Dear Dr. Romance: I discovered he crossdressed

Dear Dr. Romance:
When I was 20, I met a man of 37. For many reasons, including what I thought was love, moved in with him 3 weeks later. After getting engaged to my partner, I discovered he cross-dressed. I cried, but he said he did it cuz he was alone for so long before he met me. Flash forward to pregnancy, when I found DVD after DVD of pre-op trans porn. Imagine my horror. I've been separated from this man since my child was young, yet he still won't admit to his actions (despite my reading an online dating profile that states: "I love trannies! Looking for a c/d or t/v to worship...please note replies with naked pics given special consideration," put my home city, my birth year, his birth date and month, and his phone email. What gives? Unless he can be honest, I feel I can't forgive him. Not to be with, but to be around at least! Why won't he discuss this? What can I do to move on? I have physically (moved), but not emotionally or physically (sexually). Please help me. I wish this didn't hurt so much.

Dear Reader:

This is more common than you might think. Your friend has sexual identity confusion with resulting orientation confusion. This means he doesn't understand himself at all, and right now he's just coping, and doesn't want to deal with it. He's going to go through a crisis at some point.

You have to move on. This is a very good lesson in why you shouldn't make relationship commitments too quickly. You're right not to trust him, he is not capable of telling the truth right now. He probably is unwilling to tell the truth even to himself. His gender confusion makes him a bad possibility for any kind of healthy relationship. It usually takes years to sort out gender identity, and until he does that, he can't be a reliable partner.

You need to think deeply about your definition of relationships and to do that, therapy would be very helpful. "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" will help you find the counseling you need. "Surviving Loss and Thriving Again" and "How to Write a Love Letter" will help you grieve and move on. When you're ready to date again Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today will give you a more balanced picture of what relationships are about.

For low-cost phone counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com