Boundaries With Adult Children: Lessons From the Prodigal Son

Are you trying to figure out your boundaries with your adult children? Then you will benefit from these lessons from the prodigal son. In Luke 15:11-32, a son asks for his inheritance early and then leaves his home to spend it foolishly. When he hits a bottom and realizes he needs to come home to survive, he returns to find his father running to meet him and subsequently throwing him a party to celebrate his return. Instead of being treated like a servant, he was treated as a son.

When you have prodigal children who make foolish choices, it is difficult to know how to deal with the many challenges you have. The story of the prodigal gives us the following principles for setting boundaries with adult children:

1. The father is a good father. There is no indication that it is his fault that his son had problems.

2. The father may have enabled his son by giving him the money that paid for his wild life; he may also have recognized that his son needed to learn about life the hard way and as a result, let his son go his own way to learn that lesson. Either way, the father didn't offer his son more money to continue his wild living when he finally ran out.

3. The father allowed his son the dignity and right to make his own choices and suffer the consequences.

4. God continued to work in the prodigal son's life while he was away from his father's influence.

5. The father wasn't happy with his son's choices, but he lived his life while his son was gone and continued to manage the family business and live according to his convictions.

6. The father left the door open for his son's return, showing he continued to hold hope. We know from God's description of his unconditional agape love that love always hopes and always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:7).

7. The father showed unconditional love toward his son in welcoming him home and restoring his place in the home as a son, rather than a servant, which is an allegorical description of God's unconditional love toward us. However, we know God's love toward us includes a tough love that allows consequences (Galatians 6:7-8) and holds us accountable (Romans 14:12). It is for this reason that the father and prodigal son probably had a discussion in the days that followed the party about the lessons the son had learned and the consequences that would follow, some such consequences being that the son had already spent his inheritance and the relationship with his brother was negatively affected.

As you struggle with decisions on how to set boundaries with your adult child, consider what the story of the prodigal son teaches you in parenting.

1. Good parents can have prodigal children who make unwise choices as adults.
2. Your boundaries shouldn't enable your adult child to continue making unwise choices.
3. You need to allow your child to make his/her own choices and suffer the consequences.
4. God is working in your son or daughter's life even when it doesn't look like it.
5. You need to live your life fully regardless of the problems with your child.
6. You can continue to have hope for your child's restoration and reconciliation.
7. You can have a relationship with your child that includes unconditional love and boundaries at the same time.