Dear Dr. Romance: I'm really confused about a guy
Written by Tina Tessina - Dr. Romance
Dear Dr. Romance:
I'm really confused about a guy I know online from a social site, he's ten years older tha I am. We've been in contact for several months. We now live in different countries. Recently, our chatting got intense and he told me that he likes me. We planned to meet up in another country. But he was suddenly never online and never contacted me even by email. I was really devastated.
Later, he was back online and he said that he had to go back to his home country to visit his parents because his father is unwell, he said he was sorry about not contacting me. We went back to chatting, but lately he's chatting less. I'm really scared actually to lose him. I don't really know what to do now, could you please tell me? Even if I have to be done with this :( please help me to solve this.
Dear Reader:
I'm sorry to tell you that this guy is definitely lying, and I doubt he has any intention of actually
meeting you. I think your guy may be in prison. Lots of prisoners are on online dating sites, but their contact is restricted by prison rules, and that's what his excuses sound like. Keep in mind that everything he told you is probably a lie – he's doing it like a hobby, to fill up time. It's easy for a con artist to tell you what you want to hear, because he doesn't have to tell the truth. I hope you haven't sent him any money. Prisoners often get women to fall in love with them, then ask for money.
Please let him go, and change your focus to finding a real relationship with a real man who lives close to you. If you meet someone online, make sure he's someone you can see face to face as soon as possible. You must check out people you meet online to make sure they're who you think they are. This is even true about men you meet in person. If you don't know him, or know other people who know him, then you need to be very cautious.
"Where is Love" and "The Fine Art of Squirrel Hunting" will help you understand how to find a real boyfriend, instead of a pretend one. "How to Avoid Loving a Jerk" shows you how to tell the good guys from the bad guys. Please stop pretending you can create a relationship with someone in another country by just chatting online. You need to be in person, face to face with each other to have a relationship.
The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again can help you all the way through the dating process.
For low-cost counseling, find me at LoveForever.com
Article author
About the Author
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. Califo
ia since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.
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