Does Your Success with Dating Make You Spin Your Head? Know When to Stop & Develop a Serious Relationship

Introduction “Enjoying life” and “winning” date after date might give you a good feeling – a boost to your ego, to your sexual drive, to your availability. But don’t let it distract you from your initial goal of finding a partner with whom to develop a truly intimate relationship. Knowing and keeping the balance; knowing when to get out of the dating scene and settling down is important. ** Ian Robertson, a Dutch neuropsychologist, has just published a book titled “The Winner’s Effect”. In his book he advocates that there is something called “The Winner’s Effect”, meaning: when someone wins in one field or another, the chance is great that this person will win again. The reason being, that winning increases the hormone testosterone. The testosterone is responsible for the dopamine in our brain, which increases in us the feeling of joy. This is a feeling which we would like to feel time and again. Therefore, winning drives us to focus attention on winning once more, on achieving what we want to achieve. Be aware: winning on the dating-scene can misguide you If you are single and active on the dating scene, as long as you succeed with “the other sex”, feeling that you can “conquer” time and again, you certainly feel “high” with the feeling of winning. Indeed, the hormones testosterone and dopamine run crazy in your blood! But be aware: your “winning” on the dating scene might drive you to keep dating and keep “conquering” time and again. But this might sabotage your attempts at finding and developing a healthy and satisfying intimacy. Being “drunk” on your successes at dating you might keep dating and dating, without even noticing that by doing so you might be detouring from your primary goal: finding a suitable partner. How to keep the appropriate balance If you feel “successful” on the dating-scene, and still wish to develop a serious relationship, the best you can do for yourself is become aware of what does “success” mean for you; of what is most important for you regarding intimacy; of what your plans and goals are regarding relationships. I’ve known singles that got “dizzy” from “winning” the other sex. It the long run it hindered them from entering a truly meaningful relationship. They used to say “one more time”; and then again “one more time”. It looked as if they got addicted to dating: the more they felt they “win”, the more they continued dating. The feeling of winning increased in them the fear of commitment. At some point it was difficult for them to stop and settle down with one person. The “winning effect” drove them to keep dating. Be aware: winning can make you dizzy Knowing your goals and aspirations enable you to stay focused on what is important for you and to acknowledge what your goals are. “Enjoying life” and “winning” might give you a good feeling – a boost to your ego, to your sexual drive, to your availability. But don’t let it distract you from your initial goal of finding a partner with whom to develop a truly intimate relationship. Knowing and keeping the balance; knowing when to get out of the dating scene and settling down is important. Having the ability to resist more dating is strength. It may lead you to an experience you haven’t had while dating non-stop. It may enable you to have and enjoy a truly satisfying intimate relationship. Wouldn’t you want to try it?