Dear Dr. Romance: I grew up with a mother who said hateful things
Written by Tina B. Tessina
Dear Dr. Romance:
I really need your help. Could you please recommend one of your books for myself. I grew up in a home with a mother who was famous for saying hateful things that she didn't mean when she was mad. Lately I am doing the very same thing. I am newly married and I love my husband very much, but when I get mad or I don't get my own way I tell him I want out of the marriage and that I want a divorce. He is really getting tired of this and I am afraid that eventually I will lose him. Please can you help me.
Dear Reader:
Yes, the book that will be the most help to you is It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction You're right that this needs to be fixed now. It's not surprising that you revert to doing what your mother did. We all tend to repeat what we know, and the word "familiar" comes from family.You get scared when something happens, and you revert to old patterns. It Ends With You will show you how to recognize old family patterns, identify them, and then create better role models to follow. You can also use the following articles from my website, which will help you begin to change your behavior:"How Not to Fight", "Handling Anxiety Effectively", "Fair Fight Guidelines" and "Anger: Cleansing Squall or Hurricane?"
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Article author
About the Author
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. Califo
ia since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
Further reading
Further Reading
Article
A Look at Avoidant Attachment Styles and How They Work
The early development of avoidant attachment creates a coping mechanism that forms in childhood. Disconnected parent-child interactions typically trigger this condition. People who develop this attachment style learn to depend on their resources. They avoid deep emotional connections. People with this attachment style want intimacy, yet they remain afraid of becoming dependent on others. Understanding Avoidant Attachment Among the four primary attachment styles, avoidant atta
February 6, 2025
Article
Do You Really Understand The Swinger Life-Style?
So, you want to Play swinging? Do you like the idea of having sex with several attractive people, with no strings attached? Want the chance to explore your fantasies with like-minded people? Love having the intimacy and long-term commitment of your partner, but don't want to miss out on the opportunity for sexual exploration and variety? If this sounds like something you'd like to try, the increasingly popular lifestyle known as 'swinging' could be for you. What's so shocking
August 29, 2024
Article
The Advantages of a Web-Based Swinger Dating Service
Web-based swapping dating services can help you find a long-term swap relationship in the comfort of your home. These types of services can provide singles with information about like-minded people and help them get in touch with other couples. To use dating expertise, you need to register together. When registering to use the service, you need to provide more information as well as your contact information and interests. Maintaining your information conveniently will help yo
August 29, 2024
Article
Dr. Venus Nicolino: You Have To Make Yourself Available To Find Good Relationships
The idea of making yourself more desirable by making yourself less available doesn't make a lot of sense when you think about it. After all, Juliet would have plunged a premature dagger into the heart of her romance with Romeo if she hid in her room rather than go out on her balcony. The end of Sleepless in Seattle shifts from "awww" to "aw, no" if one of the two main characters skips the trip to the Empire State Building. As these examples from fiction show, making yourself
August 16, 2024