Can You Blame “The Other Sex” for Your Failed Relationships?

If you have been trying for a long time now to have a satisfying intimacy and didn’t succeed, it is very likely that you fail due to lack of Self-Awareness: you don’t understand how you shoot yourself in the foot. Developing Self-Awareness will enable you to realize a host of factors which drive you to harm your relationships, de-activate the power these factors exert over you and become empowered to develop a successful and satisfying relationship.

As long as you are not aware you might justify your failures by telling yourself: “it isn’t my fault that my relationship has failed once again; it is because of my partner. That’s the way women are (or that’s the way men are)”.

Many find it is easier to think that way rather than take responsibility for their failures.

DO MEN AND WOMEN HARM THEIR RELATIONSHIPS IN DIFFERENT WAYS?

Indeed, much of the gender literature tells us that that men and women are DIFFERENT. Therefore some believe that it “makes sense” to blame the “other sex” when a relationship fails. Women, we might have been grown up to believe, tend to be too dependent on their partners or “love too much” to the point of suffocating their partners and distancing them. Books, films and other media might have shown women to be more jealous then men, often stirring anger, arguments, and “jealous scenes”.

Men, on the other hand – we have grown up to believe - are too domineering to the point of harming the relationship by driving their partners to feel controlled and abused. Men are also believed to be controlled by the fear of commitment to the point of running away from each and every relationship. We have also been educated to believe that men lack listening skills and empathy; that they quickly jump to offer solutions to problems rather than “being there” for their partners, thus driving their partners to feel they are not being listened to, but rather are being put down and even ridiculed.

If these differences have played a true role in harming an intimate relationship then it might have been possible for you to justify your failures by placing the blame on “the other sex”.

But are there indeed many differences between men and women with regard to intimate relationships? Do men and women sabotage their relationships in different ways? And, most important for you, can you really go ahead and justify your failures by placing the blame on “the other sex”?

MEN AND WOMEN ALIKE ARE CONTROLLED BY SIMILAR FACTORS WHICH DRIVE THEM TO SABOTAGE THEIR RELATIONSHIPS

A careful look shows us that BOTH men and women might be too jealous to the point of ruining the relationship; BOTH might be too controlling; too egocentric; too submissive or too aggressive, and so on.

There is a growing evidence that”characteristics” and behaviors which were originally attributed to men are now exhibited by women (such as control, aggressiveness, independence), and”characteristics” and behaviors which were originally attributed to women are now exhibited by men (such as jealousy, fear of abandonment, possessiveness).

Both men and women are driven by fears, be it fear of commitment (which drives them to run away from each relationship), fear of being alone (which causes them to jump in with whomever shows interest in them), and other fears. Both men and women are driven by needs (to be loved and appreciated, which might push them to be too suffocating and “attention grabbers” and drive them to jealous scenes); by unrealistic expectations and fantasies regarding partners and relationships (which drive them to be disappointed time and again or place too many demands on their partners); by emotional and behavioural patterns which repeat themselves throughout all their interactions (such as avoidance, escape, clinging, bossiness, a sense of guilt, an inflated ego, the need for attention and the like).

All these drive men and women alike to harm their relationships time and again.

BOTH WOMEN AND MEN ARE NOT AWARE OF THE WAYS IN WHICH THEY SABOTAGE THEIR RELATIONSHIPS

Whether men and women use similar or different ways which sabotage their relationships is therefore NOT the issue. The real issue is that both men and women sabotage their relationships – in whichever ways they do – due to one singular fact: THEY LACK SELF-AWARENESS: they don’t see and understand how they shoot themselves in the foot. They are ignorant of whichever fears, needs, unrealistic expectations or fantasies exert power over them and drive them to sabotage their relationships.

And as long as you are unaware, you will continue sabotaging you relationships. Whether you are a single person on the dating scene; whether you have a partner or whether you jump from one relationship to another – you might not realize how you shoot yourself in the foot, and not know how to develop and maintain a satisfying intimacy.

HOW CAN YOU BECOME AWARE?

If you sincerely wish to understand what makes you fail in your relationships over and over again and are wholeheartedly interested in finally developing a satisfying intimacy, you should take your time to develop Self-Awareness.

It will enable you to realize a host of factors which drive you to sabotage your relationships (such as: fears and needs, unrealistic expectations and fantasies, your perception of reality of how relationships “should” look like, and more) – factors which, until now, you have been unaware of.

Becoming aware of these factors will enable you to de-activate the power they have exerted over your attitudes, reactions and behaviros, and become empowered to finally develop a successful and satisfying intimacy.