Dr Romance: 3 Tips to Living with Someone instead of Marriage
Written by Tina B. Tessina
It's way too easy, in the throes of a new romance, to decide to live together without considering the problems that might arise. Dr. Romance gives you some things to think about before making the leap, to guarantee success.
When dating and getting to know each other are going well, it’s easy to make a big decision from all the energy, or for the wrong reasons. Moving in together for the wrong reasons, or without advance planning, can jeopardize the whole relationship; so do it thoughtfully.
1. Make sure you know what your agreement is: Treat your living together situation as if you were non-romantic roommates. Before you move in together, discuss what living together means. Is it a commitment? Discuss your lifestyles – is one of you tidier? If one or both of you have children, who gets to discipline? How will you divide the space? If the home belongs to one of you, how will you equalize the living areas? You need to know the answers before the move.
2. Know what to do if there’s trouble: Make some agreements about what to do if you don’t agree on things, or if one of you feels that it’s not working out. You can agree on someone to use as a mediator or counselor. If you’re really excited about each other, this may seem unnecessary, but no matter how much you love each other, you can still get stuck in an impasse.
3. Get clear on your finances: Moving in together automatically makes you financially entangled. Decide beforehand who pays what expenses, and what happens if someone wants to spend more on food than the other. Will you share rent and utilities equally?
Adapted from: Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Article author
About the Author
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. Califo
ia since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
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