Christian Relationship Help: Five Keys to Overcome Jealousy

Are you looking for Christian relationship help to overcome jealousy? Proverbs 27:4 says: "Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? Jealousy is indeed a strong emotion that infects and affects a relationship. Jealousy can be felt toward anyone: friends, siblings, parents, spouses, co-workers, children, and others. Except the jealousy that should be felt toward someone your partner is cheating on you with, you need to deal with your jealousy and not let it infect your relationships. You can do this by using these five keys to overcoming jealousy:

1. Figure out the root. Jealousy is a feeling and behind the feeling are specific things that are triggering it. Ask yourself these questions: What are you jealous about? When is the jealousy felt? When did you first struggle with jealousy? Are you jealous in most of your relationships or just this one? How does the jealousy spill over into the relationship? James identified the root of the fighting amongst the early Christians to their jealousy over things they didn't have and wanted. Yours may also be related to covetousness or it could be insecurity, competition, fear of loss, control, or self-pity.

2. Get a life. Jealousy is focused on something you want and don't have or have and are fearful of losing. Keeping your focus on what you don't have keeps you from taking responsibility to be proactive about making positive changes in your own life. Your fears over losing what you have will drive you to act in ways that will sabotage the relationship and increase the chances it won't work. The key is to get a life. Do whatever it is you can do to move yourself toward what you truly want so you will feel better about yourself. You will be healthier and draw the person toward you rather than push him/her away.

3. Deal with your control issues. Jealousy is also related to control. It is linked to the belief that you have a right to control or judge what another person should have or do. What other people have or do is between them and God. In Matthew 20, Jesus told a parable of some employees who were upset at the other employees whose wages were equal to their own even though they had worked fewer hours. Jesus told them that the only thing that mattered was that the agreement that was made specifically to them was honored. It wasn't any of their business about what another person got.

4. Change your perspective. An attitude change can diminish jealousy. Gratitude for what you do have helps you to let go of the focus on what you don't have. When you compare yourself to others, you will find that you are better than or less than depending on whom you chose to compare yourself to. Instead, be thankful for what you have, learn to be satisfied with what you have, and take your eyes off other people.

5. Deal with your sense of entitlement. The part of jealousy that is related to possessiveness over another person's time, attention, resources, or love is rooted in the belief that you are entitled to that person's time, attention, resources, or love. Except in matters relating to your partner's loyalty and commitment not to cheat on you, you don't own anyone else's exclusivity. No matter how close someone is to you, you cannot expect them to spend all their resources and energy on you.

Galatians 5:20 lists jealousy as one of the fruits of darkness along with hatred, discord, and fits of rage. Jealousy can spoil a great relationship as it permeates every facet and turns what is good into bad. It is important that you use these five keys to overcoming jealousy before you damage your relationship and lose what you truly value.