Does Your Anxiety Drive You to Sabotage Your Relationships? Learn to De-activate its Power

YOUR ANXIETY WORKS AGAINST YOU!

If you have been wishing for quite some time now to have a stable, successful, satisfying relationship but are finding yourself time and again with the wrong partners and in unsatisfying relationships, what does it mean? Could it really be that “all these men” or “all these women” are no good?

The fact is, however, that often it is your anxiety which harms your attempts at relationships. It works against you as you try to find a partner and develop a successful intimacy. It boomerangs at you and sabotages your attempts: You might jump into relationships which are not good for you driven by anxiety about the prospects of being alone; anxiety regarding what it says about you if you are single; anxiety about getting older without a partner, and so on and so forth.

Your anxiety, therefore, controls you and drives you to enter into relationships which are not healthy for you with partners which are not suitable for you. The sad part is, that even if it happens to you time and again, you continue to “fall into the trap” of such relationships and such partners.

The question therefore is: what drives you to ignore warning-signs and hints which say to you “Stop!”; “Don’t!”, “Be Careful!”; “Don’t do it to yourself!” and so on?

You are supposed to be alert to such warning signs and hints from your previous failed relationships; you are supposed to pay attention to signs that you are getting early-on at the early beginning of a new relationship; you are supposed to be watchful for hints which are so obvious, hints which are actually not new to you, since you have encountered them already in the past (such as: this person it too controlling; this one only wants to have sex and leave; this person is too poor and wants to take advantage of you; this person is to dependent and will become too clinging, and so on).

You know, from your past experiences, that the fate of a relationship with such a person is doomed to fail. But once again you “give it a chance”; once again you see “a potential” in this person; once again you tell yourself “maybe this time it will work”. Once again you choose to ignore all warning signs and hints.

And once again you get disappointed, frustrated, finding yourself abandoned and alone.

WHY DO YOU IGNORE SIGNS AND HINTS WHICH BY NOW YOU MUST KNOW BY HEART?

Because your anxiety exerts more power on you than the signs and hints. They cause you to ignore your intuition and to “forget” past failed relationships even when deep-down you feel and “know” that the new person you have just dated and the relationship you might develop with him/her are not for you!

Driven by your anxiety and refusing to pay attention to the warning signs and the hints, you might be telling yourself: “It is better to have someone who is not really for me than no-one at all”; “It is better to be in an unsatisfying relationship than not having one at all”.

But the compromises that you do then “allow” yourself often lead you to finding yourself once again alone, frustrated, tending to jump right with the next person who blinks at you!

And the cycle continues.

HOW CAN YOU COMBAT YOUR ANXIETY?

How can you get up the courage (and the wisdom) to combat your anxiety? How can you become able to acknowledge the warning signs and the hints, to think twice before you jump once again to be with a person which you know isn’t for you?

Combating your anxiety means, you cope with it rather than letting it control you: You acknowledge the fact that it drives you into unhealthy and self-sabotaging relationships. When you admit and accept this realization, you are one step ahead to control your anxiety and exert your power over it.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO CONTROL YOUR ANXIETY (RATHER THAN LETTING IT CONTROL YOU)?

Learning to control you anxiety involves learning to say “no”; to be true to yourself; to not “be there for others” just for the sake of receiving love or not be rejected. To not jump to be with whoever blinks at you and right away try to develop a relationship with this person.

Controlling your anxiety opens for you choices about who to date, who to develop a relationship with and what type of a relationship you develop. It gives you choices about how to live your life.

These raise up your self-esteem, give you a better sense of “who you are” and make you feel happier about the situation you are in – whether single or in a relationship.
GAINING SELF-RESPECT AND SELF-EMPOWERMENT

As you combat your anxiety you will realize that nothing disastrous happens (if you don’t have a partner and a relationship; if you decide to leave an unsatisfying relationship; if you don’t jump to be with whomever who blinks at you).

Combating your anxiety enables you to feel empowered and selective about the people you choose to go out with. To feel good about being strong and not “needy” (like you might have been in the past). To appreciate yourself more and become able to (finally) develop and maintain a successful and healthy relationship.