Disadvantages of Debating and How To Avoid It For Better Relationships

Arguments - what's it good for? Debates are rarely "won." When you think you won an argumentation, what did you gain? The "loser" at least learned something, right? But what did you get? arguing practice, ego satisfaction, and diminished Brain power.

Argument Decreases Brain Power?

At times things need to be debated, but most of the time, it just isn't productive. You may want to argue the point, but what do you get from a useless debate, and more importantly, what do you lose? I say you lose effective brain power.

There is at least one thing we can probably agree on. That is that a person listening to arguments can learn something from both sides. Now what about the participants? When your opposite makes a really good point, do you say, "Hey, you're right!" and learn something, or do you more often just look for a better debate?

You see, arguing too much gets you in the habit of looking for debates more than for accuracy. You get deeper into a rut the more you defend a position, because any hint of fighting evidence is pushed away as a threat to your "victory" or correctness. Ii being in a rut and dismissing the truth doesn't sound like it's good for Brain power, it's because it isn't.

Wit Power From Listening

Say the moon is closer, and if I say the sun is, one of us has to be right. On the other hand, if you say nurture is more important, and I say nature is, we're both sort of right. That's because the first contention has clearly defined terms. This isn't common in most arguments (and what's the point of arguing with someone who thinks the sun is closer?).

The second contention has to do with values, experiences, and poorly defined terms. We've seen different things in life, and we could spend a lifetime arguments the definition of "important." Alte
ately, I could shut up and listen. In this case my mind becomes more powerful with the addition of your ideas and knowledge. Taking heed is the better way.

How do you break the habit of debating? Start by deliberately asking for people's impressions, and listen without saying anything. Ask them to elucidate, but don't offer one contrary idea. If you do this enough, you'll be surprised at how much you learn. You may also be surprised by how difficult this simple proficiency can be, but it works. Tell me I'm wrong, and I may just listen to what you say without reasoning.