Do You Have a Burnout from Dating? Take the Time during the Holidays to Heal

Introduction There is much talking about burnout from work. But burnout also happens when you feel exhausted from endless dating - yet you keep dating nonetheless. This is counter-productive, since you don’t project happiness to your date, but fatigue; not empowerment, but desperation; not patience, but impatience; not self-respect, but neediness. It is no wonder that when you have burnout from dating you won’t succeed in finding a partner. What can you do? Take time off to revitalize and to understand what made you fail until now. And there is no better time to doing so then during the holidays. ** Studies show that burnout often occurs at professions such as teachers and nurses – both occupations that constantly engage themselves with people. Such burnout takes a heavy toll on the organization: people who feel burnout often call in sick; go on vacation; resign or being fired (due to sloppy job performance). When You Have Burnout from Dating But burnout also happens on the dating scene. How often did it happen to you that you felt: “enough is enough!”; that you told yourself: “I can’t sms more people and meeting them”; “I am so, so tired from all these dates”; “Why shouldn’t I take a break, read a good book, go to a movie, do nothing?” But you keep dating. As if time is short. As if you’ll miss something if you won’t go on yet another date. As if to read a book or go to a movie while still not having a partner is a waste of time. So you keep dating. And you keep pushing your burnout to the limits. And you feel miserable and alone and disappointed and frustrated – but you keep going. There is nothing more important to you then finding a partner and having a relationship. You will not rest until you succeed! The Price You Pay When You Keep Dating But just like with work – that when you have burnout you can’t perform your duties well enough, you feel tired and exhausted, frustrated and miserable - so with dating: when you feel exhausted from endless dating, keeping going is counter-productive: You don’t project happiness to your date, but fatigue; not empowerment, but desperation; not patience, but impatience; not self-respect, but neediness. When you feel and project these, is there any way that anybody would want to see you again after first date? Taking “time off” from dating is healthy If you haven’t taken time-off from dating, but are still single after who-knows-how-many-dating-encounters, you may consider taking some time off. And there is not better time to doing so then the holidays; a time when you can reflect and contemplate about whatever went wrong with your attempts at relationships, and making decision about the necessary changes; and a time to engage with other activities; meet family and other friends; enjoy their company as well as your own. If you dare, you may also resort to take this time as an opportunity to develop your Self-Awareness: Looking inwards and trying to see what makes you so desperate to have a relationship; notice what fears and needs control you. Take the time to observe – in retrospect – your attempts at dating and relationships and notice whether there are any patterns which repeat themselves (such as: you immediately become dependent on your date; you begin to suffocate your partner; you are driven by the fear of being alone therefore try to please your partner as much as possible, thus allowing yourself to become a victim within the relationship, and so on). When you take a closer look at your attitudes towards partners and relationships and observe your reactions and behaviors you begin to understand what might stand in your way from finding a partner and developing a successful relationship. Or, more accurately, you begin to realize what in YOU stands in your way; how you SABOTAGE your own attempts. When you become aware of it you can then proceed to making the necessary changes and “surface” back on the dating scene, more empowered than ever to find a partner and develop the intimacy you so much desire. Taking the time during the holidays to begin developing your Self-Awareness is a time well spent. Won’t you take advantage of this time to increase the possibility of having a satisfying intimacy next year?