Dear Dr. Romance: Should a grad student in her 20s date a man who's 70?
Written by Tina B. Tessina
Dear Dr. Romance:
We are co-workers and I've know him for about two years. He's very nice, funny and in very good shape. We've built a pretty solid friendship. We hang out a couple times a month (when I'm home from school). But, lately he's been pushing for a relationship (seeing as how I'm graduating next year).
He's very supportive and protective of me. And I respect him for it. Honestly, I can see myself dating him, as a companion, but I'm not physically attracted to him. And, I know I'm not attracted to him because he wanted to kiss me and I actually cringed at the thought. And, I know he's still sexually active because he jokes a lot about it. He even went so far as to ask me when the last time I was intimate.
If we had a relationship it would be as companions, not as a lovers. But, is it actually worth dating him while depriving myself sexually?
Dear Reader:
If you're calling it dating, you're implying that sex is going to happen sometime soon. Given that you're cringing at the idea of kissing him, I think you should make it very clear that friendship is all you're offering, and not let him pay for any dates (no matter what you say, a man that age will assume you're dating if he pays.)
Better yet, stop thinking about him at all, and figure out why you're not dating someone else. You're in grad school, a great venue to find a suitable partner of a similar age. What's going on with you? Why are you avoiding romance? This older man is just a way to hide out, and at your age, you shouldn't be hiding out. "Guidelines for Successful Dating" and "The Fine Art of "Squirrel Hunting" will help you figure out how to date, and "How to Avoid Loving a Jerk" will show you how to stay safe. Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today will help you clear up baggage from previous experiences and get out there with confidence. Best of luck to you. I wish you happiness.
For low-cost phone counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Article author
About the Author
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. Califo
ia since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
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