Browse Grief and Loss

Loyalty is essential for genuine family solidarity. But blind loyalty leads to family dysfunction. A loyal family member is faithful to the family's traditions and honors its obligations. A loyal family member is emotionally present with support and encouragement during success or duress. These unwavering devotions are admirable and observable: just look at how a loyal family member helps another member during an illness, a financial crisis, the breakup of a marriage, death. I admire family loyalty; I believe in it. However, I do not believe in blind family loyalty. Here's why.

If you are dating or planning to marry a widow or widower, here are some suggestions and thoughts to consider. LEARN ALL ABOUT GRIEF Do some research about grief, read books and talk to others in similar situations. Know what to expect on anniversaries, birthdays and other days that were special to your new partner and his/her late spouse. Being aware and understanding about another person's feelings allows you to be gracious and sensitive to your new partner. TALKING ABOUT A LATE SPOUSE: SHOULD YOU ASK QUESTIONS?r

Have you been on a plane and heard the flight attendant tell you to put on your oxygen mask first? The immediate response is, "No way, I need to take care of my kids (husband, mother, best friend, stranger in the seat next to me...). The idea clashes with our instinct. What does it really mean? Simply put: If you don't put your mask on first, you won't be there for all those other people when they need you. You will be unconscious. The same applies to caregivers.

Is it a bit unusual to have a conversation with a deceased loved one? Do many people do this? And are there any benefits to such action? What will my friends think if they find out? These questions are not uncommon in the thoughts of those mou ing the death of a loved one. These questions are the result of a scientifically oriented culture.

Have you ever had an experience where you said, "Wow, what a coincidence." Maybe it was more. Maybe it was a synchronicity. Let me explain through a Jungian perspective. Carl Jung, the prominent Swiss psychiatrist, believed synchronicity meant 'more than a coincidence.' Jung, the thinker and founder of analytical psychology, connected synchronicities to the bigger world: the collective unconscious.

When you lose someone you love and are grieving, Thanksgiving Day feels burdensome and painful. When a brain tumor took away our precious Katie’s life I dreaded that holiday. For seven years we served no rutabagas because they were Katie’s favorite vegetable. The thought of their seasonal aroma wafting through our home without her in it was too much to bear.

What do you say to someone whose life comes crashing down around them; whose life, as they knew it, is forever and profoundly changed? The first thing to really recognize is that when someone experiences the death of a loved one, the loss is so pervasive, the pain so excruciating, that there are no words that will be particularly helpful or meaningful to hear. You see, grieving is a wholly feeling experience. The intellectual recognition that someone has died is present insid

Caregivers and family members often ask whether they should tell a loved one with Alzheimer's Disease or other dementia about a death in the family, and how they can help them grieve. Although much has been written about the profound grief of caregivers and other family members throughout the course of the successive losses associated with dementia, surprisingly little has been written about bereavement in the dementia patient.r

Peer pressure is not isolated to one age group, everyone needs to belong or feel connected to his or her own age group. Kids and adults are partnered to peer pressure. Teens like adults are influenced by their peer group. This is normal behavior and is modeled for teenagers by the adults around ...

There is a powerful vital life force energy that resides within each of us. Like a raging river, this vital energy needs a channel to flow and be fully expressed. When we allow it to move through us for example with our writing, artwork, or music…by expressing our passions, we allow the river of the divine to flow through us. When in the flow, we are in the present moment. Our spirits come alive; we feel at peace and can experience great joy and bliss.

It's August, let's talk about your child leaving for college. Yes, I know it brings up many feelings. One minute you're laughing with them at a Blue Light Special, the next minute you're dissolving into tears. The thing about being a parent is that when we finally master one stage of development with our kids, they catapult into the next. Leaving for college is a big transition for a family. For many parents it feels like a little death. In a way it is - death to the original family construct.

Loss causes us to ask the tough questions, “Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? It sends us on a journey of self exploration and discovery. It causes us to question the nature of reality. Who we thought we were is no longer. All that we knew to be true, all of our assumptions about life, are tossed into the air where they float in the void of the unknown, then re-organize and create a new picture…a picture of beauty, richness, color and texture.

I have worked on my grief for 10 years, 10 whole years. That loop of grief would get occasional relief, relief that would sometimes last a few weeks. Some of the edges were smoothed. There was hope that I would be whole again for a bit. I would fall back into that pit of grief every, single time for 10 years. I can’t even imagine the frustration my friends went through, trying to help me help myself with every, single modality that was available. I failed every time. I f

The intense and painful experiences of grief are generally considered "normal." However, when those experiences are extremely distressing, unduly interfere with day-to-day functioning or do not subside to a manageable level over time, the bereaved may be experiencing complicated or traumatic grief.

“It's the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary.” – Paulo Coelho Camping this summer, my husband, John, and I were reminded how freeing it is to live simply. We had only the bare necessities with us…food, water, our camping gear and clothes. Living in a simple environment, we were able to appreciate the small things and be more fully present in the moment. Consequently, we felt more joyful and at peace. For example, here is a brief journal entry I wrote after waking up to a gorgeous day in Ouray, Colorado:

Surrounded by royal blue water extending beyond the horizon in all directions, no land in sight, I gaze at the path of diamonds dancing on the ocean’s surface. The sun radiating on my skin feels like a warm cashmere sweater. It is August 19, 1998, and I am on my first ocean passage of a ...Surrounded by royal blue water extending beyond the horizon in all directions, no land in sight, I gaze at the path of diamonds dancing on the ocean’s surface. The sun radiating on my skin feels like a warm cashmere sweater.

If you find yourself feeling unmotivated, lacking energy for life, grumpy or irritable, you may be depressed. Depression is typically caused by suppressed anger, at the root of which is the feeling of powerlessness. When we give our power away, our creative life force energy becomes stifled and “depressed” and we are no longer in the flow of manifesting abundance. We are unable to be receptive to creative solutions and new possibilities. Imagine a dam, and how it blocks the flow of water. This is what happens to our energy when we suppress our anger.

The business world does not recognize mourning in the workplace very well. Once we bury our loved one, we are expected to go back to our jobs to continue, as if we were unchanged by their death. nnWe do not see widows wearing black clothing in the business world, and men certainly do not mourn in public. A universally accepted time allotment for mourning is not recognized. When is it enough? When is it too soon to stop? nnYet, there are some job cultures that do recognize a p

Many are mou ing the death of Elizabeth Edwards. I would like to share some thoughts of my own about why we are gripped by her life's story. I believe Elizabeth Edwards embodies two archetypes: the mother and the hero. I will focus on the hero archetype believing it is the more prominent. Just as Odysseus was asked to leave his routine life because something serious occurred, we also may be called to do something heroic.

The famous Swiss psychiatrist, Carl G. Jung, said what we deny, fear or don’t address consciously will visit us as fate. I agree and believe, too, if we don’t manifest our intentions, we will manifest our fears. Many people believe therapy is about resolving a crisis or healing a traumatic ...

Have you ever felt confused when speaking with someone? He or she might be smiling but you were uncomfortable by how they were acting? Well, it might be a passive-aggressive behavior you are experiencing. Passive-aggressive behavior is a manner of interacting with others in passive ways as, ...

When you open yourself up to love, you open yourself up to loss. When you suffer a loss, you will experience the painful emotion we call grief. It's a natural response to loss yet to the person going through this afflictive emotion, the experience feels overwhelming. I would like to help you understand that going through it means it is a process not an event and, depending on the personal connection you have to the loss, it is very individual.

Spring is wonderful season for planting the seeds of abundance. Flowers bloom in abundant colors, gardens yield fresh yummy vegetables and the sun shines for outdoor adventures with family and friends. Abundance truly is many things to many people. Have you ever seen someone do the money dance? You know, where they take their arms and swing them in circular motions, all while singing, “I am in the money, I am in the money.” The money dance makes you smile and resonates happy energy. Everything in life has the possibility of becoming a dance. The dance you choose is up to you.

Recovering from grief after a significant emotional loss is hard enough without the added pain when the death is the result of murder, suicide, or a disease such as AIDS. The feelings of being emotionally, mentally, or even socially isolated from the people and events around us,usually experienced by a griever, are compounded when the loved one dies at the hands of another, by her/his own hands, or from a socially stigmatized disease. Family and friends are often fearful of what others might think or say, or ashamed of the circumstances of the love one's death.

Some say we don't have anymore heroes but I say we do. Let's take a look at what a hero is and decide if you are one. A hero travels the hero's journey. That's when regular people such as you or me are asked to leave our routine life because something serious has occurred and we are asked to do something about it. We are "called to help." We are called to save our king, our country, our friend, or ourself. And because the task is arduous, we really don't want to accept it.

Holidays can be difficult for widows. Whether it is a birthday, anniversary, Thanksgiving or New Years, the memories of past holidays can keep widows stuck in the past and unable to move forward in their life. It can feel impossible to even consider participating in a holiday without one's spouse. Those shared traditions and memories from past years probably do not feel appropriate now. Sometimes widows feel guilty when they think about participating in special days without their spouse.

Grief is a mysterious creature. It lurks unnoticed in the dark corners of our hearts only to be un-leashed by the simplest of provocations…listening to a song, looking at a picture, watching a movie, a brief thought or memory flashes through our minds reminding us of our loss. All of a sudden, a torrent of tears wells up within and comes tumbling out, unannounced. In amazement, we wonder, “Where did that come from? I thought I was done grieving.” Just when we feel we have grieved all we can, there is still more.

At a distance we noticed a hawk flying. In the next moment, it headed straight towards us and circled over head. Smiling, I knew that Kyle was with us as we celebrated the 13-year anniversary of his death. We made a ritual of hiking to his tree, a small oak ling; we planted in his honor, a year after he passed. I hadn’t been there in three years, so was happy to see how the tree had filled out and was big enough to provide shade for me and my family, protecting us from the scorching sun.

Defining Soul Pain I am often asked to define soul pain. While it is not an easy thing to define, I have come to acknowledge that soul pain is the sum total of the physical, mental, emotional and social distress experienced following a tragic life event. And yet, it is more than that. It is more than the sum of the distress of these human aspects. Soul pain is a crisis of the human spirit. It is suffering of the deepest kind. It is a plague deep within. It is a wrestle with

There is something wonderfully reflective about a new year: it's another chance to get it right. At the beginning of each calendar year I separate my life into five important areas: physical, emotional, professional, familial and spiritual. I analyze honestly how I'm doing in each category - well, of course I do; it's my business! Today let me help you to analyze your life.

Let's talk about the four seasons of marriage: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Usually we think of marriage as a relationship with our partner but it can also be the state of marriage solely within us called "the inner marriage." The inner marriage is an intimate relationship with ourself. ...

It was 1992. Four years had lapsed since my daughter Katie's diagnosis of a brain tumor. She was now healthy and back working in New York City. Because my mate al stress levels were greatly relaxed, my professional dreams began to reemerge. It was time to think about making them come true.

No one can know the depth of despair to which a person may sink upon contemplation of suicide. Possibly, the black hole in which one finds him/herself gets deeper and darker as the days go by. Soon, even the smallest sliver of light is blocked from view. And then -- instead of being frightening -- the darkness becomes comforting and safe. It cradles and protects the person from all outside forces – from life and all the decisions to be made, both large and small. Ete al sleep and “supposed” freedom from worry beckon the suicide until he can no longer resist, and life is snuffed out.

While in the grieving process, it may feel as though hope has abandoned you. Depressed, you question your purpose for living. You ask, “Why did this happen? What is the point of it all?” You may have lost hope for living your dreams or don’t even know what they are anymore. Perhaps your loved one was an integral part of living the life you had always imagined. Uninspired, you go through the motions of your daily life without feeling truly alive. The following are helpful keys to re-awaken hope when you no longer feel jazzed about life.

Coping strategies for depression.. Even the most positive and pro active person can find it is very difficult to climb past the problems and feelings that come with suffering from depression. There are all sorts of things to think of. Not just how you feel, but how others see you and how it affects your normal every day life. A mother might find it very hard to do something as simple as changing a nappy or bathing their baby, things that before the illness took hold of them w

At one point or another, tragedy will affect our lives. At the time that it happens, you will think that the bad feeling will never go away, but there are certain things that can be done to help you move forward and resume your life. You need to acknowledge and accept that the unfortunate event has happened so you can move forward, otherwise you may hold on to that grief forever. Grief Comes In Stages There are certain stages of grief that come in a predictable sequence no ma

Guy Fawks night is the British equivalent of the 4th July—well almost. Fireworks certainly spill into the night skies above every town in the country. Held on the 5th November its usually a chilly night with spectators wrapped up in hats, scarves, gloves and coats, grateful for the raging bonfire that is typically the centerpiece of the night, as they huddle together, necks craning to Ahhhh and Oooooh at the pyrotechnic display of twinkling lights overhead. I remember one of these festive nights in particular.

Many who grieve find comfort and healing through the jou aling process. Writing truly does cause thinking. And thinking is the beginning of new awareness. And awareness is the beginning of transformation. When the love of your life is no longer physically present in your everyday like, there is definitely a huge empty space in your life. Often there is a great need to express yourself. Jou aling can really fill that need in a safe and secure way. Your journal can become your closest confidant. You may ask if jou aling is an isolating process.

I f you are going through a divorce or a romantic break-up you may be experiencing many emotions....from anger, fear, disappointment, hopelessness toward the future, sadness, to grief (this emotion sometimes is not recognized, but it can be real). In many cases divorce is not a devastating loss, on the contrary you may feel happy or relieved, but in most cases, all of a sudden finding oneself not being part of a couple hits us hard and sometimes we ask, • How was I wrong?r • What mistake did I make?r • Could I have done something different?r

In my younger days I was naive enough to think I could control change. I've learned, but not quickly enough, that no one can control or stop change. And, here is an interesting little fact: Charles Darwin believed that those who survive are the people who can adapt to ongoing change. They are not necessarily the most intelligent or even the strongest people, but they are the survivors. That thought of survival brings me to today's topic of change and how to understand it a little better.

Living from the heart, throwing logic and practicality to the wind, and following the voice of love and inspiration takes strength and courage. But, as we break free from the chains of reason to follow our soul’s callings, a universe of possibilities opens up to us. Unforeseen assistance guides us and supports us on our journey. As a result, our hearts open and expand in love and trust. Strength and courage build and soon we find ourselves living the life of our dreams!

For many people, family gatherings during the Happy Holidays aren't so happy. While most of us enjoy getting together at holidays, mixed feelings of love, anxiety and confusion often collide. But why in the world would family holidays cause conste ation or anxious feelings? Why would family be other than a supreme source of joy? Are not our families the portals in the storm and our safe refuge? Sadly, not always, and the reason is that some families just aren't safe and their communication style is often a big part of the problem.

Surrounded by royal blue water extending beyond the horizon in all directions, no land in sight, I gaze at the path of diamonds dancing on the ocean’s surface. The sun radiating on my skin feels like a warm cashmere sweater. It is August 19, 1998, and I am on my first ocean passage of a life-transforming journey, a journey leading to a more authentic and purposeful life.

After the death of someone we love our grief experience and overall healing has everything to do with our relationship to the deceased, the intensity and depth of the love we felt for them and our degree of faith in a hereafter. In the immediate aftermath of a person's death, it's hard to breathe and everything hurts. We feel shattered, bewildered and frightened. Sometimes, however, grief shows us its own timetable and can be delayed or complicated. I experienced a long delay in time sequence when my father died. I was thirteen years old; it was the springtime of my life.

Sobbing, I exclaimed, “I finally have my life back!” Sitting on a catamaran on a beach at Mission Bay in San Diego last week, my step-mom, sister, her boyfriend and I took time out to celebrate my brother, Kyle’s life on the anniversary of his death. He had been gone for twelve years now. We talked about what his life might be like if Cystic Fibrosis hadn’t ended it at the early age of fifteen. Would he be married? What type of work would he be doing? What type of person would he be?

Introduction At some point in life, each of us struggles in our attempt to make sense of the circumstances surrounding a difficult life experience. The catastrophic event may be situational, such as the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one to death, the loss of a body part, or the loss of the sense of self so deeply felt following victimization. The event may be developmental, such as is experienced as the nest empties, or with the recognition of changes to the physical bo

I don’t believe in coincidences. Whether part of some “divine plan” or a science deeper than we currently understand, I think everything happens for a reason. I see it as a philosophical version of Chaos Theory (http://www.imho.com/grae/chaos/chaos.htm); in my thinking, there is a pattern, a Koch’s Curve (http://mathworld.wolfram.com/KochSnowflake.html) to life. If we could just stand back far enough, we could see the pattern and the beauty. Unfortunately, we usually cannot get that perspective, and that is the problem.

On September 11, 2011, we remember the 10th anniversary of the day when nearly 3,000 victims were killed after two airliners were crashed into the Twin Towers in New York City, another plane hit the Pentagon and a final plane crashed into a field in rural Pennsylvania. This devastating number of causalities included fire fighters, police officers from NYC, the Port Authority, private emergency medical technicians and many paramedics who came to help.

Creating or strengthening our spirituality can have untold beneficial effects upon us after loss. By spirituality I do not mean religion. The two are very separate. Religion is based around organised belief by an outside body. Spirituality in contrast, is individual belief created by searching deep within one’s self.

Sitting at my father’s deathbed, watching every breath, wondering if it would be his last, my family and I were totally present and vigilant. We talked to my father as if he could hear us, attempting to comfort him, although we were really comforting ourselves. Already, he was in another world. His eyes were glazed over and his body was becoming rigid. With tears streaming down my face, I whispered to him, “I will always remember you every time I step onto a sailboat.”

Our roles in life define us. Parent, spouse, student, employee, sibling, and offspring are some examples. Our identity is shaped by these roles.

The darkness I refer to is the painful and life-draining wreckage left after the loss of someone or something that is deeply significant to us. The wreckage is all the "what ifs","I wish", "If only","I should have/shouldn't haves" that remains and keeps repeating itself over and over in our hearts and minds. It is every word,r

The grieving process is natural. Similar to the cycles of the seasons or the ebb and flood of the tides…it is not linear and straightforward, but it comes and goes. At times we may feel good about life…inspired, energized and in our passion. At others we may feel sad, fatigued and depressed. Each of these seasons requires something different from us.

Ever wonder about how to choose a therapist? Today I would like to share my thoughts on this important question. I believe a client can feel more understood when the therapist has clinical experience with the situation the client is bringing to therapy. And, if the therapist has the same personal experience, even better. This implies that the client knows what conce is bringing them into a therapist's office. But if the client doesn't know, an intuitive therapist can quickly assess and understand what is causing the pain in the client's life.

Be strong, time heals, move on, are phrases that we may hear when we suffer a loss and may hinder our grieving process. Because grief is the normal expression of a loss, but it is not easily recognized in society, we may internalize some of these messages which could interfere with our healing process because we learn to suppress our pain. This message of denying one’s pain may come, with the best intention, from a person with authority, such as a parent, a doctor, or even a religious leader. It is as though we are not allowed to grieve and we bury all those feelings inside of us.

Discouraged, I thought, “I wish I could afford to go to therapy.” The grief over my last miscarriage and my pet’s illnesses weighed heavy on me. Further, for the past nine years, I had experienced one early pregnancy loss after another. Tired of leaning on my husband and friends for support, I largely dealt with my grief on my own.

Cruising on I-90 form Washington back to Colorado, John and I are ready for rest after eight hours of driving. We stop at a campground with easy access to the freeway, just outside of Missoula, Montana. Fortunately, the campground is practically empty. We set up camp among tall ponderosa pines and bushes tucked away near a creek. It is the perfect respite from our long trip. Enjoying the solitude and beauty of our site, we decide to stay an extra day.

Time heals, they say. In my experience, time does not heal exactly, but it does help some scar tissue form. It helps the wound from being so excruciating and bloody. My daughter died in May of 2008. In the first weeks and months I clung desperately to time. I counted days, then weeks, finally months, grabbing at every advancement on the calendar with both fists, wanting time to take away the pain. And time, as is its nature, dragged inexorably forward.

“Discovering your Groove and creating a luscious life is all about allowing for Grace through your next transition.” - Shann Vander Leek

Recently, I joined a group of women to journal, meditate and share about our intentions for the New Year. It was suggested that we come up with one or two words to describe our deepest intention underlying all of our desired outcomes. The words that I chose were…“Joyful Creation.” More than anything, I desire to create from a deep place of joy. Inevitably areas of my life where I have not been creating from joy have quickly been revealed to me.

Where two rivers joined, I spotted a large dead Ponderosa pine which had fallen down a steep ravine on its side, half of its trunk submerged in the water. Carefully navigating my way down the ravine, I felt excited….This was the first day of my vacation and the tree was the perfect place for me to relax and meditate. As I lay down with my back fully supported by the trunk of the tree and my body soaking up the warmth of the sun, I dangled my feet in the water. The snow melt from the mountains was fresh and the water was freezing. I promptly removed them!

MIND THE GAP: LIVING IN THE SPACE BETWEEN LOSS AND HEALING One of the most difficult phases in any life transition is the space of the unknown between a loss or change, and healing or new beginning. All life changes, even positive ones, entail a sense of loss or grief. For example, there is a sense of loss in giving up addictive behaviors like cigarette smoking, despite the fact that the change is a positive one. Even the change of getting a better job or promotion entails loss -- you might be giving up security, relationships and the comfort of the known in making such a change.

Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP Author of When Every Day Matters: A Mother's Memoir on Love, Loss and Life The month of February focuses our attention on love. Cards are bought, candy is given, kisses abound. What is it about love? We simply cannot get enough of it. "I love you" and "I'm ...

“Crunch! Crunch! Crunch!” Absolute silence enveloped me except for the sound of my boots on the hard packed snow. I quickly shoved my gloved hands deep into my jacket pockets as I didn’t want my fingers to get frost bitten. With a scarf wrapped tightly around my neck, mouth and nose, and my wool hat on, I was fairly comfortable while walking my dog despite the frigid -8 degree temperature at ten in the morning.

Sympathy for the Younger Widowrn rnSometimes the unexpected happens. The young wife or husband loses their spouse before their life even had time to get started. This is one of those times where you must be extra careful of what you say. While you may have mixed feelings yourself, you should avoid making comments like “it’s good thing you didn’t have children” or “at least you didn’t spend your whole life together.” Saying these things can be so hurtful, and onl

Millions of people have lost their jobs in this economy so let's talk about managing the stress of a job search. Anyone who is in this situation, or loves someone who is, might consider these six suggestions…. Step One - Do not internalize a job loss or job search into your personal identity. Whether you are a new graduate or a semi-retired person whose 401K was cut in half this year, you are not in this situation because of your personal failure. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported in May, 2009 that 7.0 million people have been out of work since December 2007 in the US alone.

When you open yourself to love, you open yourself to loss. When you suffer the loss of someone you love, you experience the painful emotion we call grief because it's a natural response to loss. Yet, to the person going through this afflictive emotion, the experience feels overwhelming because death is a direct blow to our souls.

For many of us, Mother's Day stirs something deeply loving. For others, ambivalent feelings abide. You see, after thirty-three years in the counseling field and drying the tears off many faces, I can accurately say that not every woman feels she had, was or is the "good-enough mother."

While grief is a universal experience, the mou ing process varies from family to family and from culture to culture. What I am referring to as the mou ing process are the rituals that most of us grow up with about how to behave and how to speak when confronted with a loss. In essence, mou ing rituals can be referred to as habits or paradigms. These habits or rituals are usually not questioned.

My grandmom was a model for positive psychology and she taught me a valuable lesson: it’s easier catching bees with honey than with vinegar. I was given the name “Mary” because of her and her devotion to The Blessed Mother. My mother, father, brother, sister and I lived upstairs in her roomy old Victorian house until she died in 1957. She did not die alone - her ten living children surrounded her bedside praying the rosary. In my Catholic upbringing, Grandmom’s death was referred to as “a happy death” because she was in the state of grace when God took her back.

Living in the Bottom of a WellrnBy Sheri N Hall rnYou look up, you see a small circle of light- no it is not ‘Gods light’ but it is the way out. It is seemingly far away but closer than you think. It is very small; sometimes non-existent sometimes you cannot see it because you don’t want to look up. You look around you –at the hard stone walls that surround you, most would feel claustrophobic but not you, you revel in your small, dark enclosure. Here is where you can

TEENS AND GRIEF: A GUIDE FOR PARENTS Adolescence is one of the most difficult and chaotic stages in life, and is widely recognized as a particularly difficult time for dealing with the death of a parent or other loved one.

Cruising on I-90 form Washington back to Colorado, John and I are ready for rest after eight hours of driving. We stop at a campground with easy access to the freeway, just outside of Missoula, Montana. Fortunately, the campground is practically empty. We set up camp among tall ponderosa pines and bushes tucked away near a creek. It is the perfect respite from our long trip. Enjoying the solitude and beauty of our site, we decide to stay an extra day.

Who hasn’t heard or said themselves “I just don’t know what to say.” Or “I feel so helpless – there’s nothing I can do!!” Well there ARE things that you can do or say to help those in pain due to the death of a loved one. We can help, and not just in little ways, and it makes a tremendous difference to those we see in pain. Here are a few points to consider when you are trying to help someone who is grieving:

Many of us, especially those on the spiritual path, tend to look at anger as an entirely negative emotion. However, anger used mindfully can be extremely positive, powerful and ultimately healing. Anger is simply energy, and we always have a choice as to what to do with it. Dzogchen Ponlop, in his recent book Rebel Buddha (2010) aptly states:r

Once again, the month of May presented personal challenges. Memorial Day brings with it my own personal day of remembrance – the anniversary of my daughter’s car crash and death. This May marks three years. Each year, as the date has approached, I have tried to convince myself that it would be just another day, no worse than any other – and every year I am wrong.r

Unique personalized sympathy gifts express timely thoughtfulness to a bereaved person. They become treasured mementos of the life of a loved one who has passed on. There are a number of ways to personalize a gift. You can incorporate a photo, have an item engraved, or use a particularly meaningful item to the griever. Engraved Items

1). It is important to recognize that trauma and the resulting grief can result from war crimes, torture, terrorist activity, kidnapping, family violence, assault, sexual abuse, child deaths and other sudden or violent deaths. Other events and circumstances, while not commonly categorized as trauma-such as the diagnosis of a life-threatening illness, or the loss of a body part, can also trigger the same responses generally associated with trauma. 2). It is also necessary to

This article is a response to a question posted on Intent.com, "How do We Help the Helpless?" Since I work with homeless families in a homeless shelter everyday, this question raised strong emotions for me. The word "helpless" hit me right between the eyes. Why?n nI don't know if it is our Judeo-Christian heritage that makes us want to "save" people or what it is, but I would really like to challenge this idea of one person "saving" another person who is viewed as totally "he

In my younger days I thought I could control change. I learned, and not quickly I would add, that no one can control or stop change anymore than one can hold back the tides or halt the autumn leaves transforming from green to gold. This brings me to today's topic of change and how to understand it and accept its daily invitation. First, change is inevitable. Think of those individuals you know who, despite painful adversity, have been able to go on even after their world changed and fell down around them. These individuals accept - sometimes hourly - the inescapable reality of change.

When I hear the clients in my psychotherapy and grief counseling practice talk in black and white terms, or view their options in terms of extremes, I am reminded of the Buddhist concept of the Middle Way. When the Buddha was asked how one should meditate, he responded "not too tight, not too loose." He analogized this to a string instrument, like a lute: If the strings of the lute are too tight, they will break, and if the strings of the lute are too loose, they won't play.

We all want to be happy! Mad can sound harsh, but in actuality, feeling upset, in a bad mood, or depression all have roots in being mad. It is nothing to be ashamed of because actually it is normal, as we all have felt mad at one time or another. Most of us will experience a crisis or loss in our lifetime, and how we learn to deal with it, will determine our future happiness and success.

Thoughtful sympathy inspirational gifts combine spiritual support with encouragement in times of grief. They place an emphasis on celebrating the life of the deceased and challenge us to move on to honor our loved ones with courage and hope. In times of grief, it is important to balance support and comfort with hope and encouragement. What constitutes inspiration will vary with the individual and takes into consideration the person’s world view and value system.

When we have lost someone we love, our job, our health, our marriage, or our deepest relationship, we want to feel some compassion coming our way. We want to know that we are going to make it. Here are some ways for your body, your mind, and your spirit to meet every day with ...

Hope is defined in the American Heritage Dictionary as, “To wish for (something) with expectation.” This definition works for most of our life; we hope for, love, success family, travel and wonderful experiences. Hope when we are terminally ill is still hope, but the definition does change.

There is a tendency in our society to talk about healing loss, like it is a physical wound. It reduces loss to nothing more than an illness to be cured. Our objective is to heal it as quickly as possible and get back to normal. This approach has failed us in our understanding of loss and made us miss the real nature of loss. It has created a society that is reluctant to express loss and by doing so we heal and keep the loss inside of us, instead of letting it go.

When we have lost someone we love, our job, our health, our marriage, or our deepest relationship, we want to feel some compassion coming our way. We want to know that we are going to make it. Here are some ways for your body, your mind, and your spirit to meet every day with ...

Mother's Day carries a lot of emotional significance for most grievers. Whatever one's relationship with Mother, this person is our first connection here on the Earth plane. This connection may have lasted a lifetime or it may have ended on the day of birth with adoption, or any number other life circumstances.

Abstract In order to be an excellent coach one has to acquire valuable skills to provide the best service to the client. It is my purpose, with this paper, to introduce the concept of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) as an effective tool in coaching, for both the client and the coach. Many trainers, managers, and teachers use the principles of NLP to promote personal growth as it offers a framework which empowers the person to be the most he or she can be.

When one loses their spouse, a top life stressor, the level of stress experienced can feel extremely overwhelming to the griever. Modern life is filled with stress. And this stress occurs on many different levels. There are the daily stresses of life which are often ignored as trivial. These are things like getting stuck in traffic, noise pollution, lack of sleep, car problems. There can also be deeper causes of stress like excessive worrying, health conce s, fear of poverty, negative self talk, to name a few.

Let's talk about the four seasons of marriage: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Usually we think of marriage as a relationship with our partner but it can also be the state of marriage solely within us called "the inner marriage." The inner marriage is an intimate relationship with ourself. ...

Loss of those we love is our most painful reality. In Christopher Buckley's newest book, Losing Mum and Pup, we come to journey with him in the aftermath of both his parents dying within less than 11 months of one another. We come to understand, more deeply, the forever ache of that loss. The ...

Fear is big these days and, like wildfire, it spreads easily and quickly. Fear is a primal emotion; it triggers our reptilian (more primitive) brain to fight or flee. When the reptilian brain is engaged it overrides rationality. Therefore, whatever our fear is about - our safety, our ...

Many of us, especially those on the spiritual path, tend to look at anger as an entirely negative emotion. However, anger used mindfully can be extremely positive, powerful and ultimately healing. Anger is simply energy, and we always have a choice as to what to do with it. Dzogchen Ponlop, in his recent book Rebel Buddha (2010) aptly states:r

Among the misunderstandings people have concerning grief is that they think it is the reaction only to the death of a loved one. But we experience a sense of loss when something or someone that belonged to us and was of immense value has been taken from our lives, leaving in their place a void that we are sometimes unable to fill...not only to death. If you find yourself grieving over any the following transitions it is just natural and you need to pay attention to your feelings. Losses you may be experiencing: • Divorce or break-up.r • Loss of health.r • Loss of a job?r

When we experience loss we immediately turn to our friends and family, expecting them to be able to help us. All too often, we are left disappointed. Friends don’t know what to say and can find it difficult to be around us. They sometimes have no understanding of what we are going through. With family support, all too often there are other pre-existing issues underlying our relationships that can make it difficult to get the support we need.

Fear is big these days and, like wildfire, it spreads easily and quickly. Fear is a primal emotion; it triggers our reptilian (more primitive) brain to fight or flee. When the reptilian brain is engaged it overrides rationality. Therefore, whatever our fear is about - our safety, our ...

What can I do for someone who is grieving? Is there really anyway a "bystander" can help? Sometimes watching a person suffer the pain of loss is almost unbearable. Often in life it is easier to accept our own suffering that it is to accept the anguish of someone we deeply care about.

This week has been full of surprising passages -- Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and several others who are loved and revered by millions. Both those close to these individuals and people all around the world mourn. Flowers can help us in many ways to let go of grief and shift to feeling the free flow of love again. Lavender has a slightly different approach to helping ease our feelings of grief.rnIn this month's AARP magazine, there's an article about Irish Lee Underwood an

Loss throws us into a world of unknown emotions. Some of which we maybe had never experienced before. Understanding these emotions can be a key factor in transforming through loss. Yet it can be hard to accept some feelings. It requires us to be brutally honest with ourselves and acknowledge that there are no right or wrong emotions, there just are. If we do not acknowledge them they stay forever locked within us becoming a burden that limit our ability to truly live.

Your role has changed… no longer are you the care giver. Your loved one has died and things are now different. You may be feeling a whole host of emotions ranging from relief, to anger, to disbelief and sadness. You may be responding by questioning who you are now, and how you go on. Welcome to the grief process.rnThings are totally new and this major gear shift can be as overwhelming as the caregiver role you had. Your focus is different. Your routine has changed. A major

Baby Boomers are in for a shock!!! We may think that we are prepared for the sadness that will accompany our parents’ death. In fact we are usually totally unprepared for this life experience. To lose the people in your life that have always been there and know you the best is a life-altering event. I was sure that I understood the pain that would accompany the eventual death of my mother. Professionally I was a nurse and involved in palliative care and bereavement counselling so I was sure that I was prepared. I was wrong!!

I am a hospice social worker and grief therapist. Before I used Emotional Freedom Techniques I spent a lot of hours hoping I was making a difference providing grief support. It’s a proven fact that people who are grieving need to tell their stories so that they can process their grief, but this is slow work. And even though I am skilled in helping someone step through the wilde ess of grief, I often felt like I wasn’t really helping that much. When I started guiding clients to use EFT, all had remarkable releases and faster recovery.

The year before I turned 50, AARP began its membership campaign on me. Invitations. Information. Enticements. Good deals. An automatic community. One of the fall-outs of membership is their wonderful magazine, AARP. The July & August 2009 issue featured a story called “The Flower of Positive Thinking” by Lynne Schreiber. Iris Lee Underwood is a lavender farmer in Lakeville, Michigan, and she knows what it is to have a broken heart. Her daughter died of drug abuse and Unde

Hope is defined in the American Heritage Dictionary as, “To wish for (something) with expectation.” This definition works for most of our life; we hope for, love, success family, travel and wonderful experiences. Hope when we are terminally ill is still hope, but the definition does change.

Eager to fill our hungry bellies after a full day of hiking and soaking in the mineral hot springs, John and I sat waiting for our food to arrive. Observing my surroundings, I noticed a woman sitting with her husband text-messaging with her iPhone. The couple appeared to be on vacation. Next, I noticed a man sitting with his wife and two grown daughters. He was also text-messaging while waiting for dinner. At one point, I witnessed him holding his iPhone and text messaging with one hand, while holding his burrito and eating with the other!

Is your Psychic, Psychic? Everyone has “Intuitive” abilities, we are born with natural instinct. It’s common sense. Think of those who trade on the open market. These talented people have some sense of a feeling to sell or buy. Yes, the watch the market and stocks but they still go on instinct. More common than not if you truly have a conversation with most people they will tell you ” I just felt it, or knew it”. How? Natural intuition, Mother’s instinct? Yes.

Throughout my entire life, I have always enjoyed creative writing and public speaking. As a species, I believe that we write because we have a need to tell our stories and connect with people. During 2005-2006, I began writing my book, “Farewell, My Friend”, which chronicles the illness and death of my husband. I have always been an extremely organized person and used this skill to manage all aspects of my husband’s care. During his illness, many people approached me fr

Mother’s quilt provides a warmthr Beyond its fiber downr Each night I’m wrapped in love, Our family history, and my wedding gow Mother cut with care her patternsr Each scrap to trim and save. Just as she did with the numerous fabric remnantsr That to her others gave. Each patterned square reveals a storyr Of our family’s growth and change. It is far better than an album, for this memento speaks to mer Of many precious moments the camera did not see. Part of each marriage c

By Frosty Wooldridge During your journey on Earth, you face incredible moments of joy, challenge and discomfort. You never know where those “moments” may originate or for how long. In your life, you may face an accident, loss of a loved one, disintegration of a friendship or disease. A famous philosopher said, “Life is a spiritual boot camp. You will be tested. You must make good choices to thrive.” As a former hospital medical tech, I met a child named Paula in the cancer

Many of us recently saw when Brett Favre, quarterback for the Green Bay Packers, played one of the greatest games of his career the Monday night after his father passed away. On the heels of one of the greatest tragedies anyone could face, he responded by playing an incredible game and leading his team to victory. How does someone do that? For most of us, adversity is something that trips us up and sends us backward instead of pushing us forward to find the best in ourselves.

The holidays can be challenging enough with all of the busyness of the season, but if you’ve experienced a major loss such as the death of a loved one, this time of year can be extremely difficult. Family gatherings where your loved one is not present can leave a huge void. Past memories of times spent together can stir up sadness. You may even experience anxiety, depression and trouble sleeping. Further, you may feel the pressure to get into the spirit of the season even though your heart is not into it.

The workplace is like your second family to many people. Let’s face it, some people spend more time at work than with their immediate families!! After my mother died I don’t think that I was a very good employee. Of course, I couldn’t show it. You have to try to act like your old “normal” self. That in itself is exhausting.

No matter what degrees it is outside, spring is a marker in time. Every season has its message. We think of spring as the time to clean out closets, get rid of the old, to prepare for the new.

Grief is more than an emotion. Like love, it goes much deeper. Emotions are generally temporary and subject to change with surrounding circumstances. A child gets a good grade on a test. She is happy and proud (two emotions). Rain dampens a planned party. The hostess is disappointed and frustrated (two more). A friend reneges on a promise. I am angry and hurt (another couple). None of these emotions lasts very long. Each emotion can be replaced by another rather quickly, with merely a change of events. No so grief.

We simply cannot get enough love, especially summer love. Maybe it's because summer love feels friendlier when we are walking to the beach carrying a chair, a favorite book and an iPod to keep our own delicious thoughts company. Seriously, don't your olfactory sensibilities become completely engaged with fresh suntan lotion? The smell of Coppertone and I'm 13 all over again.

Do you ever wonder why things you try just do not work out? Or you have an idea, but never finish. Here is an answer. It starts with sounding like a tongue twister. Today I am going to share some secrets kept secret in the movie The Secret, based on the Law of Attraction. Guess what the secret is? If you guessed keeping your dreams a secret until they are ready to give birth you were right.

Recently, I found myself feeling anxious and depressed. For several days, I attempted to analyze why I was feeling this way and what I could do to feel better. I questioned, “Would it help to go back to therapy or to get a massage? Maybe I just need to write more.” Feeling uncomfortable, I wanted a quick fix. But, what I found was that the more I resisted how I was feeling, the worse I felt.

A woman was shopping when an adorable little statue caught her eye. It was fun, and she had to have it! Once at home, she examined the purchase more closely and realized it was a metaphor for her life. She had bought a “Woo” doll, and the attached tag read: “The Woo is a benevolent force reappearing to remind us that a POSITIVE attitude is essential and that anything IS possible. Make it happen!” In the game of life, this woman had been dealt cards from both sides of the deck. Today, she leads a fulfilling life overflowing with friends and family.

I suppose my mother had something to do with me loving animals. From the time I was five, she was bringing home creatures small enough to go undetected in our Brooklyn apartment: turtles, tortoises, and a half-moon parrot with whom I bonded so deeply that the memories of having to give him up (I had severe allergies) still fly at me like unwelcome shards of glass. I remember crying in the back seat of the car, my father double-parked with the engine running while my mother returned the bird to the pet shop.

Nothing in this world compares to finding out your pregnant. The miracle of life itself forming inside of you is enough to cause you pause. For nine months you are a special creation. Carrying around and growing a life inside you that will someday walk and talk is one of the most life changing moments. No matter what the circumstances, or how many children you have already, the loss of that dream, that life is heart wrenching. If your baby was stillborn or lived only a few da

Grief and loss recovery requires no method or order. It really depends on the individual, their social background or environment, their emotional strength at the time of their loved one’s passing and it also depends on how they died or what kind of grief. So here we have some sensible ideas of grief recovery which can help or support in some way to get you past some of the hurt and anguish and on your way into grief and loss recovery. 1. If ever you live all by yourself, tr

My mother died yesterday. She was 85 years old. A ruptured 6+ centimeter aortic aneurysm took her life subsequent to breaking a hip during a fall at her assisted living facility two days ago. I might also add that my mother suffered a stroke two and a half years ago, and was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease several years prior. Given her medical history and our knowledge of two aortic aneurysms, her passing still took us by surprise. My mother was an extraordinary woman. Sh

A friend of our family just lost her husband to cancer. She has several adult children who no doubt have been there for her. They helped with all the arrangements of the funeral, helped her sort through all the paper work that needed to be taken care of and kept her busy with family events. However, none of them live close enough to provide daily help. While she doesn’t need big meals brought to her, or help paying bills, she is very lonely. She doesn’t have little childr

Dating and Griefr By Sandy Clendenen About a year after my husband died I began feeling extremely restless. Grief kept my mind skittering from one thing to another. Although these restless feelings were confusing, they were at least a bit of a relief from the heaviness of grief’s deep sadness and depression. Somehow, from this agitated state of displaced energy, I decided to try internet dating. It took me awhile to figure out the mechanics, since I knew very little about computers at that time.

When you meet someone for the first time and get to know them, you're sending them some of your energy. That energy carries information about you. Sending it to them is your way of letting them know who you are. They receive it, absorb it, and send you some of their energy as well. This back and forth continues, forming an energetic connection between the two of you. Your relationship / friendship, etc, with that person takes place within this ever moving, ever changing conne

What Does Success Mean to You? By Ligia M. Houben, MA, CG-C, CT, CH, ACCPr Life Transitions Consultant and Coachr Certified Grief Counselor Professional Speaker-Author "Success is hard work disguised as good luck."rn-Julio C. Martínez A. When you hear the word "success" what comes to your mind? To be wealthy? To excel in your career? To have peace of mind?

“Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson There is a tendency when catastrophic events happen for us ...“Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Developing a comprehensive insurance program that will provide you and your family with a variety of benefit options is an important consideration for anyone. While single adults may not have the same need for life insurance coverage as those with a spouse or family, they do need to be able to protect themselves in the event of an accident or injury that keeps them from work. Finding life cover, funeral plan and income protection quotes from several companies will allow you t

Words of Sympathy People often stay away after something terrible has happened to a friend or loved one. They don’t stay away because they don’t care, but because they don’t think they can give any great words of comfort. We all know there are statements that flow from our mouths that should have never left it, words like “it will be okay” or “they are in a better place now” even “ it will get easier”. Yes, those are true, but in the aftermath of a tragedy t

The grief process can be compared to the transformative process of the butterfly. Grievers ofte find themselves stuck inside the safety of the cocoon of grief. There is a sense of feeling lost in the darkness of grief. There is a push-puss feeling that often occurs during grief. Grievers want to move beyond their grief, but often find themselves unable to move out of that dark but secure place that grief can become. The journey of the butterfly from the cocoon is not an easy task.

Every event in life is neutral, and it is you and your response which gives meaning to the event. So, when you ask God, or some higher power, "Why did this terrible event happen to me?" you are probably perceiving the "event" as a negative one. When you lose a loved one to death or have a child facing seemingly insurmountable challenges, it is very difficult to step back, be objective, and see the ultimate good that may result from the situation. Instead, the world feels as if it is crashing down without relief in sight.

(excerpts from the book Holiday Grief: How to Cope with Stress, Anxiety and Depression After a Loved One’s Death) Since I’ve been involved in helping grieving children for most of my career, it is very important to me to help you learn about the needs of young people when the holidays and significant events come around during the year. We may think that they don’t know what’s going on, but I’m here to tell you unequivocally, that they are very keenly aware of your suffering, your struggles both emotionally and perhaps financially, and your anxiety, stress and even depression.

"Grief is healing: To take away our grief is to take away our healing. And learning about life after death helps us heal with greater hope, comfort and peace." ~ Bob Olso In approximately five years of investigating the possibility of life after death, I have discovered convincing evidence that there really is an afterlife, that we really do continue to exist after death, and that our loved ones continue to watch over us and guide us in the spirit world. But this is just the

In life, we develop habits that shape the quality of life. These habits can be good or bad and may create behavioral patterns. How do we know which these habits are? We just need to take a look into our responses to situations regarding our relationships, transitions, goals, or life in general. Do we tend to repeat the same behavior over and over? Do we wonder why we tend to do the same thing even knowing it is not conducive to a positive outcome?

It is very essential to understand and realize that recognizing or admitting the grief promotes the healing process. Grief in itself is a natural and normal reaction or response to loss. It happens in response to the loss of something or a person most especially close to you. The Stages of Grief. It’s important to note that the stages of grief exist; nevertheless, they don’t represent any particular way to react or respond to loss. Instead, the stages of grief reveal a wi

Has it been weeks since the death of your loved one and you still feel sluggish with low energy levels? Are you hesitant in making decisions? Confused? Is hope draining out of you and all you think about is a bleak future? It is not unusual to suffer physical and emotional depletion when mou ing. Adapting to the loss of a loved one is always a major challenge and calls for a new awareness and the development of new routines without the presence of the beloved. We all must meet change by changing.

Fear is arguably the most common hidden emotion that mou ers delay confronting. The reason is obvious: no one wants to appear weak. Of course, that is inbred societal nonsense that we have all been subjected to since fear is an expected response whenever we feel threatened by circumstances that have to be faced.r

Three months after my brother died, I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen in about six weeks. When she asked how I was doing, I naturally assumed she was conce ed about how I was handling the grief. (This particular friend sent me a lovely condolence letter a few days after my brother’s death.) When I told her that I was “doing as well as could be expected, considering the circumstances” she looked confused. “What ‘circumstances’?” she asked. Feeling somewhat confused myself,

You never know what to believe on the Internet, but Scopes.com verified with a local newspaper that the events recounted below by Mrs. Joy Scrivener did indeed take place. Here is the true story that happened in mid-August 2006 to their family of five in San Antonio: This is one of the kindest things I've ever experienced. I have no way to know who sent it, but there is a beautiful soul working in the dead letter office of the US postal service. Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, di

Greetings! As we begin to become friends, you will notice that I'm very frank with my language because I want you to heal and not go around the same emotional mountain for many years needlessly the way I had. The reason for that is so that you will learn from my experience since I didn't have others to speak into my life at the time. So I thought the very first thing we should discuss is the question most people say when something tragic happens...WHY????

You tell yourself to hold your tongue, to buck up, and keep your eyes on the prize. But you can’t, not like this. Why, of all people did it have to be you? You’re not too bad of a person, so as soon as you have silently told yourself not to; you start to cry. It’s unfair really, you have looked back, checked and rechecked the past and nothing you did deserves this. The pain is something you haven’t felt before, the tears have come and gone, and yet the emptiness it st

“Christ died for our sins in accordance with the scriptures, and that he was buried, nand that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the scriptures.” Corinthians 15: 3-4 Human ...

Several researchers state that suicide is depression left untreated. Suicide rates have diminished over the past decade many thanks to new treatments for depression. It ranks 11th as the leading cause of death, and suicide is a very serious subject to deal with and talk about. There are 500,000 unsuccessful suicide attempts every year serious enough to justify or call for a visit to the emergency room. Each and every completed suicide is a successful attempt. There are severa

You can reduce unnecessary suffering when grieving by limiting the time you either knowingly or unknowingly isolate yourself. Self-imposed isolation is a common response to the death of a loved one. Although some alone time is necessary during all grief work, the bereaved all too often withdraw ...

Has Your Pain Turned into Anguish and Despair? Today, I want to talk about something that is very painful and deep inside some of us. Something that eats at you and gnaws away at your very being. It seems like it never gets better, but only worse. What I am talking about is our pain, but not just any pain. I am talking about that pain that is so intense that it has turned into anguish. Anguish of the soul, mind, and even your body. All you can do is cry out to God amongst you

Soon after my husband’s death, I felt myself descending deeper and deeper into a dark, lethargic place. My body felt sluggish. My mind felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls. I ate little, but seemed to be gaining weight.nnI decided to visit my naturopathic doctor. She reminded me that I was beginning my transition through menopause. Somehow I had forgotten that my body was moving into this new phase of life.nnThe doctor’s conclusion was that the menopausal symptoms w

Pain, whether emotional or physical, is a condition of existence. No matter what your station in life, you are bound to confront relationship separations, work conflicts, medical difficulties, or the death of a loved one. No one escapes these circumstances of life and the pain they ...

Meaning affects everything we do; and equally important it affects the body and its physiology as attested to by the many examples of body-mind relationships, such as the placebo effect. Finding meaning in death is not always easy, and sometimes it is hard to find. However, the search for ...

Grieving is a process that starts at different points for different people after encountering a tragedy. Some start straight away while others lay dormant in shock until the reality of the situation hits home. Either way there is a large part of grieving that is unexpected and unexplained. It’s the bits that you have to deal with long after the tragedy has taken place. The mental and emotional damage, the suppressed fears, distortions of the mind, all of these things are th

Do you feel stuck in your grief? Has it been months since your loved one died and you feel you should be feeling better? Do others close to the deceased seem to be adapting more quickly than you? Has the pain gotten worse? These are questions with very individual answers. They may or may not indicate outside assistance is necessary.

Coping with stress related to bereavement in a positive way does not just happen easily and naturally. Bereavement due to death, loss of a job, loss of a relationship or any loss that severely changes our everyday world is happening more frequently as we face recession and other life difficulties... The important thing is how we handle it. My first tip for how to cope with stress after bereavement is that you MUST expect to feel signs of stress and you must not think it abnor

Every year over one million children in the United States under the age of seventeen are involved in their parents’ divorce. Separation and divorce can be emotionally overwhelming, painfully challenging, and distressfully traumatic. How parents, extended family members, helpful family ...

In 2009, I opened up my business as a grief and relationship coach and started to write and self-publish books. Unfortunately, no one had ever heard of me or was aware of my services, and there didn’t appear to be any reason why others would consider me an authority or an expert on these subjects. This is a common issue encountered by most entrepreneurs when starting a new business. And, to be successful, it is an important one to address and then overcome. As with anything worthwhile, it is not an ove ight process.

Having worked with many mediums over a 15 year career within the metaphysical readings industry. I have collected together many pieces of information which explain the science behind what happens to us when we die. Before we die our spirit guides prepare for our deaths months or weeks in advance. They know ahead of time when a spirit is about to pass over. When we are on the path to death our vibration becomes much lower, if you can think of our energy centres and chakras as

As stated in my book Letters To My Son, my son was diagnosed with an incurable malignant brain tumor in February of 1986 and although receiving a miracle healing in Mexico he ultimately died of related cancers on December 1st 1987. When we were in Mexico, I had with me a very special rosary ...

Balance is a state of equilibrium for which we each strive, not just in relationships but in all aspects of our life. Envision yourself with your feet planted on a narrow plank atop an oversized ball. With your arms spread out and your legs flexed to spring into action, you attempt to keep your balance. Perhaps, for a few moments at a time, you actually are perfectly still and in balance. The rest of the time, however, you expend a lot of energy wavering back and forth trying to rebalance.

Believe in New Beginnings.... When we face a difficult transition or a loss we may think our life is over....that we don't have any hope, or that we don't have options. My purpose in life is to help people embrace hope and make them believe in new beginnings. Because...this is possible. I have gone through so many losses in my life when I thought my life was over...and I found resources inside myself to keep on going and believe there was a tomorrow.r

Grief echoes a painfully vibrating voice which can be heard from generation to generation. It tells us that there is an absence of life in a world of breath and being. It tells us, as we sink deeper into the chair of sorrow, that our lives will never be the same. The sound of emotional pain and physical discomfort is sometimes silent words which ask. What are we to do when “words are not enough?” where do we turn for help, hope and comfort? Women who have unresolved grief are

Dating and Griefr By Sandy Clendenen About a year after my husband died I began feeling extremely restless. Grief kept my mind skittering from one thing to another. Although these restless feelings were confusing, they were at least a bit of a relief from the heaviness of grief’s deep sadness and depression. Somehow, from this agitated state of displaced energy, I decided to try internet dating. It took me awhile to figure out the mechanics, since I knew very little about computers at that time.

During grief you may find your mood swinging back and forth between guilt and anger. Or you may feel depression and anxiety shifting quickly inside. These mood swings can cause you to feel stuck and confused about your grief.nnYou may find yourself directing anger at yourself or at your deceased loved one or perhaps another person. You may feel guilty about things said or left unsaid.nnAnxiety and depression can keep your stress level high during grief. It may be difficult to

The relationship with our pet is one of the most important relationships in our lives. Our pets provide us with love, comfort, joy, and companionship throughout their lives. It is only fitting that we mourn them when they pass on. Grieving the loss of a pet is a healthy way for each of us to work through the emotions that are associated with the relationship. Expressing the emotions is a hehttp://www.selfgrowth.com/node/682646/edit?destination=admin%2Fcontent%2Farticles%3Fpub

This article is about a brand new book called "Success is a State of Mind" (available at www.mymeaningfullife.com") and it is a compilation of interviews of people who have made a difference in the lives of others. Each person has a unique way of interpreting success....and we have all the ...

I had the opportunity to work with the practices of mindfulness meditation after my beloved cat and soul companio Lily died. After experiencing Lily’s death, I had a fleeting urge to go unconscious – sleep, eat, drink wine, whatever. As a grief counselor and mindfulness meditation ...

If you have lost a loved one, or if someone you know is grieving, you might find yourself wondering ‘What are these five stages of grief I keep hearing about?’ and how they relate to you. Let me explain a little more about the five stages. nnAuthor Elisabeth Kübler-Ross – a much respected grief expert who was also one of the pioneers of hospice in the US – wrote the definitive book on this subject, On Death and Dying, over thirty years ago. When people discuss the st

Is the anger over the way your loved one was treated by the medical community eating you up? Or, are you angry at those who should have helped you in the last days of your loved one’s life, but were nowhere to be found? How can you reduce the intensity of your anger and then let it go? There are ...

Lack of Sleep or Interrupted Sleep nYou lie awake for hours and are not able to fall asleep OR you wake up regularly during the night. Maybe you wake up in the early hours of the morning and are not able to go back to sleep. This leaves you feeling tired and listless for the rest of the day. n Restlessness nYou find it difficult to calm your mind from the ongoing turmoil that you are going through and are not able to “switch off”. n Tearfulness nYou might find yourself wa

The trauma resulting from my near death, passing of my mother-in-law, mother, father, and unborn son was a real strain on our marriage. Michael and I had married just 6 months before the losses began, and I felt robbed of a normal honeymoon period. Making matters worse was our drastically differing coping styles: I was openly a wreck while he did not express as much angst. This difficulty was compounded by the fact that I was in more anguish than he was. Michael, unfortunatel

When faced with grief we often ask, “When will I begin to feel better? When will I return to normal? When will I be able to breathe again? When will I achieve some closure?” The idea of closure in our culture is one of tidy endings, a sense of completion. The reason we long for closure, of course, is because we would like to be rid of this pain. We would like to shut out the sad, confused, desperate, angry feelings from our lives, putting all of this pain behind us so that we can feel joy again.r

Your tears have not yet dried. You haven't had time to experience your deep feelings about your loved one's suicide. In many ways, you're still in shock. Nevertheless, death, like anything else, has its own practicalities that must be accomplished. You, your family members and your loved one's friends need closure for the loss and grief they're feeling. nnAs if being a suicide survivor isn't enough, you must also deal with your loved one's funeral or memorial service, burial

Unavoidable suffering is a condition of existence, a part of the mystery that shrouds every life. It is usually the result of broken attachments to those we love or the loss of something cherished. It cannot be prevented because death and perpetual change are uncontrollable givens of living. On ...

Most people are concerned regarding the destiny or fate of their departed loved one. Oftentimes, fear and apprehension arise regarding what will happen after death and what might happen to our dear loved ones. Is he safe---or is she happy at last? Will we ever see or meet or be with each other all over again—if ever? So how could those inspiring funeral poems help or support in bringing peace of mind and heart after a sudden loss or death of persons close to our hearts? Mak

“What you resist persists” is an old psychological saying that is especially applicable to anyone when mou ing the death of a loved one. In other words, trying to repress feelings, “be strong” or pretend you are doing well when you are not, will guarantee that pain will spill out in unexpected ...

They are everywhere you go--at work, in the family, among friends, at the church and synagogue. They are difficult, annoying, irritating people. You want to avoid them, but no matter where you go, thee they are. The fact is, they are playing their part PERFECTLY by allowing you to figure out ...

You have lost someone very dear. Your heart is aching. In fact, it may feel like your heart is breaking. These painful emotional feelings often manifest as the physical sensation of tightness and heaviness in the area of your heart. Your shoulders may also ache. They may pull forward as if attempting to protect your tender heart.nnThese are normal feelings experienced by many who grieve. While they are normal feelings, they do not need to persist for lengthy periods of time.n

It all started out as a birthday gift for my wife, Bobbie.nnI bought her a beautiful, painted, concrete bear. It looked so real, and it was the size of a real bear. She loved it. I placed the bear in the center of a circular-shaped flower bed I had landscaped near our house. Then I added a miniature wooden windmill next to it. Then it looked so cool that we decided to plant roses around it. And last, but not least, I painted a big rock that was already there with the words â€

Every year, since l996, women who have lost their mothers gather to honor their Mother’s memory and to support each other through the difficult Mother’s Day weekend. When your Mom is dead there is nothing like Mother’s Day to remind you of just how much you have lost and how painful that loss is.n nIn l994 Hope Edelman’s book, Motherless Daughters the Legacy of Loss, came out and created an international storm. Women from all over the world, who had experienced early

In my work with grieving children and adolescents, it is important for me to keep in mind that the child’s age and stage of development at the time of the loved one’s death will strongly influence the ways in which the child reacts and adapts to the loss. An understanding of the child’s ...

Society is a continuous cycle, our pavements peopled by all age groups. From babies to the elderly, we are all moving through that ever-changing kaleidoscope called life. But, as we grow older, our mindsets change. In youth we understand that people die, but that is something so far off in the future, we need not worry about it. As we climb the generational ladder, we are so busy chasing that elusive career goal, we have not the time nor desire to focus on what is looming eve

Is there life after death? As one who has experienced the searing loss of a loved one, I have many times pondered about what happens when one dies. Questions I’ve asked include: does a soul go to “heaven” or somewhere else; can we still communicate with a person who has died, even though his/her physical body is gone; and are we being looked after by the souls (or angels) of our lost friend or family member?

Grief and loss can manifest in many different ways. Your world is different now. You may not be sure what to do next. You may feel very hesitant and unsure of yourself and your ability to make decisions. These feelings may lead to figeting and restlessness. You may have difficulty sleeping as a result.nnThese are normal responses to grief. But while they may be normal they do not need to be permanent. First step is becoming aware of these feelings. Often the impact of grief b

An Open Letter: With the AIG debacle looming, and bank bail-outs sending cortisol racing through the system of most Americans, the whole issue of loss and disappointment is ‘up’ in pretty big ways. The truth of the matter, however, was brought home this past week with the sudden death of Natasha Richardson. There is no bigger loss than the death of someone we love. A second runner-up is when someone we love loses someone they love.rn rnThis is the plight of Vanessa Redgra

Irishman Walking is about my walking the coastal roads of Japan through a series of summer, winter, spring, and autumn stages. Stage 2 began in the city of Noshiro, Akita Prefecture in the winter of 2009, and ended in Tsuruoka City, Yamagata four weeks later in January 2010. Last summer (2012), Stage 8 started at Shibushi Port in Kagoshima Prefecture on the southern island of Kyushu, and ended in the city of Fukuoka six weeks after setting off. Then in winter Stage 9 started

Grief is a universal and common reaction to the lost of a love one. Losing a parent, spouse, friend, child or pet can be devastating. In current times more and more bereaved individuals and families are utilizing spiritual mediumship via a medium as an effective way to help their grief and come to a better understanding of the passing of their loved ones. According to a recent USA Today/CNN/Gallup Poll, almost 70 millio Americans believe that it is possible to communicate wit

An Australian Y-Genner graduate, Alex Haigh, recently coined the term “Phubbing.” I guarantee that even if you don’t yet know what it means, you’re all ready phed-up with it! Phubbing is the anti-social act of someone having their face glued to a smartphone rather than the person they are supposedly with. In other words, something 99.9% of us are guilty of doing: snubbing our loved ones for something more interesting on social media via our phones.

A miscarriage or a death of an infant is very sad. And though receiving condolences and support is so significant to the grieving process, most of the time it is difficult to know what not to say at all. Oftentimes, these worries keep people from supporting friends and reaching out to our loved ones who are experiencing this loss. This article is written to help you in supporting a grieving parent. First and foremost, what really helps: 1.) Listen—grieving parents need to t

Reducing grief to the shortest period of time.nnThis NEW description of grief is created to cause the possibility of change, in the shortest time, perhaps within 30 days.nnGrief is:n An Initial Sensitizing Event (the death event or a prior death event)n The continuance of Ruminating Conversations, without endn Angern Fearn Not feeling safennEmotions of Anguish, Despair, Anger and Fear placed in our learning, without human language, while transitioning into sleep.nnRegardless

Sympathy words, comforting and personalized, make your expressions of support to the bereaved meaningful and supportive. In a situation of bereavement, it is important to have more to say than worn out clichés. Now you can choose from a variety of sympathy quotes, phrases and other ideas to convey your message of condolence. Sympathy words are critical to an overall comforting presence in the grief experience.

A SISTER’S FAREWELLrn(When Last We Said Goodbye) “You hugged and held me close, and then looked deeply into my face. I remember that look in your eyes, Sis…” I finally fell asleep last nightr With that image before my face, The depth of the look you gave me thenr Eclipsed all of Man as a race. It spoke first of your great joy For the beautiful day we had shared; The laughter and fun and wonderful foodr To which nothing on earth compared. It spoke of the love carried deep withinr A sister’s heart for her brother; And shone with a glow from a radiant facer

The Suicide of a Loved One How to resolve the feelings of guilt and regretr If only I had made more of an effort to engage my brother Henry more at our family Thanksgiving get-together. If only I had called him more often. If only I could have understood what was going on in his tortured mind. IF ONLY, IF ONLY! Regrets about things that I could no longer change echoed through my mind.

After the loss of a spouse – whether from death or divorce – dating and remarriage may be considered. However, this time around, it is not just about you! Your children will play a very big role in the next partner you choose. The adaptability of your children will also determine if the relationship will be able to survive the stress of a blended family. To increase your odds of a successful remarriage, bear in mind the following guidelines.

Planning a funeral and coping with the emotional time surrounding this event can be very stressful. Quite often after all the arrangements have been made and the services are over, the family is often left with only a vague memory of the friends and family members who gathered. Creating a unique Memorial Guest Book is a wonderful way that guests can view and share.nnUnlike a register or traditional name-filled guestbook, you can present a unique funeral or memorial guest book

Helen Keller has said that “the only way to get to the other side is to go through the door.” This is certainly true in the work of transforming grief into healing and growth. This process involves allowing ourselves to feel the intense emotions of grief – sadness, ...

In our modern day society, distractions are everywhere, vying for our attention, keeping us from what is truly important and our higher purpose. Lately, I have felt more and more overwhelmed by the amount of e-mail that comes through my in-box on a daily basis. By attending to all of this ...In our modern day society, distractions are everywhere, vying for our attention, keeping us from what is truly important and our higher purpose. Lately, I have felt more and more overwhelmed by the amount of e-mail that comes through my in-box on a daily basis.

Dealing with anticipatory grief is tough to deal with, may it be after death or before, it is acceptable that there’s no topic more difficult to deal with than grieving. And this is where the beauty of friendship comes. More than sharing all those happy and fun times, all those sharing secrets and stories, the true test of friendship can arise during those difficult times when we cope with grief, particularly with anticipatory grief. Of course, we all want to help and be th

On the day my son died Dec.1st 1987, something shifted in my soul, something deep inside my being got rewired. As a newly bereaved parent you anticipate that the affects and symptoms of shock will eventually wear off as reality arm wrestles for control of our conscious thought. Shock ...

HELP FOR THE RECENTLY WIDOWEDnTAKE CONTROL OF YOUR FINANCIAL LIFEnnI realize that you feel your life is out of control. You are depressed and angry. You have difficulty making decisions. Your energy level is low. You are on an emotional roller coaster, crying one minute and laughing the next. What you are experiencing is natural and more important, is temporary. You will regain control. Your depression and anger will abate. Your ability to make decisions will return. Your ene

The words to the song “it’s the most wonderful time of the year” don’t ring true for everyone. If you’ve recently suffered the loss of a loved one, the holidays can bring sadness and dread to an otherwise cheerful season. n As a funeral service veteran, I’ve ...

Have you ever experienced grief so unyielding and persistent that there seem to be no end? The most familiar feeling mourners experience is being unable to find the confidence to face change, not enough dependable information to help cope with their loss and more importantly, not able to find a caring and understanding support group. These emotions may not be unusual for some grievers. There is a logical reason for this--before, educating people about how to deal with loss is

This acronym has recently made news headlines and is increasingly gracing the landing pages of popular psychology and health sites. It’s continually bandied about on daytime TV and teens seem to Tweet it more often than the @ sign. But what does FOMO really mean? I don’t mean literally. We’ve got that covered: FOMO is a term coined to describe the Fear of Missing Out in relation to what one sees (or perceives) others are doing, particularly via social networks, or the nagging sensation that there is something happening somewhere that you are not a part of.

Most of us are born into a family group. As children we accept our family culture as the way a family is supposed to be. We have no source of reference, so developmentally what we experience in the family is what we assume the whole world experiences. If a child lives with alcoholic parents or parents who suffer from depression or uncontrolled rage, that is the norm. If a child is born into a family where a parent is not emotionally available to them that is their norm. And if a child had a loving parent that anticipated their every need that would be their norm.

Are you someone who has experienced loss? Do you find yourself grieving alone or suppressing your feelings altogether? If so, you may be afraid of burdening friends and family with your grief. Or, perhaps you feel like no one understands what you are going through, so you hide your deepest thoughts and feelings of loss.

Dear God, I am in Boston helping to care for my mother who is very ill in the hospital. Some days she is so negative that I feel beside myself. When this negativity is intense, it feels like I cringe to the core of my Being. My sister feels herself going into a black hole, and all of her energy gets sucked out of her when my mother is so miserable. I don't know how to respond to my mother at times like these. Especially if it goes on for hours. I have told her to ask You fo

Grieving Through the Holiday Season

DEALING WITH THE STRESS OF GRIEF How you respond to the stress associated with grief (see my previous article entitled “Grief and Stress”) is directly related to how well you are able to identify your stressors and respond to them in a healthy manner. In this article I will identify seven strategies that we can use to help minimize the impact of stress on our lives during the period of grief.

If you were given the choice between diving freely into the darkest depths of the ocean fully equipped with all of the proper gear you would need to handle anything you might encounter OR being slowly dragged down by an eighty pound anchor that is chained to your legs while you frantically tread water trying to keep your head above water, which would you choose?

The mind likes to push us from black to white, from either to or, from positive to negative.nnWhen we remember events or people, we tend to sort the memories into categories. We see life as either good or bad. We say this is a good memory and that is a bad memory.nnThe mind seems to be trying to simplify things for us, but what really is happening is a fragmentation of memory and of life.nnSome people or events in our memory become part of the list of positive memories. Some

On April 17, 2007, one day after the Virginia Tech massacre of 32 students by another student, the Washington Post published an article entitled “Survivors of Shootings Grieve in Stages.” The author quotes an "educator" who counseled Columbine survivor families as describing specific, time-limited stages to occur in a particular order. The educator explained that in the first stage “the body shuts down in shock for seven days. It is a piercing grief; you stumble through what

It’s Okay to Crynn“Give sorrow words, the grief that does not speak knits up the o’er wrought heart and bids it break.” Shakespeare A grieving infant, child or adolescent needs help establishing appropriate expressions and outlets for grief. What is grief to one child or adolescent may not be ...

Pleasure is the flower that passes; remembrance, the lasting perfume. ~Jean de Boufflers

Grief through the eyes of kids By: Yvonne Butler Clark, M.A. How do we talk to kids about grief? Our kids today are bombarded with loss and separation. The death of parent, sibling, or friend, separation from a parent in the military, grandparent parenting, foster care and/or incarceration. ...

In life we encounter many transitions. Some of them involve losses and therefore grief. But….what is grief? It is the expression of our suffering when someone or something dear to us is no longer at our side. So what happens to us? Is it normal to grieve? For how long? Although I would ...

A loved one’s demise is a very painful experience. An obituary or death notice is one significant way of honoring his or her life. The word “obituary” generally applies to the notice in a newspaper announcing a person’s demise. When the time comes in writing obituaries, it won’t be an easy task. There is a dissimilarity between a death notice and an obituary. Since deaths take place so often, there are usually some staff writers at the newspaper who are committed on

Has someone you trust told you a secret about your deceased loved one that has added immeasurably to your grief? Where you going through his/her papers and found some information about the past that has stunned you? Has evidence of physical or emotional infidelity turned up upon reading old ...

Letting Go and Moving On After experiencing a major loss, it is sometimes difficult to move on with your life. Before you can look ahead to a brighter future, you need to learn to let go of your painful past. The loss can involve a break up with someone you care deeply about, a job loss, the death of a pet, or the death of a loved one. Whatever you do, don’t give up on the idea that the future can be hopeful.r

Spring was in the air and so was hope. My mother-in-law had been turning darker shades of yellow since December. Now there was reason to believe she would improve: doctors were going to operate. We knew it was a long-shot, but nonetheless, we were hoping to keep our dear friend, mother, and wife if only for a little longer. With the scheduled surgery approaching, family and friends pulled together in prayer and fasting for this great woman of faith. Of course, my husband and

Are you in a state of confusion? Have you made the decision that you will get through this loss? Are you confronting your loss and fears? If not, why not? Peace of mind is the ultimate goal of good grief so that one can begin the work of reinvesting in a life in the absence of the physical ...

Those mou ing the death of a loved one are often told to find closure, let go of the deceased loved one, and go on with their lives. For most, this admonition is tantamount to saying forget about the person. In truth, no one ever forgets the beloved and never wants to since our memories and our ...

Can anyone truly define love? I’m not sure because love is so deep a feeling, experienced in a variety of ways, that it makes it extremely difficult to assign words to this elusive emotion. Consequently, love is sometimes better addressed with actions rather than with words. Love can also present itself in disguise and, therefore, not be recognizable at first glance. For example, telling someone the truth is a form of love, even though it may sting a bit in its delivery.

You experienced a horrible loss. The grief has nearly destroyed you. Although you are aware grief has no schedule or timetable, you are a year into your extended mourning session and want it to stop. In fact, you have become nearly paralyzed with sadness and know this can’t go on. What can you do to lift the miasma of sorrow that is threatening to annihilate you? Consider dealing with grief through meditation. What meditation does When an individual meditates, he relaxes th

There IS light at the end of the tunnel! Feel like you are suffocating in the darkness of your pain? Don’t think there’s any hope? When you are in the midst of despair, I want you to know there IS light at the end of your tunnel. You may not think so right now, but it’s there. Many have found it. I found it. Actually, to be honest, God was the light at the end of my tunnel. Through all of my dark, despairing days, when I didn’t think I could cry another tear, God help

After my husband’s death I spent a great deal of time focused on remembering. At first the focus was confined to the day he died. My mind would check to see if all the details were included in my memories.nnAs relatives gathered, the memory loop expanded. The remembrance became denser as others shared their particular memories.nnThen we each shared the stories he had shared with us. The richness of my husband’s life became increasingly expansive.nnAs the days and weeks pa

Losing a spouse is a devastating experience. Our friend, our partner, our soul mate is now gone and we are lost. It feels as if a part of us has died as well. In my practice, helping individuals deal with the loss of their partner was a common occurrence. Young or old, surviving spouses had an equally difficult time adjusting to this reality. Older couples had usually talked about losing one another and had some inkling of how this would affect them. Younger individuals were

Dear God, I am trying to integrate Heavenletter, #697, What Does Sadness Teach You? It is so good, and I know I am in the verge of understanding it, but not quite getting it. I like the orchestra analogy and only hearing the low notes sometimes when the whole orchestra is playing. My question is: When I am only hearing the low notes, how do I open my ears and heart to the high notes? I mou the death of my three-year old Molly and know my way through sadness. I know that I wi

GRIEF AND STRESS People who are grieving will experience a wide range of emotions. Anxiety caused by the stress of grief sometimes comes as an unexpected event. People are prepared to feel sadness, but anxiety seems a little more foreign. In order to help validate this very real experience and emotion, I will list seven causes that commonly create stress and anxiety during the grief period.

You visit your sick co-worker in the hospital or at home and he looks terrible. He's not sounding like himself and he's sharing way too much personal information. Then, you happen to see a pamphlet on the nightstand about a scary illness that you were not aware that he has. To top it off, some of his family are there in the room and are bickering. When you head back to the office that afternoon, everyone wants to know how he's doing. What do you say? Here's something to think

Grief is a strange emotion. It is a pain that bores down to our souls when a spouse or child, mother or father, sibling or friend is taken from our life. It is a storm of tears and anger, a string of unanswered questions. It is what remains after funeral and memorial services, when we are ...

One of the most difficult phases in any life transition is the space of the unknown between a loss or change, and healing or new beginning. All life changes, even positive ones, entail a sense of loss or grief. For example, there is a sense of loss in giving up addictive behaviors like cigarette smoking, despite the fact that the change is a positive one. Even the change of getting a better job or promotion entails loss -- you might be giving up security, relationships and the comfort of the known in making such a change.

Thoughts and beliefs—both of which are choices you make—are the underpinnings of the attitude you take toward loss. They are the major factors in how you will cope with your loss and to what extent you will experience additional and unnecessary suffering. Regrettably, many of us have been ...

How do you survive Valentine's Day when your special valentine is no longer around? 1) If you are feeling sad or depressed, be honest about it. In the past this may have been a special day for you and n your loved one. But now you are alone. If you are sad, n be being ...

The different stages of grief recovery are never easy, and it’s entirely up to the person how long it takes someone to be on the grieving process. There are different essentials when it comes to grief recovery, and it’s a must to help you to be on your way to recover. Bear in mind that tears and crying are simply part of the bereavement process, so give yourself permission to cry all you want. You can find a safe and solitary place like your room if you need to unload you

Valentine’s Day -- a double edged day that reflects the natural duality of this planet. While it can be a wonderful day for lovers to renew their commitment to each other, the single community usually dreads the onslaught of the media hype that surrounds the day. Let’s take a hard look at Valentine’s Day and its true meaning.

Happy Holidays,Ting-ting-a-ling. Everywhere I go I hear the happy, happy, happy sounds of the holidays. Wait, I am a widow. I am experiencing grief, loss, misery. What's so jolly about being left alone at this time after a good marriage ? Left alone to manage the memories, to live through the 6 weeks of happy, happy family time. Children out of the home, decorations in the storage shed. Decorations collected over 25 years. The handmade ornaments, the stockings, the cookie cu

In the current economic climate, if you’re an entrepreneur or simply a business person, you have probably been urged to start networking and using social media in order to enhance the success of your business. If you are nervous about commencing these types of activities, be assured that they are nothing to fear. If you can carry on a conversation or write a few intelligible sentences, you can quickly become an expert and become a networking king or queen!

In this article I will be discussing a myth which most people can readily recall from early childhood, "Replace the loss and go on with your life." As young children we may have had a cherished stuffed animal or other special treasure. We may also have been fortunate enough to have a pet. The ...

Aya-Whatta? Was probably what you’d have said a few years ago when reading this, but this previously mysterious Amazonian plant medicine known as Ayahuasca has, in the past few years, hit the mainstream hard. Until pretty recently, this off-beat beverage seemed appealing only to a few brave anthropologists, psychedelic explorers such as the McKenna brothers, and a few pioneering individuals who, for whatever reason, fumbled and stumbled their way into the path of a Shaman in the jungles of Peru, Brazil or Equador. But not anymore.

During difficult economic times, there is a tendency to have doubts and conce s about one’s future. Past disappointments and perceived failures can bring fears, doubts, and frustrations roaring to the surface to confuse and complicate our present situation. The seeds of joy, success, love, and abundance are found in R.E.S.P.E.C.T., and we must not let our past interfere with our present and future goals.

Have you wondered why your grief seems to be going on longer than you thought it would? It could be that you have some unfinished business with the deceased, or you have some anger you have buried and don’t want to deal with. However, one of the most common causes for prolonged grief is the ...

For my Aunt Helen Jantzen, at your Crossroads of Life and Death You Have ....... You have walked life’s road, lo, these many years together in body and heart; You have shared the dreams, the joys and the tears of two lives that now must part. You have been called to that test we are all called to take when a spirit you must release; You have been called to the shores of a mighty lake where that spirit will find it’s peace. You have reason to take the time to grieve and release your husband for life; You have reason to know that what you believer

Thanks to Facebook and other social media sites, when we’re feeling blue, we can get a much needed ego boost online. But, how healthy is it to seek exte al approval in this way? While it might momentarily lift our spirits, does it really give us what we need; self-esteem and a strong sense of self? And what happens when we don’t get the praise we’ve come to expect?

Grief is an integral part of life and living. Everyone grieves, although not everyone mou s. That is, not everyone goes public with their grief. They have been taught to keep it to themselves because it is much too personal. Consequently, silent or suppressed grief tends to perpetuate many ...

After a that time you buried your beloved husband, you will be called now as newly widowed. But faith will tell you that you would get through it. And here are the 8 things you have to bear in mind not to forget: 1. Do not forget to take good care of yourself-- wash your face, comb your hair, brush your teeth and while you’re at it, try painting your lips with a tint of rosy red. I know it may sounds so easy and like just a daily routine, but for a newly widowed like you, l

Dr. Weide has been a Licensed Psychologist and Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice in the Washington, D.C. area for twenty years. Dr. Weide is also a Certified Thanatologist (by the Association for Death Education and Counseling), specializing in grief, bereavement and trauma therapy. When I received the phone call that my 47-year old husband had died of a heart attack, I was pushed into a dimension of existence I had been unaware of so far. I was unable to e

Grief is a natural response to the loss of something valued. Myths are falsehoods parading as gospel truths. Combined they lead to much excessive emotional and physical pain when mou ing. If you mou according to myth it means you have adopted false beliefs about grief and how to cope with ...

I am currently enrolled in a 16 hour Hospice volunteer training program with the intent to serve as a Reiki and pet therapy volunteer. The first six hours of training consisted of five units covering the dying process, volunteer parameters, caregiver roles, special populations, and legal and organizational procedures.

Losing a child is one of life's biggest tragedies. All that promise, all those hopes, all those possibilities for a bright and successful future disappear in an instant. Whether you've lost a young child or a young adult child, the feeling of loss cuts deep. We are simply not programmed to deal with the death of a child. We accept the loss of parents and grandparents as inevitable. But losing a child, that's never something we expect to deal with. We bring children into the

When you lose your spouse life feels very disorganized. All relationships provide a sense of structure, whether you think of it that way or not. Much of grief is really about coping with the lack of structure which manifests in the sad, empty space of what had been a significant ...

Question: I am the eldest of 12 children and only survivor who did not perish the Australian fires. I feel the guilt being spared from working abroad. Despite my own problems here, being wiped out financially and facing homelessness, I realize the God I know does not care. I find myself disgusted and truly disappointed with Him. I tried to end my life only to awaken alive in a worse way. Why does he take the lives of precious people who doesn't want to die yet the ones who tr

Enduring a catastrophic personal injury can scar someone both emotionally and physically for life. Medical bills pile up, life as the victim knew it may be over, depression often sets in, and the fear that things will never be good again can be an all consuming fear. It can also put a strain on family members and relationships as these people watch a loved one going through a personal hell.nnOftentimes just as the coping and the overcoming process has started, the legal proce

Honoring Life on Our Own Time Recently I was in a Life Coaching session with one of my clients who told me a very touching, heartfelt story. She had gotten off early from work one day last week, so before she headed home to let her nanny off and to happily see her girls, she headed over to Trader Joe’s to get some of her kids’ favorite foods. The grocery list included Mac N Cheese, quesadilla ingredients, as well as those green vegetables she continuously attempts to get her

Breaking up with your lover, partner or spouse is a major event in your life. The consequences are not much different than losing a loved one through death. A relationship breakup is a death of sorts, the death of possibilities, a future together and plans that were spun around during your better days together. Feelings of loss, sadness and grief are common to the experience. What you go through is a period of mou ing and bereavement over the death of possibilities. The “Us”

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Ken Matthies, retired Canadian Forces Northern Ranger. I’m also John’s youngest brother, come down from the Yukon Territory to love, honor and pay tribute to him in my own special way at his passing. I have a story about John to share with you today…and it begins like this… ************************************************************

I’m speaking to you today… IN REMEMBRANCE OF a man known as Private Cornelius Peter Buhler – or – (Buller)… a member of the Calgary Highlanders Regiment who was killed in actio July 25, 1944 during the Allied combat offensive in France.

Katherine glanced at the oversized banner promoting 25% off all men’s wear. “That’s one department I won’t need to shop in this season,” she thought. A suffocating feeling soon overwhelmed her. The holiday music seemed louder, the decorations larger, and the ...Katherine glanced at the oversized banner promoting 25% off all men’s wear. “That’s one department I won’t need to shop in this season,” she thought. A suffocating feeling soon overwhelmed her.

Dealing with the holidays while you are grieving for a loved one can be stressful and emotionally exhausting. For most of us the holiday season magnifies the absence of the person lost. You may feel that long-held traditions can never be the same or could be awkward. It can be sad shopping for gifts and seeing something that you know a departed loved one would have really enjoyed. Preparing yourself emotionally for the holidays and evaluating what they mean to you, plus developing a coping strategy before the holiday season can help. Here are a few tips for developing a plan:

Dealing With Marriage Separation Pain: How To Cope With Separation From Your Husband Today, I felt inspired to write about loneliness. Loneliness is a truly difficult emotion to deal with; it can arise unexpectedly and hit you really hard, slowly creep up on you and linger for months or years if not addressed. Loneliness, and the fear of being alone, is so powerful that it can keep people locked up in unhappy marriages for decades. Frequently, my clients share a list of negat

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller How could anyone think it possible to find ‘golden moments’ in a loved one’s long term dying? There are many among you out there in the world that are grieving from the loss of a family member or close friend who faced a long term dying. You probably felt like a piece of you was dying right along with them over the many long months or years before their end finally came, and your grief for their loss finally broke loose to become a living reality within you.

STAGES OF GRIEF HEALING Article Series “HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller Welcome back to the ninth in a series of ten special articles of homespun real-life talk about your grieving process. Today I’d like to talk to you about ‘Knowing The Truth In Your Own Heart’, and how this knowledge can positively affect perceptions about your own healing.

Loss, grief and death are a normal process that happen to us during our lifetime. As we face the reality of life, we go through many types of grief that are unavoidable. It's unreal to think that we cannot suffer any loss in our lives. Being prepared for is the hardest part. Sadness is the response to any type of loss common to man. Unrecognized situations in our lives have often resulted in grief that we are not ready to face. We see grief as distraction in our lives rather

THE STAGES OF GRIEF HEALING Article Series “HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller Welcome back to the second in a series of ten special articles of homespun real-life talk about the grief still gripping your life – and the things you can do to step out from under its shadows.

One of the saddest days of my life was the day that my father ended his struggle with cancer. Initially there was the relief that he would no longer suffer, followed by the acceptance that there was no other answer for him, they had done all that they could, and his life cycle was complete. But what was shocking to me was the complete sadness and grief that I felt when reality set in. Logically I could accept that his life was over, but I was surprised by the truth and rawnes

My wedding anniversary is June 3. The first couple of anniversaries after my husband’s death were extremely difficult. There seemed no helpful way to get through this day. I would even start feeling sad and uncomfortable several days prior.nnDuring the fifth year, my old dog began having health problems. She was 13. She looked really good for her age, but I had to acknowledge that 13 was on the older end of the life spectrum for Black Labs.nnI was in the process of starting

STAGES OF GRIEF HEALING Article Series “HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller Welcome back to the sixth in a series of ten special articles of homespun real-life talk, about what has by now become the issue of healing while you grieve, as opposed to continuing to experience the ravages of outright grief. This will be the first of a three part series within these articles dealing with different aspects of reconnecting to your loved one.

"Who do you need us to beat up?" one teen asked another. It was a type of field day at the high school, and there was a small group of youth gathered around a friend in tears. "Yeah, we'll take care of it," another one agreed. The tears continued, silently, while the grieving girl held onto her friend's sleeve. I had been looking for one of the students in the group, who had not returned to her assigned spot after lunch, and found them in their current state. They had filled

"Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes light" Jean Giraudoux Searching for the right words to shed light after the tragedy in Tucson, I remembered a book I wrote after the Columbine Shootings, titled Another Parent For Love a book on answers for ending school violence. This week I’ve selected parts of the book to share with you, in hopes that it may shed some light.

I have joined the club, no one wants to join. Widow...I am a widow. Sometimes on official forms there is no check box...married, separated, divorced...what am I? No check box for me. Two years ago, my husband of more than 20 years died as a result of surgical error. Yeah, the nightmare of dropping him off for same day outpatient surgery and burying him four days later. A self employed psychologist widowed at 54. I desperately clung to the notion that life would go on, that a

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller How often during the course of your grieving days and months has something like this happened to you and helped you in your healing just by its happening?

“Art Heals: The Power of Art Therapy”nnDuring a girls’ group at a community mental health agency, a teenager paints tear drops on a plaster mask- after she recently witnessed a violent crime in her neighborhood. nnOn a pediatric oncology unit, a 10 year-old Spanish-speaking boy draws a picture of his brain and with a large black marker draws a large circle where his tumor is located.nnAt home, a recently widowed woman builds a shadowbox with pictures and keepsakes from

Oh……. we’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz …Those words and melody always bring back to mind one of my favorite movies in the whole world. Maybe it was gathering around the television with mismatched Tupperware bowls of popco and a cold bottle of Coke ...

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller ‘A Mother’s Gratitude’ tells you a brief story of the grieving process from a mother’s perspective – and serves as an example of acceptance and hope for all of you readers looking for the affirmation that there are others out there like you who are also grieving the pain of separation from their child.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller This was a poem written in still dreaded anticipation of the third anniversary of her death due to arrive once again on the following day. It would in fact turn out to be a landmark day in my healing process as I finally allowed myself to remember and experience its full effects on me for the very first time, in order to finally be able to give outlet to those deep feelings of grief still trapped within me. Anniversary Memories

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller Every single death that occurs brings loss, grief and bereavement to someone who loved or cared for that individual, and its significance never can or should be discounted in its impact and meaning to those suffering and finding healing from its effects.

Is it a job or a new location or even perhaps a better or new relationship that you seek? Maybe even something different you want to try or do. Most of us get settled in our routines, stuck in the rut so to say. It is hard or maybe even uncomfortable to try to change our lives or even to re-create ourselves. But really what is worse; staying in the same old routine or trying something different? If we stay in the same routine, relationship, job, what have you, I promise you nothing will ever change.

I can still remember the call that told me my younger brother was dead. It was from my grandmother. Funnily enough I’d been contemplating that my grandparents were getting old and that I needed to prepare myself for their death. I never expected that I would receive a call from them to tell me that my brother had crashed his car into a lamp post on the way home from a concert and was killed immediately. He was 17 – I was 22.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller On a recent visit to the beauty of Southeast Alaska I was privileged to encounter an Elder of the Tlingit peoples who live there. He had recently lost his wife after many years of an illness which led eventually to her passing.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller When I walked into the funeral parlor prior to my daughter’s funeral for a private family viewing time, the powerful music and words of Vince Gill’s song “Go Rest High on that Mountain” was playing on the speakers. The poignant words and haunting beauty of this song drove me into a pew at the time, curled up and covered in pain and tears with the harsh reality of her death before me.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller In today’s world of rapid change on all fronts the integrity of family units has not been exempt from the effects of those changes. This has resulted in ever greater numbers of broken relationships, divorces and separations – and thereby new children, partners and spouses being added to the mixed equations of their family lives.

Losing a parent is something we all have to face at some point in our lives. At a young age this is particularly difficult, so we rely on adults to show us how to grieve. Sadly, most adults are poor models of the grieving process as a whole. When we lose a parent in our adult years we are facing a changing of the guard so to speak. The older generation is leaving which leaves us without a buffer to our own eventual demise. We may have just lost our last surviving parent, or

STAGES OF GRIEF HEALING Article Series “HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real-Life Storyteller Welcome back to the eighth in a series of ten special articles of homespun real-life talk about your grieving process. Today’s topic of ‘Hearing Their Words Of Joy’ is the third of a three part series within these articles, which began with the article called ‘Talking To Your Lost Loved One’, and dealing with different aspects of reconnecting to our loved ones.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller This was my poem of decision – written in the realization that it was finally time for the ‘rubber to hit the road’ of my future life in a meaningful way despite the fact that I was still a healing dad. I knew I was on a journey of healing but felt the compelling force of these questions within me of…”where do I go from here, and how do I get there?” I needed to know their answers.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller “This little light of mine…I’m gonna let it shine…” So go the words of a Sunday school song of ancient memory as I sit down to write this story – and in them I’m finding a source of solace and strength as I continue walking my healing path more than five years after a daughter’s loss.

Since grief is a difficult topic for most people, there is a tendency to descend into myths about the subject of grief. These myths have often been passed down from generation to generation. These myths or paradigms easily become the truth of our lives that we accept without questioning. In ...

Facing Suicide Loss at the Holidays Serious loss of any type is always re-triggered during the holidays. The holidays themselves are a kind of tribal celebration, thought to have originated in the hope that a celebration would help with the darker, shorter days. We are more confident and energetic in the lighter, hotter weather. A Survivor of Suicide may not yet be recovered and stable when the holidays come. Some people may not yet know of the death. the Survivor has to "sta

Several times over the past few years I began to keep a gratitude journal. I bought a special notebook and pen and kept them by my bed. I wrote for a few days. Then I would forget for a day. Then I would stop completely.nnLast year I made a commitment to myself to write in my journal for 21 days. I have read that it takes about 3 weeks to form a new habit or to break an unwanted habit.nnThe 21 days passed months ago. I still write every night before going to sleep. A few time

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller One thing that seems certain about healing from grief as time passes is that it’s a process of change for those of us living in it. How the earthquakes of pain we feel in the early anniversary days of our grief evolve over time is a perfect example of that process of change.

I have talked with countless people who have felt a relief when their loved one died. Relief their loved one was no longer in pain, relief that they didn’t have to visit that nursing home anymore and all it entailed, relief that their loved one is “in a better place.” However, the partner to ...

nChildren are often the unintended victims of life crisis. Parents don’t always think how their decisions will affect the children in their family before making them. If a marriage has become irreparable each may be focusing on their feelings only. The parents may forget that they, NOT the children, are the ones with feeling of hate and hurt. Too often an angry parent tries to inflict pain on the other spouse by using the children in a cruel game. nnIf a loved one dies, the

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller In the early days of grief amid the numbness and shock of loss the thought of memorial symbols is not yet a part of your grieving or healing process. But there comes a point in the days following where suddenly it seems that’s all you can think about, and a drive to remember the one you’ve lost compels you to do something of lasting value to honor them and maintain your heart link to them.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller This was a poem written in trembling anticipation of the second anniversary of her death due to arrive in its full force and fury the following day – a harsh truth about anniversaries every grieving parent will know to be true. Realityrn(A Daughter’s Death) It’s been two years since my daughter’s deathr And my heart still feels empty and tight! I know and accept all the reasons she diedr And still – it just doesn’t feel right!

There will come a time in your life that you might be given the chance or opportunity to help or comfort somebody who has lost a loved one or even a beloved pet, work through their grief and loss. Treat the person who is experiencing grief and loss as you would also want to be treated if you were in their situation. Some individuals react and cope to loss in some different ways: some might break down and cry, some may become too withdrawn or some may fall into a deep state of

STAGES OF GRIEF HEALING Article Series “HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller Welcome back to the fifth in a series of ten special articles of homespun real-life talk about the issues surrounding grief. Today we’re going to talk about how to find the ‘Light’ of Love and Memories of your lost loved one again, and how you can use this Light to begin to completely change your experience of grief.

“HeartSpun Talk from the Crucible of Experience”© From the life of Ken Matthies - Author, Poet, Real Life Storyteller How often in the midst of your loss, grief and bereavement have you found yourself feeling as though you were about to drown in sorrow, not knowing what direction to reach out to in order to find the safety of something to hang on to and not go completely under from the pain of it all?

So far in this series of articles on the Myths of Grief we have discussed the following myths: 1) It just takes time. 2) Keep your grieving to yourself. 3) Put on a happy face. You'll feel better. 4) Be strong. Others are depending on you. We have explored how each of these ...

Grief is a personal experience, unique to each mourner and unique to each loss. Grief comes in waves, as times of peace and calm are suddenly shattered by overpowering emotion. The following strategies provide a few suggestions to help you ride out the waves as you cope with your grief.nn1. Take time out. In many ways, the experience of grief is similar to recovery from a serious illness; some days will be darker, and some will be brighter. Recognize your limits, and separate