Dear Dr. Romance: I have strong feelings for my plastic surgeon
Written by Tina B. Tessina
Dear Dr. Romance:
I saw you on the web and thought I would ask you about my attraction to my plastic surgeon. I am almost 50, and have been having procedures done for 6 months now. He is my age and married with 2 school-age children and a younger wife. I have very strong feelings for him and NO, it is not transference. I have felt that before while in therapy and this is different.
He is very good looking and I was attracted to him immediately. He always kisses me on my cheek (lately it is getting closer to my lips) he told me I was an amazing woman. When I ask him in what way ... he said in every aspect from my personality to the way I heal to my great attitude on life. He likes my hair. He said I was wonderful when I told him I was attracted to him and I thought he was very good looking and found it difficult to keep my distance from him.
He took my hands in his one time (interlocked) and pulled me toward him and than back. I know he is not able to respond to me directly without risking losing his license. Is it my imagination or is he attracted to me maybe feeling something for me? Or, is he just being very nice. That is something else too. He told me I was so nice and it was rare in his buisness to have a patient like me and he appreciated it very much. I want him and know I can't be with him. How do I deal with it? I really feel the need to tell him my feelings before I can let them go. I will be finished soon with my surgeries and won't see him for 3 months then 6 months and finally 1 year. Any advice ?
Dear Reader:
You're not going to like this answer. If you really need plastic surgery, find another doctor. What are you thinking? He's a married man, and he's making money off you -- that's why he kisses your cheek. You're living in a fantasy world, and it's very unhealthy for you. Run, do not walk, back to therapy. Please read "True Beauty: Honor the God or Goddess In You""Where is Love?" and "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" You deserve to have a happy life, and these articles will point you in the right direction. The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty will help you re-evaluate and refocus to create a happier life.
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Article author
About the Author
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. Califo
ia since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
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