Dating “Unavailable Others” is a Waste of Your Time: Learn Why and How to Avoid It

If you are presently on “the dating scene” wishing wholeheartedly to find a partner with whom to develop a serious relationship, don’t date those who are basically UNAVAILABLE. No matter what they promise you, and regardless of how much you think “this is the right person for me”, dating them is a waste of your time. The possibility that a serious relationship will materialize strives to zero.

Unavailable other means: he/she might be married, living far away, “married” to their work, just-recently-separated (and not emotionally available for a new relationship) and so on.

Therefore, if you are seriously wishing to have a satisfying intimacy and are interested in a committed relationship, be wary of those who are unavailable.

THE PRICE OF DATING A PERSON WHO IS UNAVAILABLE (Tina’s story)

Tina is an example of a woman who wished so much to have a relationship that she agreed to go out with someone who was unavailable:

First night Tina and Bob went to bed he told her he would like to “take it slowly”. Tina didn’t understand whether he meant the sex or the relationship. But what does it matter? Such a wonderful man wants to be with her, great! She ignored the fact that he was just recently separated after a 2 year relationship and that “the other woman” still wanted him back in her life.

After a short courting time during which Tina and Bob saw one another a few times during the week and spent much time in bed, he began to retreat and his sms or calls slowly diminished. Tina held on to him, telling herself she must understand him: after he’s in the process of separation which isn’t easy for him. But then, out of the blue, he just stopped calling her altogether and has never returned her calls or sms.

TINA’S STORY AS A TYPICAL EXAMPLE

Tina is not alone. Her story is typical of a person who desires a relationship so much, who is so afraid to be alone, who needs to have a partner “no matter what”, that she ignores all red-lights and goes out with a person who is actually unavailable.

DON’T MANIPULATE YOURSELF TO SEEING WHAT THERE ISN’T THERE

Your neediness to have a partner might blur your vision from seeing that someone who you date is actually unavailable. You might ignore all red-lights, manipulating yourself to believing that this person loves you very much, that you love him/her too. You might manipulate yourself into believing that although he is not totally available at the moment (so you tell yourself), he/she will become totally available for a serious relationship with you as soon as…(he/she separates, gets to know you better, finds a better job, and so on and so forth).

But dating these people is actually waste of your time. And manipulating yourself into not acknowledging this fact will come back to haunt and hurt you. It is better that you spend your time looking for and dating others who, just like you, wish to have a serious relationship and are available for one.