Don’t Sacrifice Yourself for a Partner and a Relationship: It Will Only Cause You Harm

You will be amazed to realize what people do for love. Some sacrifice themselves on the “altar of a relationship”, some are involved with dangerous and stupid “adventures”. But whatever others do, what is important is that you know yourself and know what you are willing, or unwilling, to do “for love”. ** In his autobiographic roma “Shantaram” recounts Gregory David Roberts (a drug addict who escaped from prison in Australia and found refuge in India) his life & adventures in India in the mid 1980 (until recaptured and brought back to jail). As part of his work with the Indian mafia he agreed to travel to Afghanistan to deal there with illegal weapons, drugs and money laundering, and in doing so placing his life in jeopardy time and again. Why did he agree to risk his life and do all that? Was it because he had nothing “better” to do? Was it because he was addicted to “adventures”? He says he did it for love. Not for a woman’s love, mind you, but being hungry for someone else’s love, a man who treated him like his son, a man David Roberts looked up to like a son to his father. David Roberts was willing to go to the war in Afghanistan and risk his life in order to gain a few minutes of this person’s loving glance (a quote from his book). You might say to yourself – it can’t be! It doesn’t make any sense! No person in his right mind will risk his life for a little hint of love! Bit is it really so? Can’t it really happen? If it happened to David Roberts – who was sentenced to hard labour in Australia for dealing with drugs, escaped prison and landed in India where he worked with the mafia – it sure can happen to everyone. Even to you! You might not be aware of it; you might think that you are a loving person who does a lot for your loved one; you might view yourself as a compromising person who believe that “one has to compromise in life”. But you might also be unaware of the fact that you tend to sacrifice yourself at the altar of your partner’s love – and by doing so you harm your relationship. Let me explain what I mean: Has it ever happened to you that you agreed to do something “for your partner” that you didn’t want doing? That you felt you didn’t have enough courage to say “No”, say and do what you really wanted? That you gave up on what was important to you in order to satisfy your partner? Indeed all these might have happened to you. And that’s o.k.; it happens to many who have a relationship. But if these happen to you all the time; if these have become your patterns; if you find yourself consistently unable to refuse doing what you partner wants you; or always unable to act on what is important to you, then it means that you might be controlled by the need to be loved and/or the fear of being rejected. Are you being controlled? You should know. You are the one who knows yourself better than anyone else. You are the only one who knows what you are willing, or not willing, to do for love – whether you know the reasons behind it or not. And whatever you are willing or unwilling to do, and whatever the reasons behind your decision, just make sure you don’t get hurt at the end of the day.