Browse Grief and Loss

Loyalty is essential for genuine family solidarity. But blind loyalty leads to family dysfunction. A loyal family member is faithful to the family's traditions and honors its obligations. A loyal family member is emotionally present with support and encouragement during success or duress. These unwavering devotions are admirable and observable: just look at how a loyal family member helps another member during an illness, a financial crisis, the breakup of a marriage, death. I admire family loyalty; I believe in it. However, I do not believe in blind family loyalty. Here's why.

If you are dating or planning to marry a widow or widower, here are some suggestions and thoughts to consider. LEARN ALL ABOUT GRIEF Do some research about grief, read books and talk to others in similar situations. Know what to expect on anniversaries, birthdays and other days that were special to your new partner and his/her late spouse. Being aware and understanding about another person's feelings allows you to be gracious and sensitive to your new partner. TALKING ABOUT A LATE SPOUSE: SHOULD YOU ASK QUESTIONS?r

Have you been on a plane and heard the flight attendant tell you to put on your oxygen mask first? The immediate response is, "No way, I need to take care of my kids (husband, mother, best friend, stranger in the seat next to me...). The idea clashes with our instinct. What does it really mean? Simply put: If you don't put your mask on first, you won't be there for all those other people when they need you. You will be unconscious. The same applies to caregivers.

Is it a bit unusual to have a conversation with a deceased loved one? Do many people do this? And are there any benefits to such action? What will my friends think if they find out? These questions are not uncommon in the thoughts of those mou ing the death of a loved one. These questions are the result of a scientifically oriented culture.

Have you ever had an experience where you said, "Wow, what a coincidence." Maybe it was more. Maybe it was a synchronicity. Let me explain through a Jungian perspective. Carl Jung, the prominent Swiss psychiatrist, believed synchronicity meant 'more than a coincidence.' Jung, the thinker and founder of analytical psychology, connected synchronicities to the bigger world: the collective unconscious.

When you lose someone you love and are grieving, Thanksgiving Day feels burdensome and painful. When a brain tumor took away our precious Katie’s life I dreaded that holiday. For seven years we served no rutabagas because they were Katie’s favorite vegetable. The thought of their seasonal aroma wafting through our home without her in it was too much to bear.

What do you say to someone whose life comes crashing down around them; whose life, as they knew it, is forever and profoundly changed? The first thing to really recognize is that when someone experiences the death of a loved one, the loss is so pervasive, the pain so excruciating, that there are no words that will be particularly helpful or meaningful to hear. You see, grieving is a wholly feeling experience. The intellectual recognition that someone has died is present insid

Caregivers and family members often ask whether they should tell a loved one with Alzheimer's Disease or other dementia about a death in the family, and how they can help them grieve. Although much has been written about the profound grief of caregivers and other family members throughout the course of the successive losses associated with dementia, surprisingly little has been written about bereavement in the dementia patient.r

Peer pressure is not isolated to one age group, everyone needs to belong or feel connected to his or her own age group. Kids and adults are partnered to peer pressure. Teens like adults are influenced by their peer group. This is normal behavior and is modeled for teenagers by the adults around ...

There is a powerful vital life force energy that resides within each of us. Like a raging river, this vital energy needs a channel to flow and be fully expressed. When we allow it to move through us for example with our writing, artwork, or music…by expressing our passions, we allow the river of the divine to flow through us. When in the flow, we are in the present moment. Our spirits come alive; we feel at peace and can experience great joy and bliss.

It's August, let's talk about your child leaving for college. Yes, I know it brings up many feelings. One minute you're laughing with them at a Blue Light Special, the next minute you're dissolving into tears. The thing about being a parent is that when we finally master one stage of development with our kids, they catapult into the next. Leaving for college is a big transition for a family. For many parents it feels like a little death. In a way it is - death to the original family construct.

Loss causes us to ask the tough questions, “Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? It sends us on a journey of self exploration and discovery. It causes us to question the nature of reality. Who we thought we were is no longer. All that we knew to be true, all of our assumptions about life, are tossed into the air where they float in the void of the unknown, then re-organize and create a new picture…a picture of beauty, richness, color and texture.

I have worked on my grief for 10 years, 10 whole years. That loop of grief would get occasional relief, relief that would sometimes last a few weeks. Some of the edges were smoothed. There was hope that I would be whole again for a bit. I would fall back into that pit of grief every, single time for 10 years. I can’t even imagine the frustration my friends went through, trying to help me help myself with every, single modality that was available. I failed every time. I f

The intense and painful experiences of grief are generally considered "normal." However, when those experiences are extremely distressing, unduly interfere with day-to-day functioning or do not subside to a manageable level over time, the bereaved may be experiencing complicated or traumatic grief.

“It's the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary.” – Paulo Coelho Camping this summer, my husband, John, and I were reminded how freeing it is to live simply. We had only the bare necessities with us…food, water, our camping gear and clothes. Living in a simple environment, we were able to appreciate the small things and be more fully present in the moment. Consequently, we felt more joyful and at peace. For example, here is a brief journal entry I wrote after waking up to a gorgeous day in Ouray, Colorado:

Surrounded by royal blue water extending beyond the horizon in all directions, no land in sight, I gaze at the path of diamonds dancing on the ocean’s surface. The sun radiating on my skin feels like a warm cashmere sweater. It is August 19, 1998, and I am on my first ocean passage of a ...Surrounded by royal blue water extending beyond the horizon in all directions, no land in sight, I gaze at the path of diamonds dancing on the ocean’s surface. The sun radiating on my skin feels like a warm cashmere sweater.

If you find yourself feeling unmotivated, lacking energy for life, grumpy or irritable, you may be depressed. Depression is typically caused by suppressed anger, at the root of which is the feeling of powerlessness. When we give our power away, our creative life force energy becomes stifled and “depressed” and we are no longer in the flow of manifesting abundance. We are unable to be receptive to creative solutions and new possibilities. Imagine a dam, and how it blocks the flow of water. This is what happens to our energy when we suppress our anger.

The business world does not recognize mourning in the workplace very well. Once we bury our loved one, we are expected to go back to our jobs to continue, as if we were unchanged by their death. nnWe do not see widows wearing black clothing in the business world, and men certainly do not mourn in public. A universally accepted time allotment for mourning is not recognized. When is it enough? When is it too soon to stop? nnYet, there are some job cultures that do recognize a p

Many are mou ing the death of Elizabeth Edwards. I would like to share some thoughts of my own about why we are gripped by her life's story. I believe Elizabeth Edwards embodies two archetypes: the mother and the hero. I will focus on the hero archetype believing it is the more prominent. Just as Odysseus was asked to leave his routine life because something serious occurred, we also may be called to do something heroic.

The famous Swiss psychiatrist, Carl G. Jung, said what we deny, fear or don’t address consciously will visit us as fate. I agree and believe, too, if we don’t manifest our intentions, we will manifest our fears. Many people believe therapy is about resolving a crisis or healing a traumatic ...

Have you ever felt confused when speaking with someone? He or she might be smiling but you were uncomfortable by how they were acting? Well, it might be a passive-aggressive behavior you are experiencing. Passive-aggressive behavior is a manner of interacting with others in passive ways as, ...

When you open yourself up to love, you open yourself up to loss. When you suffer a loss, you will experience the painful emotion we call grief. It's a natural response to loss yet to the person going through this afflictive emotion, the experience feels overwhelming. I would like to help you understand that going through it means it is a process not an event and, depending on the personal connection you have to the loss, it is very individual.

Spring is wonderful season for planting the seeds of abundance. Flowers bloom in abundant colors, gardens yield fresh yummy vegetables and the sun shines for outdoor adventures with family and friends. Abundance truly is many things to many people. Have you ever seen someone do the money dance? You know, where they take their arms and swing them in circular motions, all while singing, “I am in the money, I am in the money.” The money dance makes you smile and resonates happy energy. Everything in life has the possibility of becoming a dance. The dance you choose is up to you.

Recovering from grief after a significant emotional loss is hard enough without the added pain when the death is the result of murder, suicide, or a disease such as AIDS. The feelings of being emotionally, mentally, or even socially isolated from the people and events around us,usually experienced by a griever, are compounded when the loved one dies at the hands of another, by her/his own hands, or from a socially stigmatized disease. Family and friends are often fearful of what others might think or say, or ashamed of the circumstances of the love one's death.

Some say we don't have anymore heroes but I say we do. Let's take a look at what a hero is and decide if you are one. A hero travels the hero's journey. That's when regular people such as you or me are asked to leave our routine life because something serious has occurred and we are asked to do something about it. We are "called to help." We are called to save our king, our country, our friend, or ourself. And because the task is arduous, we really don't want to accept it.

Holidays can be difficult for widows. Whether it is a birthday, anniversary, Thanksgiving or New Years, the memories of past holidays can keep widows stuck in the past and unable to move forward in their life. It can feel impossible to even consider participating in a holiday without one's spouse. Those shared traditions and memories from past years probably do not feel appropriate now. Sometimes widows feel guilty when they think about participating in special days without their spouse.

Grief is a mysterious creature. It lurks unnoticed in the dark corners of our hearts only to be un-leashed by the simplest of provocations…listening to a song, looking at a picture, watching a movie, a brief thought or memory flashes through our minds reminding us of our loss. All of a sudden, a torrent of tears wells up within and comes tumbling out, unannounced. In amazement, we wonder, “Where did that come from? I thought I was done grieving.” Just when we feel we have grieved all we can, there is still more.

At a distance we noticed a hawk flying. In the next moment, it headed straight towards us and circled over head. Smiling, I knew that Kyle was with us as we celebrated the 13-year anniversary of his death. We made a ritual of hiking to his tree, a small oak ling; we planted in his honor, a year after he passed. I hadn’t been there in three years, so was happy to see how the tree had filled out and was big enough to provide shade for me and my family, protecting us from the scorching sun.

Defining Soul Pain I am often asked to define soul pain. While it is not an easy thing to define, I have come to acknowledge that soul pain is the sum total of the physical, mental, emotional and social distress experienced following a tragic life event. And yet, it is more than that. It is more than the sum of the distress of these human aspects. Soul pain is a crisis of the human spirit. It is suffering of the deepest kind. It is a plague deep within. It is a wrestle with

There is something wonderfully reflective about a new year: it's another chance to get it right. At the beginning of each calendar year I separate my life into five important areas: physical, emotional, professional, familial and spiritual. I analyze honestly how I'm doing in each category - well, of course I do; it's my business! Today let me help you to analyze your life.

Let's talk about the four seasons of marriage: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Usually we think of marriage as a relationship with our partner but it can also be the state of marriage solely within us called "the inner marriage." The inner marriage is an intimate relationship with ourself. ...

It was 1992. Four years had lapsed since my daughter Katie's diagnosis of a brain tumor. She was now healthy and back working in New York City. Because my mate al stress levels were greatly relaxed, my professional dreams began to reemerge. It was time to think about making them come true.

No one can know the depth of despair to which a person may sink upon contemplation of suicide. Possibly, the black hole in which one finds him/herself gets deeper and darker as the days go by. Soon, even the smallest sliver of light is blocked from view. And then -- instead of being frightening -- the darkness becomes comforting and safe. It cradles and protects the person from all outside forces – from life and all the decisions to be made, both large and small. Ete al sleep and “supposed” freedom from worry beckon the suicide until he can no longer resist, and life is snuffed out.

While in the grieving process, it may feel as though hope has abandoned you. Depressed, you question your purpose for living. You ask, “Why did this happen? What is the point of it all?” You may have lost hope for living your dreams or don’t even know what they are anymore. Perhaps your loved one was an integral part of living the life you had always imagined. Uninspired, you go through the motions of your daily life without feeling truly alive. The following are helpful keys to re-awaken hope when you no longer feel jazzed about life.

Coping strategies for depression.. Even the most positive and pro active person can find it is very difficult to climb past the problems and feelings that come with suffering from depression. There are all sorts of things to think of. Not just how you feel, but how others see you and how it affects your normal every day life. A mother might find it very hard to do something as simple as changing a nappy or bathing their baby, things that before the illness took hold of them w

At one point or another, tragedy will affect our lives. At the time that it happens, you will think that the bad feeling will never go away, but there are certain things that can be done to help you move forward and resume your life. You need to acknowledge and accept that the unfortunate event has happened so you can move forward, otherwise you may hold on to that grief forever. Grief Comes In Stages There are certain stages of grief that come in a predictable sequence no ma

Guy Fawks night is the British equivalent of the 4th July—well almost. Fireworks certainly spill into the night skies above every town in the country. Held on the 5th November its usually a chilly night with spectators wrapped up in hats, scarves, gloves and coats, grateful for the raging bonfire that is typically the centerpiece of the night, as they huddle together, necks craning to Ahhhh and Oooooh at the pyrotechnic display of twinkling lights overhead. I remember one of these festive nights in particular.

Many who grieve find comfort and healing through the jou aling process. Writing truly does cause thinking. And thinking is the beginning of new awareness. And awareness is the beginning of transformation. When the love of your life is no longer physically present in your everyday like, there is definitely a huge empty space in your life. Often there is a great need to express yourself. Jou aling can really fill that need in a safe and secure way. Your journal can become your closest confidant. You may ask if jou aling is an isolating process.

I f you are going through a divorce or a romantic break-up you may be experiencing many emotions....from anger, fear, disappointment, hopelessness toward the future, sadness, to grief (this emotion sometimes is not recognized, but it can be real). In many cases divorce is not a devastating loss, on the contrary you may feel happy or relieved, but in most cases, all of a sudden finding oneself not being part of a couple hits us hard and sometimes we ask, • How was I wrong?r • What mistake did I make?r • Could I have done something different?r

In my younger days I was naive enough to think I could control change. I've learned, but not quickly enough, that no one can control or stop change. And, here is an interesting little fact: Charles Darwin believed that those who survive are the people who can adapt to ongoing change. They are not necessarily the most intelligent or even the strongest people, but they are the survivors. That thought of survival brings me to today's topic of change and how to understand it a little better.

Living from the heart, throwing logic and practicality to the wind, and following the voice of love and inspiration takes strength and courage. But, as we break free from the chains of reason to follow our soul’s callings, a universe of possibilities opens up to us. Unforeseen assistance guides us and supports us on our journey. As a result, our hearts open and expand in love and trust. Strength and courage build and soon we find ourselves living the life of our dreams!

For many people, family gatherings during the Happy Holidays aren't so happy. While most of us enjoy getting together at holidays, mixed feelings of love, anxiety and confusion often collide. But why in the world would family holidays cause conste ation or anxious feelings? Why would family be other than a supreme source of joy? Are not our families the portals in the storm and our safe refuge? Sadly, not always, and the reason is that some families just aren't safe and their communication style is often a big part of the problem.

Surrounded by royal blue water extending beyond the horizon in all directions, no land in sight, I gaze at the path of diamonds dancing on the ocean’s surface. The sun radiating on my skin feels like a warm cashmere sweater. It is August 19, 1998, and I am on my first ocean passage of a life-transforming journey, a journey leading to a more authentic and purposeful life.

After the death of someone we love our grief experience and overall healing has everything to do with our relationship to the deceased, the intensity and depth of the love we felt for them and our degree of faith in a hereafter. In the immediate aftermath of a person's death, it's hard to breathe and everything hurts. We feel shattered, bewildered and frightened. Sometimes, however, grief shows us its own timetable and can be delayed or complicated. I experienced a long delay in time sequence when my father died. I was thirteen years old; it was the springtime of my life.

Sobbing, I exclaimed, “I finally have my life back!” Sitting on a catamaran on a beach at Mission Bay in San Diego last week, my step-mom, sister, her boyfriend and I took time out to celebrate my brother, Kyle’s life on the anniversary of his death. He had been gone for twelve years now. We talked about what his life might be like if Cystic Fibrosis hadn’t ended it at the early age of fifteen. Would he be married? What type of work would he be doing? What type of person would he be?

Introduction At some point in life, each of us struggles in our attempt to make sense of the circumstances surrounding a difficult life experience. The catastrophic event may be situational, such as the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one to death, the loss of a body part, or the loss of the sense of self so deeply felt following victimization. The event may be developmental, such as is experienced as the nest empties, or with the recognition of changes to the physical bo

I don’t believe in coincidences. Whether part of some “divine plan” or a science deeper than we currently understand, I think everything happens for a reason. I see it as a philosophical version of Chaos Theory (http://www.imho.com/grae/chaos/chaos.htm); in my thinking, there is a pattern, a Koch’s Curve (http://mathworld.wolfram.com/KochSnowflake.html) to life. If we could just stand back far enough, we could see the pattern and the beauty. Unfortunately, we usually cannot get that perspective, and that is the problem.

On September 11, 2011, we remember the 10th anniversary of the day when nearly 3,000 victims were killed after two airliners were crashed into the Twin Towers in New York City, another plane hit the Pentagon and a final plane crashed into a field in rural Pennsylvania. This devastating number of causalities included fire fighters, police officers from NYC, the Port Authority, private emergency medical technicians and many paramedics who came to help.

Creating or strengthening our spirituality can have untold beneficial effects upon us after loss. By spirituality I do not mean religion. The two are very separate. Religion is based around organised belief by an outside body. Spirituality in contrast, is individual belief created by searching deep within one’s self.

Sitting at my father’s deathbed, watching every breath, wondering if it would be his last, my family and I were totally present and vigilant. We talked to my father as if he could hear us, attempting to comfort him, although we were really comforting ourselves. Already, he was in another world. His eyes were glazed over and his body was becoming rigid. With tears streaming down my face, I whispered to him, “I will always remember you every time I step onto a sailboat.”

Our roles in life define us. Parent, spouse, student, employee, sibling, and offspring are some examples. Our identity is shaped by these roles.

The darkness I refer to is the painful and life-draining wreckage left after the loss of someone or something that is deeply significant to us. The wreckage is all the "what ifs","I wish", "If only","I should have/shouldn't haves" that remains and keeps repeating itself over and over in our hearts and minds. It is every word,r

The grieving process is natural. Similar to the cycles of the seasons or the ebb and flood of the tides…it is not linear and straightforward, but it comes and goes. At times we may feel good about life…inspired, energized and in our passion. At others we may feel sad, fatigued and depressed. Each of these seasons requires something different from us.

Ever wonder about how to choose a therapist? Today I would like to share my thoughts on this important question. I believe a client can feel more understood when the therapist has clinical experience with the situation the client is bringing to therapy. And, if the therapist has the same personal experience, even better. This implies that the client knows what conce is bringing them into a therapist's office. But if the client doesn't know, an intuitive therapist can quickly assess and understand what is causing the pain in the client's life.

Be strong, time heals, move on, are phrases that we may hear when we suffer a loss and may hinder our grieving process. Because grief is the normal expression of a loss, but it is not easily recognized in society, we may internalize some of these messages which could interfere with our healing process because we learn to suppress our pain. This message of denying one’s pain may come, with the best intention, from a person with authority, such as a parent, a doctor, or even a religious leader. It is as though we are not allowed to grieve and we bury all those feelings inside of us.

Discouraged, I thought, “I wish I could afford to go to therapy.” The grief over my last miscarriage and my pet’s illnesses weighed heavy on me. Further, for the past nine years, I had experienced one early pregnancy loss after another. Tired of leaning on my husband and friends for support, I largely dealt with my grief on my own.

Cruising on I-90 form Washington back to Colorado, John and I are ready for rest after eight hours of driving. We stop at a campground with easy access to the freeway, just outside of Missoula, Montana. Fortunately, the campground is practically empty. We set up camp among tall ponderosa pines and bushes tucked away near a creek. It is the perfect respite from our long trip. Enjoying the solitude and beauty of our site, we decide to stay an extra day.

Time heals, they say. In my experience, time does not heal exactly, but it does help some scar tissue form. It helps the wound from being so excruciating and bloody. My daughter died in May of 2008. In the first weeks and months I clung desperately to time. I counted days, then weeks, finally months, grabbing at every advancement on the calendar with both fists, wanting time to take away the pain. And time, as is its nature, dragged inexorably forward.

“Discovering your Groove and creating a luscious life is all about allowing for Grace through your next transition.” - Shann Vander Leek

Recently, I joined a group of women to journal, meditate and share about our intentions for the New Year. It was suggested that we come up with one or two words to describe our deepest intention underlying all of our desired outcomes. The words that I chose were…“Joyful Creation.” More than anything, I desire to create from a deep place of joy. Inevitably areas of my life where I have not been creating from joy have quickly been revealed to me.

Where two rivers joined, I spotted a large dead Ponderosa pine which had fallen down a steep ravine on its side, half of its trunk submerged in the water. Carefully navigating my way down the ravine, I felt excited….This was the first day of my vacation and the tree was the perfect place for me to relax and meditate. As I lay down with my back fully supported by the trunk of the tree and my body soaking up the warmth of the sun, I dangled my feet in the water. The snow melt from the mountains was fresh and the water was freezing. I promptly removed them!

MIND THE GAP: LIVING IN THE SPACE BETWEEN LOSS AND HEALING One of the most difficult phases in any life transition is the space of the unknown between a loss or change, and healing or new beginning. All life changes, even positive ones, entail a sense of loss or grief. For example, there is a sense of loss in giving up addictive behaviors like cigarette smoking, despite the fact that the change is a positive one. Even the change of getting a better job or promotion entails loss -- you might be giving up security, relationships and the comfort of the known in making such a change.

Mary Jane Hurley Brant, M.S., CGP Author of When Every Day Matters: A Mother's Memoir on Love, Loss and Life The month of February focuses our attention on love. Cards are bought, candy is given, kisses abound. What is it about love? We simply cannot get enough of it. "I love you" and "I'm ...

“Crunch! Crunch! Crunch!” Absolute silence enveloped me except for the sound of my boots on the hard packed snow. I quickly shoved my gloved hands deep into my jacket pockets as I didn’t want my fingers to get frost bitten. With a scarf wrapped tightly around my neck, mouth and nose, and my wool hat on, I was fairly comfortable while walking my dog despite the frigid -8 degree temperature at ten in the morning.

Sympathy for the Younger Widowrn rnSometimes the unexpected happens. The young wife or husband loses their spouse before their life even had time to get started. This is one of those times where you must be extra careful of what you say. While you may have mixed feelings yourself, you should avoid making comments like “it’s good thing you didn’t have children” or “at least you didn’t spend your whole life together.” Saying these things can be so hurtful, and onl

Millions of people have lost their jobs in this economy so let's talk about managing the stress of a job search. Anyone who is in this situation, or loves someone who is, might consider these six suggestions…. Step One - Do not internalize a job loss or job search into your personal identity. Whether you are a new graduate or a semi-retired person whose 401K was cut in half this year, you are not in this situation because of your personal failure. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported in May, 2009 that 7.0 million people have been out of work since December 2007 in the US alone.

When you open yourself to love, you open yourself to loss. When you suffer the loss of someone you love, you experience the painful emotion we call grief because it's a natural response to loss. Yet, to the person going through this afflictive emotion, the experience feels overwhelming because death is a direct blow to our souls.

For many of us, Mother's Day stirs something deeply loving. For others, ambivalent feelings abide. You see, after thirty-three years in the counseling field and drying the tears off many faces, I can accurately say that not every woman feels she had, was or is the "good-enough mother."

While grief is a universal experience, the mou ing process varies from family to family and from culture to culture. What I am referring to as the mou ing process are the rituals that most of us grow up with about how to behave and how to speak when confronted with a loss. In essence, mou ing rituals can be referred to as habits or paradigms. These habits or rituals are usually not questioned.

My grandmom was a model for positive psychology and she taught me a valuable lesson: it’s easier catching bees with honey than with vinegar. I was given the name “Mary” because of her and her devotion to The Blessed Mother. My mother, father, brother, sister and I lived upstairs in her roomy old Victorian house until she died in 1957. She did not die alone - her ten living children surrounded her bedside praying the rosary. In my Catholic upbringing, Grandmom’s death was referred to as “a happy death” because she was in the state of grace when God took her back.

Living in the Bottom of a WellrnBy Sheri N Hall rnYou look up, you see a small circle of light- no it is not ‘Gods light’ but it is the way out. It is seemingly far away but closer than you think. It is very small; sometimes non-existent sometimes you cannot see it because you don’t want to look up. You look around you –at the hard stone walls that surround you, most would feel claustrophobic but not you, you revel in your small, dark enclosure. Here is where you can

TEENS AND GRIEF: A GUIDE FOR PARENTS Adolescence is one of the most difficult and chaotic stages in life, and is widely recognized as a particularly difficult time for dealing with the death of a parent or other loved one.

Cruising on I-90 form Washington back to Colorado, John and I are ready for rest after eight hours of driving. We stop at a campground with easy access to the freeway, just outside of Missoula, Montana. Fortunately, the campground is practically empty. We set up camp among tall ponderosa pines and bushes tucked away near a creek. It is the perfect respite from our long trip. Enjoying the solitude and beauty of our site, we decide to stay an extra day.

Who hasn’t heard or said themselves “I just don’t know what to say.” Or “I feel so helpless – there’s nothing I can do!!” Well there ARE things that you can do or say to help those in pain due to the death of a loved one. We can help, and not just in little ways, and it makes a tremendous difference to those we see in pain. Here are a few points to consider when you are trying to help someone who is grieving:

Many of us, especially those on the spiritual path, tend to look at anger as an entirely negative emotion. However, anger used mindfully can be extremely positive, powerful and ultimately healing. Anger is simply energy, and we always have a choice as to what to do with it. Dzogchen Ponlop, in his recent book Rebel Buddha (2010) aptly states:r

Once again, the month of May presented personal challenges. Memorial Day brings with it my own personal day of remembrance – the anniversary of my daughter’s car crash and death. This May marks three years. Each year, as the date has approached, I have tried to convince myself that it would be just another day, no worse than any other – and every year I am wrong.r

Unique personalized sympathy gifts express timely thoughtfulness to a bereaved person. They become treasured mementos of the life of a loved one who has passed on. There are a number of ways to personalize a gift. You can incorporate a photo, have an item engraved, or use a particularly meaningful item to the griever. Engraved Items

1). It is important to recognize that trauma and the resulting grief can result from war crimes, torture, terrorist activity, kidnapping, family violence, assault, sexual abuse, child deaths and other sudden or violent deaths. Other events and circumstances, while not commonly categorized as trauma-such as the diagnosis of a life-threatening illness, or the loss of a body part, can also trigger the same responses generally associated with trauma. 2). It is also necessary to

This article is a response to a question posted on Intent.com, "How do We Help the Helpless?" Since I work with homeless families in a homeless shelter everyday, this question raised strong emotions for me. The word "helpless" hit me right between the eyes. Why?n nI don't know if it is our Judeo-Christian heritage that makes us want to "save" people or what it is, but I would really like to challenge this idea of one person "saving" another person who is viewed as totally "he