Coping with Grief

Question: I am the eldest of 12 children and only survivor who did not perish the Australian fires. I feel the guilt being spared from working abroad. Despite my own problems here, being wiped out financially and facing homelessness, I realize the God I know does not care. I find myself disgusted and truly disappointed with Him. I tried to end my life only to awaken alive in a worse way. Why does he take the lives of precious people who doesn't want to die yet the ones who truly wants, he keeps alive? As I read thru your blogs, I can't help but notice you and your followers are the chosen favorites of a caring God . As a last call to ease my pain, I want to know your God, your Higher Power. rnI have fired and through with mine. rnShow me the path to yours. Answer: rnI’m so sorry for your loss. That is more than anyone can be expected to bear. I strongly encourage you to speak to a grief counselor there to help you deal with these heavy feelings of guilt, sorrow and anger. I can well understand how this event would change your belief about God. I have no explanation of God to offer you that can lessen your pain. It’s natural enough to try to make sense of this tragedy by applying our core beliefs about life to it. I honestly do not think such an explanation exists for you nor do I believe a pursuit of such an idea will bring you closer to healing and resolution. rnThere is no emotionally satisfying answer to why this happened, so it is only going to make your more miserable insisting upon one. Your loss and sorrow is not about God’s indifference to suffering , any more than your life before this tragedy reflected God’s caring nature toward you. Ultimately your well being doesn’t depend upon how well your concept of God explains the events in your life, but rather how fully you know yourself outside of your concepts and beliefs. This is the only real path I can offer you that will really lead you out of your suffering. rnAs you come to terms with the pain of your loss you may find that there is nothing more to know of this than to say “it happened.” Its meaning is in its reality--its reality may be the only meaning there is. I know this existential position may sound indifferent and cold, but after you have allowed for the raw grief and anger to run its course, you may start to recognize that there is one inside you that is having those feelings of sorrow and rage. That experiencer has thoughts and feelings but is not limited or exclusively defined by them. That knower is your true Self, your core existence and being. Learning to simply be and experience this inner state of your being through meditation, will help you learn to be with what life is outside of meditation as well. That is your key to finding peace and direction in your life now. rnSo rather than seeking to replace your understanding of God with another concept, perhaps what can come out of this tragedy for you is a life built on the solid rock of your experience of your own existence that no beliefs or events can alter. Don’t try to rush past your feelings for now . These feelings need their expression and there is an natural arc of healing to your process, but at the same time, gently remind yourself when you find yourself spinning your wheels looking for a theological message or meaning in this that that is only diverting your attention away from your actual healing process. When you are ready, you can allow your healing process to take you to a deeper sense of self-knowing that will bring wholeness to your heart once again. rnLove,rnDeepak