Christians and Boundaries: Six Questions to Guide You in Setting Biblical Relationship Boundaries

If you are struggling with being a Christian and having boundaries, then these questions will guide you in setting biblical relationship boundaries. One of the reasons boundaries are hard to figure out is because they are different for each person and circumstance. Difficult relationships have complicated dynamics. These questions offer you principles to help you figure out the boundaries that are right for you in each of your relationships. Does what you want to do encourage the person to stop doing something that is wrong? You cannot force anyone to do what is right, but you can influence them positively or negatively. While your boundaries are not meant to manipulate, they do set a standard for what you believe is right or wrong and moral or immoral. God wants us to be light in the darkness (Ephesians 5:11). Where does your responsibility start and end? One of the purposes of boundaries is for you to be responsible for your stuff. When you state what you are willing to do and not do, you are taking responsibility for your part in the relationship and letting go of what isn't yours. By clearly identifying what you should do, you will know the limits you need to set on what you are not willing to do. This is part of your stewardship with what God has given you (Matthew 25:14-30). Where does the other person's responsibility start and end? The other person needs to be responsible for his/her stuff. When you limit what you are willing to do, then the other person has to take care of it. This has to do with accountability. If this person doesn't do what should be done, then it is his/her failure, not yours (Romans 14:12). What boundaries do you need for emotional, spiritual or physical protection? You are allowed to take care of yourself and protect yourself. You do not have to allow people to hurt or abuse you. Jesus modeled taking care of himself and protecting himself from people who wanted to use, abuse, and manipulate him. He only willingly went to the cross when it was the appointed time and for a divine purpose (Matthew 26:52-56). Are you ready to follow through with the stated consequences? Boundaries in relationships are simply what you will and won't do about what someone else does or doesn't do. It is for this reason that boundaries that are violated often have consequences. If you anticipate that the person won't respect your limits, then you might have to follow through with whatever you need to do in response. If you aren't ready yet to follow through, then just state what is bothering you without the consequence so you won't be making threats you don't carry out (Ecclesiastes 5:5). How important is this issue? There are times that we have to weigh how important something really is. It isn't good to make a big deal over every small issue. When you weigh the importance of things, you can determine what really matters in the long run. You can make adjustments for things that aren't matters of right and wrong and that won't result in you feeling bad about yourself (Proverbs 12:16). If you are a Christian struggling with setting boundaries, these six questions will guide you in setting biblical relationship boundaries.