Dear Dr. Romance: he thinks I am neglecting him
Written by Tina B. Tessina
Dear Dr. Romance:
I have bee "dating" someone for a year to this day. We get along great and enjoy spending time together. He is very romantic. We are both full time teachers and students. We do work in separate schools. I enjoy sleeping over. However, recently I have decided that I need to finish my thesis if I am to graduate on time and I have also decided to lose the couple of pounds I have gained within the last year. I have been going to the gym and not spending the usual amount of time that I used to spend with him. I feel as though he thinks I am neglecting him. I know he has a lot of insecurity issues and I want to make him see that I do love him but I don't know how because when I do have time to see him he's either "busy" or doing other things. I really don't know what to do and need advice. I love him and don't want to lose him. Are there any things I can do to show him that I do care about spending time with him???
P.S. we took our relationship to the next level (meaning sex) and it seems as though he does not want to engage in that again. HELP!!!
Dear Reader:
It sounds like you changed the pattern of your relationship with him without telling him. Is that right? So now, suddenly, you're unavailable when you were available before? You two need to talk. If you've bee "dating" for a year, sleeping over (with no sex?) it's time to talk honestly about what both of you want. He may be assuming you don't care, so he's withdrawing to protect himself, or he may not see the relationship the way you do at all. When you two had sex it may not have taken the relationship to the next level for him. He also may be assuming you've withdrawn because you didn't like the sex. The only way to find out is to ask him. Read my articles "Asking for What You Want" and "Stop Reacting and Start Relating". How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free will help you communicate more successfully and show you what a healthy relationship is.
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Article author
About the Author
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. Califo
ia since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
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