Why Not Average Joe: Exploring Melana's Choice

Admit it. You snickered, rolled your eyes and laughed out loud as the group of "Average Joes" filed out of their busnto meet Melana that first night. You probably thought "no way" as you settled in for a soap about a beautifulngirl's rejection of the geeks. Indeed, Melana herself stated, "someone is messing with my head", as the nextn"average" guy stepped down to meet her.

However, in the episodes that followed, there was bonding, friendship and attraction betwee
Melana andna number of the guys. It actually began to look as though she was falling for at least one or two of them.
Then came the twist. The "gorgeous" guys were sent in to challenge the Joes and test Melana's abilitynto see past the surface and choose based on what each man had to offer as a total package.

At that point, what were you thinking? Who was your front-runner? Did you think it possible that the bondsnthat had been formed would be strong enough to hold Melana's attention- and heart? I'm guessing thatnmany people did. I know a lot of people were routing for Adam or Zack.

So, what happened? In the days that followed the final episode, virtually all of the commentary centered on anvery basic and "simple" explanation of Melana's choice. They all said it was about "looks".

While I agree that physical attraction played a significant role, I believe Melana's choice involved more than this.
How we choose has to do with many things. These include:nn* physical attractionn* shared interests
* social compatibility and friendshipn* intellectual compatibilityn* ability to communicaten* basic valuesn* level of self-knowledgen* level of maturity and dating experiencen* personal and family goals

I am going to do a brief examination of how these played a role in Melana's final decision. Follow along with me and nthink about how these factors come into play in your meeting and dating life. Perhaps Melana's public struggle with nthese can provide some valuable insights into how you choose potential partners and assist you in your desire to makenthe best (and healthiest) choice for you.

Let me begin by stating an obvious point that we are all aware of. The circumstances and setting of the meeting andndating that takes place on a "reality" show have little resemblance to the real world of dating. Dates are chosen, asnis the person who will be doing the choosing. They are sequestered in a beautiful, romantic place where all thei
physical needs are attended to and everyone can present themselves in their best light. The real world of money, time,nenergy and the need for making dating plans are all handled by professionals who go "all out". Even thoughnthe contestants spend weeks together, they are not confronted with the real life issues that singles in the dating worldnmust deal with. Therefore, the circumstances are idyllic. This has pros and cons. I think we all have a pretty good idea ofnwhat these are. The major plus is that everyone can present themselves "equally". The major drawback is that eachnrelationship is limited to this fantasy existence, and there is no opportunity to see each other deal with the day to daynchallenges of real life.

Stepping back into the episodes prior to the inclusion of the "hunks", can you recall the great dates that Melana hadnwith the guys? The group dates were full of laughs and bonding on a friendship level. We all enjoyednwatching Dennis get to the top and see the support and caring that were shown towards him. With each week,
Melana discussed and demonstrated the attractions she was forming with different guys on different levels. Anfew rose to the front of the line as she eliminated based on not just looks, but on the "connection" she felt with each.
Indeed, she used this word a lot. This connection was formed by the elements of:nn* social compatibility and friendshipn* ability to relaten* comfort leveln* basic attractio

Just prior to the twist episode, Adam and Zack seemed to be the front-runners. In their individual dates, they werenable to get to a deeper level of communication. Personality issues arose. There was discussion centering on likes,ndislikes, attitudes and some of their own personal and family history. They began to get a sense of each other’s basicnvalues and goals. Their ability to relate verbally and intellectually started to come into play.

At this point, Adam seemed a strong front-runner. Do you remember what qualities Melana highlighted as shendiscussed her feelings about him? "He's funny, down-to-earth, smart, liked by everyone, and just a great guy."
Do you remember their first "passionate" kiss, and how surprised Melana was at what a great kisser Adam is? We nhave to wonder why she was so surprised. Perhaps because he didn't look like the type? But he clearly was. Itnappeared that Melana was forming a strong bond with him that included all of the elements that love requires- includingnphysical attraction.

So what happened?

Enter the hunks. Do you remember Melana's face as they were brought into the room? Pleased would be a good description.
Her physical attraction to them was obvious and strong. She used words like "handsome, great body, too pretty", tondescribe them. Still, she was drawn to Adam.

As the show went on, Melana had individual dates. She decided to go out with the new guys to give them a chance.
She eliminated Zack, to whom she had admitted having a strong physical attraction for, while being unsure about hisnother attributes.

Towards the end, it was Adam vs Jason. Who would she choose and why? Clearly, the way Jason looked was a major facto
in his staying on. However, Melana also talked about her comfort with him and the ease she felt in their ability toncommunicate. Melana also rated their physical intimacy as great. Indeed the scenes shown from their datesndemonstrated a strong chemistry. Melana was very drawn to him. But what about Adam?

Do you remember how Melana showed mixed feelings on her second to last date with Adam? She expressed thatnshe felt conflicted. Adam was hurt and said so. Even so, they were able to go on with the date and have a pretty good time.
On their last date, there seemed to be a real bond. Melana got a lot more information about Adam. He isnsuccessful, hard working, has many close friends and healthy family relationships. Clearly, she was impressednand drawn to all of these traits. But not enough....

So why her final choice? Melana found friendship, good communication, compatibility, mutual respect, comfort andnattraction with Adam. She also found these with Jason. In addition, there was a STRONGER physical attraction.
Remember her words, "look at him, who could resist that face".

The answer for her final decision? I can only speculate here. However I believe it had to do with her level of maturitynand self-knowledge. Someone with greater self-awareness, a strong handle on their life goals and a level of maturity thatnteaches us that looks fade while other attributes become stronger over time; may very well have chose
Adam.
Instead, Melana appeared to have succumbed to the immediate passions of the here and now, instead of looking aheadnto who would be the best choice for husband, father and partner in the future and sometimes harrowing journey of ncommitment, marriage and family life.

I read with interest that Melana and Jason's "relationship" appeared to be over after their return from their final fantasyndate. I was not at all surprised. One can only guess what went on. I think a good guess is that they got to knowneach other better without the pressure and competition that had come before.. Perhaps Melana began to see thatnalong with his sweetness, Jason had a strong passivity towards life, whereas Adam strove for achievement through hardnwork and determination. Jason seemed to be in need of time and maturity before he would be able to move towardsnan intimate and committed relationship and the responsibilities and challenges that come with it.

No one but Jason and Melana will ever know for sure. I just can't help but wonder if she will regret her decision andnwish she had been older and wiser when she was asked to make it.

I'd love to hear YOUR thoughts and ideas regarding Melana and her choice of Jason. If you'd like to express them, please go to www.consum-mate.comnto contact me.