Don’t Seek Short-Cuts to Finding a Partner with Whom to Develop an Intimate Relationship: They Might Fail You!

Time is money. For one reason or another this phrase has taken precedence in many aspects of our daily life: on CNN, for example, you often hear the anchor saying to an interviewer: “quickly…”; or “please answer the final last question in one sentence”. Twitter forces you to send messages with no more than 140 characters. Various internet sites accept articles which include no more than a limited amount of words. And in the dating scene you have probably become familiar with “speed dating”, which allows you to meet someone for 3 minutes and move on to the next person. Time is money. There is no time to spare Life indeed is short, but if you want to ensure a quality of life and a satisfying relationship, is it really possible to do these under the pressure of time? Or could it be that focusing on time and “being forced” to be as efficient as possible come at the expense of your ability to learn how to develop and maintain successful intimacy? If you are like many others who look for a partner and for a satisfying relationship, you probably don’t “waste” your time getting to know people you date as thoroughly as possible. Time is money. You probably operate under the assumption that if the two of you don’t “hit” it right away it means, you better look for someone else. There is no time to spare. In in-between dates you read tips and “rules” about how to behave on first date; how to come across; how to make a good impression. Have you ever invested time in understanding why you fail in your relationships over and over again? But have you ever taken your time to read more than tips and rules? Have you ever invested time in getting to know yourself better? In becoming aware of your needs and fears, your attitudes and perception of reality – all of which influence the way you react and behave on your dates? Have you ever decided it’s time to stop running after dates and “potential” partners but rather to devote your time to get to truly understand what makes you unsuccessful in developing a satisfying intimate relationship? In all probabilities you haven’t done so, even though you might have found yourself failing in one relationship after another. And why haven’t you done so? Because time is short. There is no time to spare. You want to have a relationship and you want it now. But have you ever considered the possibility that if you will not take time to figure out, once and for all, what hinders your success at relationships, there is no reason you will become able to develop a satisfying one after having failed time and again? Or do you believe – like those buying the weekly lotto – that “somehow” things will change by themselves, that “somehow” you will meet your soul-mate with whom you’ll finally be successful at developing the relationship you so much desire? Time devoted to finding out how to develop a satisfying relationship is time well-spent Time well-spent on figuring out how to go about finding a partner and developing a satisfying relationship, is not a wasted time. Time spent at becoming aware of who you are, of your needs and fears, of the ways in which you have sabotaged your attempts at relationships until now, is not a wasted time. Rather, it is a time well-spent, a time which will eventually enable you to find and maintain the relationship you so much desire. The short way is at times the longest one. If you have been failing in your relationships time and again until now, you have nothing to lose by taking the time to become aware of the reasons, but only to gain. With courage and motivation – to look inwards and getting insights – you will become able to get a grip on what it is that harms your attempts at relationships and make the necessary changes in order to succeed. A well-known biblical sentence summarizes it all: “Those who sow in tears reap with joy”.