Christian Relationship Help - Fight, Flight, Or Freeze Responses To Fear In Difficult Relationships

This Christian relationship help will enable you to identify these three responses to fear in difficult relationships: fight, flight, or freeze. Each results in different problems in the relationship.

1. Fight

Many of us respond to fear and anxiety by trying to force solutions. We confront the person and demand change. We intervene to manipulate things so they go the way we want them to. We fix, nag, reason, threaten, argue, and intervene. This makes us feel like we are producing change, but we are focusing our energy on changing the other person when we should be focusing on changing ourselves.

2. Flight

Others respond to fear by fleeing with avoidance and denial. Whether it is by over-focusing on other things, engaging in addictions of our own, or sticking our heads in the sand, we refuse to face issues and rarely confront. This results in our ignoring things to our own peril. We don't do what we need to do to protect ourselves or to deal with things before they get so bad that it comes crashing down around us. Other people will also get frustrated with us, because they will try to get us to see the truth and we stubbornly hang on to our denial.

3. Freeze

Some of us experience freeze. This happens in our dreams where you are unable to run or flee. People in difficult relationships often shut down in response to abuse, anger, confrontation, trauma, and stress. They report not being able to think momentarily and not being able to respond. This typically results in their being unable to protect themselves at all, as they do not fight or flee, they just respond passively to whatever is happening and feel like perpetual victims.

The three responses to fear in difficult relationships, fight, flight, or freeze, are instinctual and protective, but we need to learn to deal with our problems and people by facing our fears. Joshua 1:9 says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" (NIV). Apply this Christian relationship help to understand how the three responses to fear in difficult relationships keep us from dealing with things as we should.

Relationship Prayer: God, help me to learn how to respond to fear by facing it instead of fighting, fleeing, or freezing.

Relationship Challenge: Identify whether you fight, flee, or freeze in response to fear. Purpose to change your response by facing your fears.