Dear Dr. Romance: Is Facebook romance hopeless?

Dear Dr. Romance:

I am in an unusual situation. I was speaking to a random person on Facebook one time. We became Facebook “friends”, and we kept chatting back and forth on e-mail. This girl was already dating someone (not very happy though), but I guess she kind of started to feel uneasy about writing back and forth with me anymore. That’s fine, I understand that.

Anyway if you know about Facebook, they usually have a list of your best friends off to one side. One of that girl’s friends is pretty attractive and I started to talking to her. She’s single. We also became “friends”, and we’ve been writing back and forth for a little while. Kind of small talk regarding things like: what sports we like, things we’re doing on the weekend, things about our family, etc. Anyway, I really like her a lot. She’s the kind of person I could definitely see having for a nice long-lasting relationship. Obviously, I’d like to meet her. One big problem. We live about a 3 hour drive from each other. Neither she or I have mentioned meeting. I’ve just been thinking about it. I have a feeling if I bring that up, she might freak or something (or maybe she won’t; each woman is different).

We’re both single, never married, fairly young, and with no kids. So besides work, no other serious responsibilities. What might you suggest as a way to pursue reaching her. Or is it just hopeless idea?Thanks for any help!

Dear Reader:

More hopeless ideas than this one have actually worked. But, you have to go about it properly. I'd put out a feeler, something like "I wish we didn't live so far apart; it would be fun to talk F2F." That's a hint, without being pushy. It's complementary, and gives her a chance to think about whether she'd like to contact you or not.

If she says she'd like to see you, too, I'd suggest finding a venue either where she lives, or somewhere in-between, and proposing you meet there. Maybe for a sporting event? It doesn't have to be expensive, you can choose a high school event. Or, some kind of festival that happens nearby, where you can just wander around together, have something to eat, see the sights. Anything very public is not too threatening, and if she has her own transportation, she will feel safer. I don't know where you are, so you'll have to fill in the blanks, and come up with the ideas.

A three-hour drive every time you meet, in these high-cost gas days might be a big obstacle, but it also might provide the kind of brakes on the relationship that allow it to grow at a slow, healthy pace.

In addition, please don't put all your hopes on this girl. "Where is Love" and "Guidelines for Successful Dating" will help you find easier ways to meet appropriate dates.

Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences has a lot of information and exercises to help you understand your dates.

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com