple having regular sex. If one member of the couple has been sexually abused or assaulted, then they may avoid sex because it triggers bad memories. Other problems, like depression or substance abuse, can get in the way of sexual pleasure.

What can you do about a sexless marriage? First, it’s important that you and your partner acknowledge there is a problem. Try to talk it out together to figure out what the root cause is. When you do try to restart your sex life, be realistic. Though it may not seem romantic, you may need to schedule times for making love.

Many people are unaware that there is a type of professional called a sex therapist that is available to help couples that have a sexless marriage. A sex therapist is a psychotherapist that specializes in sexual problems. It is talk therapy. If you do decide to see a sex therapist, check with your state’s licensing board online to ensure that they are licensed to help you.